So the Loverboy situation is worse than I thought.. And here is my state of mind right now. Here's a copy of the email I wrote to my best friend. I think it pretty much explains everything.
"Mike had another girl over last night. One just left Sunday night. After realizing that this is going to be a more regular occurence than I originally thought, I realized how much of an idiot I was. I realized that I've spent the last 5+ years of my life literally obseesed with this dude for absoultely no reason at all. All I've done is ignored it, suppressed it, and made excuses for it. And to think about that along with the daily train of females running in out of the house makes me sick. Also, the most startling realization was also that, that was me. I was one of those females, and I subconciously kept believing that I was the only one.
This is hard situation to deal with because he never promised me anything as far as a relationship, not even dating. So its really not fair to blame him.
This morning was hard. I haven't slept in about 2 days and I cannot stop crying because I blame myself for being so fucking stupid. Everything you have said about me making myself indespesable is absolutely correct. I'm trying to get through my days, but I know now I'm not going to magically stop hurting overnight. I'm trying though."
I'll be honest here and say I moved in with him for selfish reasons, and its totally kicking me in the ass now. I shouldn't have done it. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I should actually voice these concerns out loud, but I really don't know what do.
Any thoughts.
Kimmy
3 comments:
If you weren't tight on money I'd say move out now and avoid him like the plague.
It seems like you have 2 things you actually went to LA for, acting and him.
I think prioritizing those two would be a good call. Depending on your answer, you should just go home before you send yourself into a full blown depression.
Honestly (no pun intended) he knew what was up and he is partly to blame. If he was a friend he would have stopped you in your tracks from jump if he didn't feel the same way about you. my 2 cents.
chaka. No way in hell I'm going home. I came out here to act, that's what I'm going to do.
Honest. Haven't really thought about it that way before. I'll have to chew on that one.
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