I'm finally here

Damn, January 31 is the last I posted? A mess....Yes, I'm here. For obvious reasons, my posts will be shorter and less frequent, but I will try to keep it up. Yes I am unemployed, sleeping on people's couches. Yes, I feel like a loser. Loser, enough to go back home? No, at least not yet anyway.

I'm still in love with Loverboy. I am such a glutton for punishment, especially with guys. I guess it will always be the thing with me. Currenlty, since there are no other living possiblities, we're sharing a room. It sucks. For someone, who's lived alone since sophmore year of college, it really sucks. I wonder what its like to be completely obvilious to someone who is so desperately in love with you. So desperately in love, you watch them sleep. (Yes, I just admitted that out loud).I would like to have that feeling of complete obliviousness.

It sucks not working, for someone who's worked 12+ hours a day for the last 3 years, I feel lost. I know I'm out here to be an actress and there's a lot of rejection and free time involved, I'm the type of person who thinks too much when they're not doing anything.

I need to get a boyfriend, for practical purposes only. People are starting to think something's wrong. I found out recently my family thinks I'm a homewrecking slut. My cousin's boyfriend thinks I'm a lesbian. Loverboy treats me like shit, because he knows he the only heterosexual male in my life at this moment. Its not necessarily that they're thoughts matter to me, but I just get tired of fighting to be me all the time.

That's all for now. More to come.