So I went on another job interview this morning. Quite an interesting experience.
Basically the job was for an administrative assistant for a railroad company. The interview itself actually didn't feel like an interview, it felt more like a therapy session.
The guy was really laid back. I mean really. It threw me off. After he asked me the basic interview questions, about my skills and such. He basically told me this, "You don't want this job do you?". I was stunned. He continued to say that this job was basically for people looking for boring stability, who want a paycheck and want something to do with their day. There is not a huge possibilty of moving up, but if you want it let me know. I was dumbfounded.
He also said of all the people that he's interviewed I was by far the brightest as well as the most normal. And I would have to let him know if I felt it was a good fit for me. I would also have to leave the temp job that is currently paying me to come back this afternoon to meet his supervisors.
Needless to say, I could not do it.
I just quit a job that had me as an automaton for 6 years, to come here to be an actress. Consistent salary, 401K, free health insurance say what? If I took that job, there is no way in hell I would ever leave. No acting classes, blowing off auditions because I couldn't get off work, being stuck in the same damn position year by year with no hope of moving up. Hello, job I just left? He saw it, too. He told me that just based on me speaking skill wise I could do the job, he also could not understand why I was not working already, but he could sense my trepidation walking through the door. He asked why? I told him that in my head I know its just an interview, but I feel like I'm getting judged from head to toe and it makes me uncomfortable. I also hate the fact that I know that I need them more than they need me.
He proceeded to tell me that I'm not going to get very far in life by doing this. He also said I need to stop being so easily intimidated, to which I replied easier said than done.
I'm good about faking the confidence in my every day life, acting the diva, pretending I don't take shit from people. But when I comes right down to an actual situation to where I need to rise and conquer, I fail miserably. Professionally and personally. He helped me see that I am a person who is realistic, bright, and capable. I just for some reason keep holding my own self back. My gay ex-boyfriend (who I promise I will write about one day) used to tell me this exact statement that has been echoing in my head to this day, "You are the type of person who would be happy working for somebody."
This conversation also helped me see why I am not in a relationship. Because I've been in one with Loverboy for 5 damn years. Still.
So I'm working at bank now, and right now, and all job BS side, I'm just trying my hardest not to fuck it up.
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