I'm working on getting a laptop by Christmas, so that I may update and watch law and order reruns at the same time, because this is definitely posing a problem.
Real quick, because this is only a warmup.
I did get asked out, but it was really awkward. By someone I work with, but I think dating him would be bad idea. I lied and said I had to work.
I'm really getting sick of turning guys down, maybe it's my own neurosis, but the guys are just never right. I never like them like that. I don't know what's wrong.
Anyway, all warmed up, more (coherent) babbling to continue soon.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I asked someone out
This week I promise I get on a writing schedule because I'm getting way too relaxed with the time between posts, fucking ridiculous.
Yes, I did asked someone out. I won't say who, but I have mentioned him on this blog before, and no, not very much. I won't say who it is because the end result is way too embarrasing. But I write this to provide a lesson to you all in the power of rejection.
So there is this certain someone I know who I have known for a while, whom I think is really nice, has shown me nothing but the utmost respect, and who I would like to get to know on a deeper level on a personal basis, whether it be friendship wise or not. I also knew he would never ask me out, so I asked him. I promised lunch at first, but I had a hair appointment that morning, so I was hoping I that I can make it an early dinner. We had been talking off an on for the last couple of weeks, so he knew about the lunch but I never really had the time set aside to asking him, until now.
I texted:
"Hey, I have some errands to run, would you be up for dinner instead of lunch."
His response:
"I have to look into it. I'll let you know as soon as possible".
This was 5 days ago.
Do you think he turned me down? Of course, he did. But, let me tell you why. Because I know. First of all, I was/am in a very vulnerable place right now. I recently realized that my personal life is a mess, in the sense that I don't really have one. So I am doing what I always do and am trying to fix it all by myself. Too put it nicely, it's not working out very well. He probably sense the desperation in the text.
Second, he just got out of a relationship and he's trying to get back with the ex-girlfriend. Has been for a while. You know how it is when someone dumps you, and they still give you a life jacket to try to win them back. I'm pretty sure he's on that tugboat.
Third, I'm pretty sure that's he intimidated by me. Sadly, most men are extremely intimated by women with no kids, no drama, and good jobs. Not all, but most. They feel they have to constantly be on their toes and keep, when in reality they really want to run the show no questions asked. Throw in a certain level of attractiveness from the woman, then forget it. They know you'll leave their ass if they fuck up, and frankly they don't want to take that risk. Now, I'm not saying that he's scared of me because I'm so hot, but I'm sure he knows he would have to be on his toes in order to date me.
I was debating about texting him and finding out if he forgot. But for what? If he wanted to go he would have remembered, or would have least given me a straight forward answer. Whatever. It'll happen when it happens. I think.
Yes, I did asked someone out. I won't say who, but I have mentioned him on this blog before, and no, not very much. I won't say who it is because the end result is way too embarrasing. But I write this to provide a lesson to you all in the power of rejection.
So there is this certain someone I know who I have known for a while, whom I think is really nice, has shown me nothing but the utmost respect, and who I would like to get to know on a deeper level on a personal basis, whether it be friendship wise or not. I also knew he would never ask me out, so I asked him. I promised lunch at first, but I had a hair appointment that morning, so I was hoping I that I can make it an early dinner. We had been talking off an on for the last couple of weeks, so he knew about the lunch but I never really had the time set aside to asking him, until now.
I texted:
"Hey, I have some errands to run, would you be up for dinner instead of lunch."
His response:
"I have to look into it. I'll let you know as soon as possible".
This was 5 days ago.
Do you think he turned me down? Of course, he did. But, let me tell you why. Because I know. First of all, I was/am in a very vulnerable place right now. I recently realized that my personal life is a mess, in the sense that I don't really have one. So I am doing what I always do and am trying to fix it all by myself. Too put it nicely, it's not working out very well. He probably sense the desperation in the text.
Second, he just got out of a relationship and he's trying to get back with the ex-girlfriend. Has been for a while. You know how it is when someone dumps you, and they still give you a life jacket to try to win them back. I'm pretty sure he's on that tugboat.
Third, I'm pretty sure that's he intimidated by me. Sadly, most men are extremely intimated by women with no kids, no drama, and good jobs. Not all, but most. They feel they have to constantly be on their toes and keep, when in reality they really want to run the show no questions asked. Throw in a certain level of attractiveness from the woman, then forget it. They know you'll leave their ass if they fuck up, and frankly they don't want to take that risk. Now, I'm not saying that he's scared of me because I'm so hot, but I'm sure he knows he would have to be on his toes in order to date me.
I was debating about texting him and finding out if he forgot. But for what? If he wanted to go he would have remembered, or would have least given me a straight forward answer. Whatever. It'll happen when it happens. I think.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Married People Problems
Sometimes honestly I am really okay with being single, but there are time when I really hate it. I mean hate it. Today I had one of those times. I went to lunch with 2 of my 4 bosses today. Both married and young. One the husband's actually showed up and him and his wife we're literally eating off each other's plates. I would stab a bitch before I let my husband eat off my plate. The conversation went a little something like this.
Here is them talking about their summer plans.
"Oh, did you book that hotel in Hawaii that we recommended to you?"
"We sure did. We're going at the end of October."
"You'll love it, we stay there about twice a year."
"So excited."
"We're going to actually do a backpacking trip this year, Yosemite I think. Or Mexico. We're still deciding. We're really over Hawaii, we're always there."
If it one thing that's worse than your single ass being at a table full of married couples, it's being at a table with young married couples with money.
Here's the conversation I had with my girlfriend last night about a dude she just met on the internet.
"You might like him. He seems fine."
"You said that about the last one, and you see what happened there."
"If he wasn't crazy, you would still be together."
"He's very open about sex, I'm a little scared that he'll want to do it too quick when I meet him."
"Girl, please bring cash and drive. And leave when he's in the bathroom just in case he's psycho."
"I always do."
Ugh. F-- my life. Why does society equate a woman who is single with being a loser? This is why. Because the ones who are left who are single, have to deal with the leftover riff raff. Who on earth would admire people who deal with that?
To be honest, I felt bad for them. I know they walked away thinking, "Oh my God I feel so bad for her. She's broke and she's single. I should have told my husband to stop talking so much, it probably made her feel bad."
No, honey. What makes me feel bad is the fact that you think everyone's rich and happy, and I am really jealous that you are able to build such a big bubble like that. Mine always gets burst, quickly. The world is a really harsh place. Maybe I'm here to burst yours. You're always looking at me like I'm crazy anyway.
Anyway, to my girlfriend. I hope this works out for her. I am scheduled to start internet dating the third week of August. Yes, I actually have to set t a time for myself to do it, because I'm a scaredy cat asshole.
The saga continues....
Here is them talking about their summer plans.
"Oh, did you book that hotel in Hawaii that we recommended to you?"
"We sure did. We're going at the end of October."
"You'll love it, we stay there about twice a year."
"So excited."
"We're going to actually do a backpacking trip this year, Yosemite I think. Or Mexico. We're still deciding. We're really over Hawaii, we're always there."
If it one thing that's worse than your single ass being at a table full of married couples, it's being at a table with young married couples with money.
Here's the conversation I had with my girlfriend last night about a dude she just met on the internet.
"You might like him. He seems fine."
"You said that about the last one, and you see what happened there."
"If he wasn't crazy, you would still be together."
"He's very open about sex, I'm a little scared that he'll want to do it too quick when I meet him."
"Girl, please bring cash and drive. And leave when he's in the bathroom just in case he's psycho."
"I always do."
Ugh. F-- my life. Why does society equate a woman who is single with being a loser? This is why. Because the ones who are left who are single, have to deal with the leftover riff raff. Who on earth would admire people who deal with that?
To be honest, I felt bad for them. I know they walked away thinking, "Oh my God I feel so bad for her. She's broke and she's single. I should have told my husband to stop talking so much, it probably made her feel bad."
No, honey. What makes me feel bad is the fact that you think everyone's rich and happy, and I am really jealous that you are able to build such a big bubble like that. Mine always gets burst, quickly. The world is a really harsh place. Maybe I'm here to burst yours. You're always looking at me like I'm crazy anyway.
Anyway, to my girlfriend. I hope this works out for her. I am scheduled to start internet dating the third week of August. Yes, I actually have to set t a time for myself to do it, because I'm a scaredy cat asshole.
The saga continues....
Monday, July 11, 2011
Shortest Post Ever....
So I had a date.
Well kind of a date.
Co-worker from new job as me to lunch.
Didn't want to go, went anyway. Because....hmmm...free lunch.
Ordered food.
Downed 2 coronas, then look like he wanted a third.
He was, eh, kind of ghetto.
Story of my life.
The end.
Well kind of a date.
Co-worker from new job as me to lunch.
Didn't want to go, went anyway. Because....hmmm...free lunch.
Ordered food.
Downed 2 coronas, then look like he wanted a third.
He was, eh, kind of ghetto.
Story of my life.
The end.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
The Women are so Fabulous at Church
They really are.
I may or may not have mentioned before that I attend a very large church. It's on the rather "hood" side of town, but it's still very "hollywood" none the less. Now, I'm not saying it's okay to look like you just rolled out of bed to go to church, but if you do... you deserve to get the side eye as well because it's kind of disrespectful. Get dressed, it's church. And then you have the people who take a full step farther than just getting dressed. I'm talking about the club clothes. The tight, tight dresses, the late arrival/slow walk down the aisle, and my personal favorite, the false eyelashes. False eyelashes and tight club dresses, and slow walk. Do you really need to be seen that badly?
I say all that to say, I use this analogy to further illustrate my fascination of people who want be seen.
The therapy textbook 101 clearly states that these women/people/drag queens clearly did not get attention at home or as a child so now they're trying to overcompensate. True, or in my experience, not true. They get plenty of attention as home. They start unnecessary fights with their significant others to get attention, they participate in drama with their family and friends to get attention, they talk about their kids solely to get attention. I mean their whole life is completely about them and the attention they receive. But that's just my experience. Thanks, Mom.
I am attention whore to a certain extent just like everyone else. But my attention whorey-ness, has been geared toward someone giving me connections to get me further in my career. The nails, the hair, the workouts, the makeup, all to get approached by the right person to get me from a to b. Also, not to attract A man, but to attract the right one. This whole caring about my appearance thing is still a work in progress though. Very slow progress.
Getting back to church, there's a girl/woman who walks in every Sunday, who to put it nicely, is not a petite woman. She wears either very light weight knit dresses with thong or very tight low cut jeans to the service. Also with a thong. How do I know she always wears a thong? Well I said she's not small and the dresses are lightweight so, 1 + 1 = 2. She sits in front on me and it's so distracting because she always comes in late and sits right in front of me and gets up and goes to the bathroom at least once during the sermon. Her dental floss string butt covering my view of altar. And yes, there are false eyelashes, too.
I hate false eyelashes, if you haven't picked that up yet. I would say why but I will go on a tangent about that on another day because I am sure it will relate to another post in some way shape or form.
I may or may not have mentioned before that I attend a very large church. It's on the rather "hood" side of town, but it's still very "hollywood" none the less. Now, I'm not saying it's okay to look like you just rolled out of bed to go to church, but if you do... you deserve to get the side eye as well because it's kind of disrespectful. Get dressed, it's church. And then you have the people who take a full step farther than just getting dressed. I'm talking about the club clothes. The tight, tight dresses, the late arrival/slow walk down the aisle, and my personal favorite, the false eyelashes. False eyelashes and tight club dresses, and slow walk. Do you really need to be seen that badly?
I say all that to say, I use this analogy to further illustrate my fascination of people who want be seen.
The therapy textbook 101 clearly states that these women/people/drag queens clearly did not get attention at home or as a child so now they're trying to overcompensate. True, or in my experience, not true. They get plenty of attention as home. They start unnecessary fights with their significant others to get attention, they participate in drama with their family and friends to get attention, they talk about their kids solely to get attention. I mean their whole life is completely about them and the attention they receive. But that's just my experience. Thanks, Mom.
I am attention whore to a certain extent just like everyone else. But my attention whorey-ness, has been geared toward someone giving me connections to get me further in my career. The nails, the hair, the workouts, the makeup, all to get approached by the right person to get me from a to b. Also, not to attract A man, but to attract the right one. This whole caring about my appearance thing is still a work in progress though. Very slow progress.
Getting back to church, there's a girl/woman who walks in every Sunday, who to put it nicely, is not a petite woman. She wears either very light weight knit dresses with thong or very tight low cut jeans to the service. Also with a thong. How do I know she always wears a thong? Well I said she's not small and the dresses are lightweight so, 1 + 1 = 2. She sits in front on me and it's so distracting because she always comes in late and sits right in front of me and gets up and goes to the bathroom at least once during the sermon. Her dental floss string butt covering my view of altar. And yes, there are false eyelashes, too.
I hate false eyelashes, if you haven't picked that up yet. I would say why but I will go on a tangent about that on another day because I am sure it will relate to another post in some way shape or form.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I Remember...
I remember back in the day, when I thought somebody was cute. I told them, right then and there. No rhyme reason or pretense. When they felt the same way, I attacked with about the same amount of discretion as a dog in heat. Now when a guy...excuse me...cute, normal looking guy with seemingly non-ambiguous sexuality, I wonder if he thinking, "wow, her hips are really wide, how does she find pants?"
I wouldn't even call it confidence per say, it's just what you did.
Now I think when you get a little older. Men see you of two ways. Either dateable/marriage material or umm, how can I say this...not. I believe that most women are born with just enough personality and feminity to always attract men and have them stay around for a while. Looks are not a factor in this formula. I've seen plenty of...erm, unconventional looking women..who always manage to be in a relationship and always have the upper hand. Bitches are included in this scenario, too. They always have a man,
Then there are the others. The undateables. The ones who upon sight have nothing physically wrong, or even nothing mentally wrong, but no guy will touch them with a ten foot pole because they just give off a certain vibe. My best friend says their losers. I think that's a little harsh. I just think that...hmmm...I really don't know how to categorize it.
I, myself, am beginning to believe I fall into the undateable category. Not because I have trouble meeting men, I just meet the wrong ones (please refer to the ambiguously gay post prior to this one.), the right ones just never seem to be attracted to me at all. And if I did manage to meet one, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't stick around and watch all the wonderful gay friends joining in to celebrate our lives with us. I mean, it will seriously take a strong hunk of man to sit through the gay pride parade to happens in my life every weekend.
So we'll see. I met a guy on Sunday who I gave my number to who I had no interest in talking to at all. I blame this on the fact that I don't have time, but it's bull shit. I do this a lot. I just don't want to waste my time unless it's somebody who I really want to call me. Anyhoo, I saw him at the gym today and gave me serious stank eye, I didn't figure out who he was until I was almost at home.
I going to try not to be alone forever. I promise.
I wouldn't even call it confidence per say, it's just what you did.
Now I think when you get a little older. Men see you of two ways. Either dateable/marriage material or umm, how can I say this...not. I believe that most women are born with just enough personality and feminity to always attract men and have them stay around for a while. Looks are not a factor in this formula. I've seen plenty of...erm, unconventional looking women..who always manage to be in a relationship and always have the upper hand. Bitches are included in this scenario, too. They always have a man,
Then there are the others. The undateables. The ones who upon sight have nothing physically wrong, or even nothing mentally wrong, but no guy will touch them with a ten foot pole because they just give off a certain vibe. My best friend says their losers. I think that's a little harsh. I just think that...hmmm...I really don't know how to categorize it.
I, myself, am beginning to believe I fall into the undateable category. Not because I have trouble meeting men, I just meet the wrong ones (please refer to the ambiguously gay post prior to this one.), the right ones just never seem to be attracted to me at all. And if I did manage to meet one, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't stick around and watch all the wonderful gay friends joining in to celebrate our lives with us. I mean, it will seriously take a strong hunk of man to sit through the gay pride parade to happens in my life every weekend.
So we'll see. I met a guy on Sunday who I gave my number to who I had no interest in talking to at all. I blame this on the fact that I don't have time, but it's bull shit. I do this a lot. I just don't want to waste my time unless it's somebody who I really want to call me. Anyhoo, I saw him at the gym today and gave me serious stank eye, I didn't figure out who he was until I was almost at home.
I going to try not to be alone forever. I promise.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Every Man in Los Angeles is a Fucking Douchebag.
It's true. They are.
I will elaborate.
I went bar hopping with my friend Vanessa on Saturday. I have at this point completely given up of meeting guys when I go out because they are not really interested in meeting women. They are not even interested in having one night stands, that would even be plausible. Single men in LA only like attention, and that's pretty much it.
The first bar we went to, me and my girlfriend were talking and some guy taps me on my shoulder and asks me what I'm drinking. He's clearly gay. I say margarita. He's drunk, and keeps talking as if maybe he might kind of be hitting on me. But never really makes it perfectly clear. Once again, gay. He rubs up against me, I confirm with my friend that homeboy is gay. I'm confused. No, not really. He's gay. And wasted. My girlfriend gets up and goes to the bathroom, he sits on the stool next to me and starts chatting. My friend comes back he asks us to join the party that's he's with so we can get free drinks. We get up...he runs off...we sit back down.
Another man with ambiguous sexuality comes up. We're about to leave, and we ask does he want our seats. He says no. Now the way LA clubs work in my opinion, it's either a bar where nothing but black people frequent, or not many black people at all. So it's not really a surprise to me anymore that if I go to a club and I'm the only black woman there. Ambiguous, wearing a shirt that says Santa Monica, looks dead at me and says, "Is this Little Ethopia?, You don't look Ethiopean."
Let's go.
We head to bar called the dime. It's packed. While making our way to the bar, I see a really cute dude who I intend to flirt with. After almost getting into a fight with a girl at the bar we sit down, and I asked his friend who looks and sounds a lot like Mike Tyson where he went. Friend took this as his in to proceed to tell me the hard road he's traveled in life. But he says it in a very Mike Tyson-ish way.
Cutie Pie sits back down.
Me: "So what part of LA do you live."
Cutie: "Nicholls Canyon."
Me: "Where?"
Cutie: "Nicholls Canyon, like LMFAO are my neighbors. Wanna see my pictures with Paris? We're friends."
Okay, let's go.
The last bar we hit included a drunken conspiracy theorist who wouldn't leave us alone, a model (who left early), and the worst corned beef hash I've ever eaten in my life.
I hope none of you are planning on moving here.
I will elaborate.
I went bar hopping with my friend Vanessa on Saturday. I have at this point completely given up of meeting guys when I go out because they are not really interested in meeting women. They are not even interested in having one night stands, that would even be plausible. Single men in LA only like attention, and that's pretty much it.
The first bar we went to, me and my girlfriend were talking and some guy taps me on my shoulder and asks me what I'm drinking. He's clearly gay. I say margarita. He's drunk, and keeps talking as if maybe he might kind of be hitting on me. But never really makes it perfectly clear. Once again, gay. He rubs up against me, I confirm with my friend that homeboy is gay. I'm confused. No, not really. He's gay. And wasted. My girlfriend gets up and goes to the bathroom, he sits on the stool next to me and starts chatting. My friend comes back he asks us to join the party that's he's with so we can get free drinks. We get up...he runs off...we sit back down.
Another man with ambiguous sexuality comes up. We're about to leave, and we ask does he want our seats. He says no. Now the way LA clubs work in my opinion, it's either a bar where nothing but black people frequent, or not many black people at all. So it's not really a surprise to me anymore that if I go to a club and I'm the only black woman there. Ambiguous, wearing a shirt that says Santa Monica, looks dead at me and says, "Is this Little Ethopia?, You don't look Ethiopean."
Let's go.
We head to bar called the dime. It's packed. While making our way to the bar, I see a really cute dude who I intend to flirt with. After almost getting into a fight with a girl at the bar we sit down, and I asked his friend who looks and sounds a lot like Mike Tyson where he went. Friend took this as his in to proceed to tell me the hard road he's traveled in life. But he says it in a very Mike Tyson-ish way.
Cutie Pie sits back down.
Me: "So what part of LA do you live."
Cutie: "Nicholls Canyon."
Me: "Where?"
Cutie: "Nicholls Canyon, like LMFAO are my neighbors. Wanna see my pictures with Paris? We're friends."
Okay, let's go.
The last bar we hit included a drunken conspiracy theorist who wouldn't leave us alone, a model (who left early), and the worst corned beef hash I've ever eaten in my life.
I hope none of you are planning on moving here.
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