7 days and counting, then I get to bust out of hell. It doesn't seem real to tell you the truth. I got my offer letter for my new job in the mail yesterday and it kind of made it more real.
I'm trying to shake that feeling that I'm done, that I made it, that I'm finished. I have a strong sense of accomplishment right now, but truth be told I have a very long way to go. I bitched and bitched until I couldn't bitch anymore, but of course, as always, God puts you through things for a reason. Almost every circumstance to this point, the poverty, the anger, the living situation, the extreme fatigue, got me to finally believe I was better than my situation, and to continue to strive for what I feel I deserve.
The highlights:
-Dealing with the HBIC everyday, really hammered home the point that everyone that is not going to like me, for whatever reason and that's okay. I have me, and I would totally hang out with me. I seriously could give a shit what other people think about me anymore. I needed that.
-Since I was sitting here all day just answering phones, I got to read a lot (and I mean a lot), especially a lot of self-help books that gave me fantastic tips on how to change my mindset in order to achieve success.
(My favorite? Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice by Dennis Kimbro. Great for all groups, not just blacks. I'm re-reading it now.)
-I get to work at the Grove, I used to read about it all day every day at my old job, now I work there. Its a pretty fascinating place, not necessarily the celebrity aspect, but the people watching aspect. I love that there are so many kinds of people who pass through. Something I'm not used to living in the country for so long.
-I learned the power personal affirmations. My therapist told me say them and I never did because I thought it was stupid. That shit works. Like gangbusters. I don't even use them that much anymore, because I don't want to lessen their power. I just kind of keep them in my arsenal.
-I lost a ton of weight because of the stress and I'm going to try my super damnest to keep it off.
As far as having the long way to go:
-There is that small acting career that I kind of moved out here for. I'm auditing classes, but since I've been in extreme survival mode, the passion has waned somewhat. There are a whole bunch of actors who work at my part time job, as well as come in to shop and to be honest, I'm still working there to keep my passion alive.
-My skin has suffered. No sleep and no eating has taken its toll.Its going through a transition period right now. But it hurts to talk about. We'll move on.
-I'm tired. All the time. I've never worked so hard in my life, mentally and physically as I have in the last 7 months. I sort of feel like, since I'm making more money now, I can relax a little. But I can't. I just can't.
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