Oh no....

So the vicious cycle begins again. 5 and a half years running now. Same thing happened when we lived together earlier this year.

I hate him and myself for about a month for being so stupid for getting involved with this asshole. I cry to my friends, I cry in my sleep, and I have days that I just can't even work.

Then magically it disappears. I don't know if its because I start feeling better about myself, then start feeling better about my situation, or if I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I start getting infatuated again.

This time its a little different, we live together now, so a) My stupidity will be rubbed immediately in my face and b)it will be harder to avoid the situation at hand.

When you love someone, you don't just stop loving them. Its a fight. You have to constantly fight yourself and your feelings so you can move on. Its a battle that I have admittedly gotten a little cocky about over the last couple of days, but then comes this part, the part I forgot about...the relapse.

Didn't sleep with him, not a moron. That's a whole can of worms I would be opening up. But I wanted to. Why? Don't know. He's working his regular job again, and he's having stress, and trouble like a regular human being, and for the moment he's being reasonable, and seems truly sorry for blowing up at me last week. No women, at least in the house, for about 2 weeks now. In other words, he's being normal...for the time being. And its sweet. And I'm a fucking idiot.

Getting out of the lease can happen, but we'll lose a lot of money on the deposit, it looks like more and more that I will have to suck this up for another year. I've been strong so far.

Keep you posted.