The Pick-up Artist

Anybody ever watch that show "The Pick-up Artist" on VH-1?

Very telling as to how fucked up women are in the sense that, when a man is practically begging to worship the ground they walk on, and they throw them away like its nothing. We are not attracted to that at all, at least most women aren't, and the leftover are constantly bitching about how we can't get a man.

There is a guy that works here. He's a temp, and basically an office bitch. He's asked me out numerous times, comes out from his desk every time he sees me, and changed his lunch schedule so he can eat with me.

The problems? He talks too much. I mean too fucking much, one of my big pet peeves. So much to the point where the last two mornings in a row, I had to find creative "nice" ways to tell him to shut up. Two, he's broke. I'm completely unmaterialistic, but I'm broke too. Two broke people does not a good relationship make. Even if we dated, we'll spend the whole time either talking about how broke we are, and ask to me to chip in for the date. Yes, that has happened to me before. Couple of times.

And you know what completely killed it for me? I was in the kitchen yesterday making coffee and he handed me his phone number on a piece of paper. Just here call me. Didn't even give me the time to wonder if I want it or not. Like seriously, whatever curiosity that I may have had about him just died right there. To be brutally honest, it just seemed desperate. I'm trying to change my whole way of thinking when it comes to dating, because of the lack of success I had in the past, but almost like the flaws become so overwhelming that I don't want to be bothered.

But yet I'm madly in love with most narcissistic, emotionally unavailable person on earth.

I was watching the pick-up artist yesterday, and their whole method of teaching has a lot to do with the fact that when you first meet a women you're whole persona should sort of say to the woman that you're not really interested in them. That you're here to have a good time, and if you meet a woman then whatever. The minute that the man or his body language gives away that they have zeroed in on their target, then we're done. We're not interested. In other words, we like the chase just as much as men.

I think about the men I have yearned for in the past, and with the exception of the fluke that was my ex-boyfriend, every single last one was emotionally unavailable. The entire time I messed with them, I had absolutely no earthly idea if they were into me or not. Loverboy is no different, he flings that yo-yo and snatches it right back up and holds it. 5 years running now.

I know it has something to do with being scared of relationships. I am deathly afraid of them, no lie. It has everything to with my parents fucked up relationship growing up, my cousin and her ticking time-bomb boyfriend now, and the awareness of my codependency and how it will play a part in my relationship.

For these reasons, and several others, I am cool by myself for now.