Whole Foods

So today, I had my first actual culture shock since I have moved here. It was a place that was horrifying yet intriguing, mysterious, as well as a place I hope to never have visit anytime ever again. This place actually reminded me that Dorothy is no longer in Kansas anymore. And this magical netherland of epic proportions is...

Whole Foods Grocery Store.

I'm shaking as I am typing this. Whole Foods is an organic grocery store is pretty much all over LA. No Walmarts here buddy, just expensive ass shopping all around. I kind of knew it was organic, but I didn't know it was that organic. It's vegan organic. Scary. I went in after lunch to get some $3.00 Aunt Jemima's microwave Pancakes and Sausage boxes for breakfast. Needless to say they don't sell that at whole foods.

To debunk all of your prejudged notions, everybody in LA is not skinny and pretty. That is a myth. Only in certain parts of LA do you find those people, and apparently in a Whole Foods grocery store is one of them. There a lot of skinny people here. I mean skinny. And the way you see the little celebutantes dress on the paparazzi photos with the short ass summer dresses with cowboy boots with leggings...yeah, they all dress like that. As far as the men, they're even skinnier and prettier than the women. They have model hair*. They wear makeup too. You look around thinking that you may be looking at celebrities, when in fact, its just the LA people period.

I felt fat going in there. I felt uncomfortable, looked it too. Kept looking over my shoulder and shit, hoping to catch a skinny girl frowning at what I have let myself become. First time, suprisingly since I've been here. There was this girl in another line fully made up wearing short shorts and cowboy boots who I swore was Courtney Cox. Another who I swore was Cameron Diaz. But no, two random girls standing in line. I felt like everybody was staring at me from the waist down assessing the circumfrence of my hamhock thighs and how could I let something so tragic happen to my legs? Can you feel my trauma?

Anyway, so never, ever again unless I feel the overwhelming need to become a vegetarian, or I'm trapped in the desert overcome with thirst, and all drought has caused all the cacti to dry up and the only place that has water available to continue my life as I know it is a whole foods.

Thank you.

*Model hair - shaggy longish hair cuts, that are supposed to look like one just rolled out of bed, when in fact the hairstyle takes a lot of time to do.