I forgot I wanted to be an actress

If Loverboy wasn't good looking, he would be a scrub. This is fact. Let me just get that off my chest.

By some miracle of the lord, I got the day off yesterday. I had nothing to do so Loverboy and I decided to eat lunch. I'm not going to go in the trifiling sequence of events that happened yesterday, but let's just say it led me to that first sentence that I wrote.

Anyhoo. One the stops that we made is that he wanted to go to the SAG (screen actors guild) building to get a new card. But didn't just want to go, he wanted to explore it. Rather he wanted me to freak out because its the sag building. Actual actors walk around in here and handle their business. It's nothing but offices. He had a fit, because I was completely unimpressed by it. He said you been out here how long and you haven't taken one single class or one headshot, you forgot why you moved out here in the first place. To which I replied that you manage to take headshots every time to you get a paycheck, but you're homeless. Even though the argument itself is stupid as fuck, I see his point.

If you read this regularly, you all very well know how many times I have been beaten down and not being able to afford to eat. I have been through drama supreme ever since I've been out here. Its going to be awhile before I'm able to go full throttle in my career mainly because of poor planning on my part. In summation, it kind of hit me that I need more time to handle myself before any kind of career mentally and financially.

I still want more than anything in the whole world to be an actress. But in spite of everything, I feel ten times smarter about it now than I ever did before. I guess a lot of this was learned by watching loverboy and his struggles. He auditions all the time, but never books. He puts every ounce of his livelihood into his auditions. Auditioning is part of an actors' job. That's what you do, audition. Not that he won't book, but I believe that a lot of these casting directors look for someone who could care less if a person gets a part or not. I mean if you were a boss, would you hire someone who begged for a job? No, you would be suspect about said person wouldn't you? Whenever I hired a person on my last job who begged for it, they flaked out on me within the first month, or they act liked they owned the place when they got there. Because people don't beg really when they want a specific thing, they beg when they want anything. And I think that's the secret.