The Art of Flirting

So I admit, I never learned how to flirt. Sad. Apparently you're not really supposed to learn how to flirt, you're supposed to kind of know. This is like a skill that most attractive people are born with and it gets you phone numbers, free food, and out of driving tickets. My cousin failed her driver's test and apparently got her driver's license that way, if you hear her tell it.

So anyway, I never learned how to flirt. I believe I have pulled it off drunk several times, but sober it comes off very awkard and labored. I also never learned how to flirt because, not to be conceited, I never had to before. When I lived in the south, men are very forward. If they want to talk to you, they make themselves known quickly and aggressively. Also, looks aren't necessarily a big issue there. As long as you're not super fat, and you have your hair done, you are very much ahead of the curve.

I'll be super honest here and say that I have not had very much luck in the men department. This reason solely because until the age of 30, I never thought about what I wanted in a partner. As long as he looked good and could hold somwehat of a conversation he was a keeper. And if they did all the work trying to get me and stuck around, then I'm planning a wedding.

Here's the hard truth: Real men, the non-attention whores, gainfully employed, not into playing the field, secure with themselves, the stable ones for the most part will not approach you. At least not without some nudging your part. They are not going to see you, be blinded by your beauty and just have to come talk to you. That may have happened to you, but where they now (If you are married or currently dating them, I'm not talking to you). You need to push them.

My first few months here I was at burger stand outside waiting for a burger. Some cute, clean cut, well dressed man, comes across the street and tells me that my beauty was blinding and he had to come me meet me, even if it was just to talk. I was beyond flattered so I gave him my phone number. So he invites to his new apartment so that he can cook me dinner and he assures me I have nothing to be nervous about because he has like 3 roomates with girlfriends and they will all be there. Throw caution to wind, sure I'll go. I get there and after talking to him and the roomates for a little while, I put the pieces together he not only wasn't the roomate, he didn't have a room. I don't think he had a home period, or ever. He was homeless. I left soon after. Lesson learned.

I leaned to flirt off a blog, so pathetic I know, but I did. It's so simple really. Everyone has their own way of flirting, and I need to salvage some of my dignity, so I'm not going to tell you what it said. But I will tell you that shit works. A little touch there, a little batted eyelash there, I'm teliing you, I tried that shit out at the grove, the snobbiest mall on planet earth and I was utterly amazed. Men who I didn't think would talk to me, otherwise, weren't completely repulsed when I touched their arm while asking them a question.

There is one aspect of flirtation that I still need to master. Be aware when someone is fliring with you. I was in Trader Joe's today buying groceries. Men, when I am buying groceries or working out, I have a plan or I am on a mission, so beware. Needless to say when I looked up and came out the shock of my groceries total, cute, cute, cute dude was eye fucking me in the next line. I looked up and caught it at the tail end and it was too late. He was wearing scrubs, his jacket was open and I caught the stitching. I'm not sure if it said RN or MD. Either way, damn.