Britney Spears, I hate you

Britney Spears is a dumb bitch. Look at that shit. I mean damn, my hatred for her has surpassed Tyra Banks at this point. Britney almost makes Tyra look sincere. Almost. I mean look at that shit.

An ongoing theme of this blog is how much I hate attention whores. What excuse in the world is it for you to be that damn needy? Okay, you did not receive enough attention in your life from whoever. Fine. Who has? Everyone at some point in their life does not receive the attention they want from somebody, but to the detriment of others? To the point where your not even ashamed of looking desperate? Oh, hell no.

Kevin Federline. Not only do I know his name, I know how to spell it and use it correctly in a sentence. Worse of all, Kevin Federline has more money than me and you. Why? Because he was in the same club as her, sold her some drugs one night, and told her she was pretty. Not mad at him either, if Britney saw me and decided that I was the one for her, I would drop everything just to fake the lesbo. Why? Because the stupid bitch would believe it and I would be paid.

Sadly one of the reasons I really hate Britney Spears, because of all the trainwrecks we have seen so far in the past few years, she is the one who has a legitmate shot of being big again. How? Because I think we all have forgotten how huge Britney was in her prime. I happen to catch her pepsi commercial from back in the day on you tube, and dammit if that commercial wasn't the shit. People started drinking pepsi just because of that campaign. Someone could stick her name on dog feces, call it face cream, and it would sell. A lot. I'd buy it. All it would take is one catchy ass song, and that's it. She's on top again, and the whole world would tune in, even if it is to watch her fall.

Pros and Cons of LA

(I apologize for the length of this post)
So its been 2 and a half months now, so I can give an analysis of the pros and cons that I have experienced in LA so far.

Cons
1. A lot of hurry up and wait.
For no reason. I can't tell you how many people have called me wanting to leave my job in the middle of the day with 5 resumes, writing samples, a book about my life etc., to drive to kingdom come asap, just for them to tell me when I arrive that they've already hired someone internally. It teaches you a lot about what to rush for and what your priorities should be.

2. There are a lot of people who live and work in this country who do not speak English.
And I'm not talking about just Spanish either, japanese, chinese, etc. There's a mexican security guard who works in my building who's wife does not speak English even though she's been in this country for 10 years. I asked why she never learned English? She said she doesn't need to. Everything is available to her somehow in Spanish. I actually had a man cuss me out nasty this morning on the phone because I didn't speak spanish...go figure.

3.The people who are mean take themselves way too seriously
These are the assholes that people talk about in LA. Its very, very few things in this world in my opinion that are that deep. I guess its because I'm on the phone all day, and I've temped so much in entertainment so far, but the ones with the egos freak out about the dumbest things. My most recent example has been a loan officer who wanted me to pull another out of a business meeting because they needed to talk to them about a possible deal. God forbid, I take their number down and have the person call them back when they're done, that's just unheard of. My favorite example of this so far are the assistants who think they're rich because they work for someone rich.

4. The man keeps you down
The reason I don't have a job right now is because I refuse to get stuck somewhere again where I have no chance in hell at moving up. Every interview that I have been on has been like that. I'll do grunt work sure, only if there's a chance I won't have to do it anymore.

5. The women
In short, they suck. One girl I tried to make friends with I met though Loverboy. Long story short, she was a crazy attention whore skank and all three of us ended up in a screaming match. I found that this particular trait is common in a lot of LA women.

Pros
1. I've never been so driven in my entire life
Seeing all these people drive around in their expensive cars, and working for people who make stupid ass power play rules just because they can, make me so determined to have my own shit. I'm really surprised that I am still temping because the me that I know would have taken the stable admin. asst. office job and ran with it.

2. My eating habits have drastically changed
I've lost roughly 10 pounds since I've been here. I've been sick ever since I been here. Add to that, I'm not hanging around Addam who is constantly talking about food and losing weight in the same breath. I'm not in a work environment with people who are overweight constantly talk about food. I don't know where to get fried chicken here, at home I can name 3 off the top of my head, 2 within walking distance. Plus, I lived somewhere for 2 months where the only places you can get food without enountering much traffic or getting on the freeway is McDonalds. I hate fast food.

3. I've started to care actually care less what people think about me
My cousin told me something beautiful the other day. She said, "I have enough friends. I don't need anymore." Dammit if that didn't strike a chord. I guess when you're in a new place, you're in survival mode. You feel you need to make friends so you won't look like such a loser. No you don't. Here, I have my cousin, her boyfriend and her kids, my beautician's aunt who lives here, and (groan) (at the moment) Loverboy. That's all I need.

4. Black men are a trip
Not specific to here, that's everywhere.

The Roomate

Loverboy's roomate, put my stuff out his room yesterday. Yes, the weedhead. The bed I had been sleeping in. He's been eating my food. He sat there and watched me rummage through the kitchen like a madwoman looking for my chunky chicken noodle soup that I found out later he ate. He's been bitching about every single thing I've done even though (a) he's never there (b) he hasn't paid a single utility since he's lived there. He installed a lock on his door so I can't go in there at all anymore.
And the kicker? Why he's acting like a brat even though I did nothing to him at all? That's what pissed him off, that I actually chose to go about my business instead of being up in his face like an attention whore female.
And..From what Loverboy has told me so far, he pissed at me because I didn't fuck him. No...seriously.

I could go on and on about how sad that men are so damn insecure that they think all women need attention from them whether they like them or not. Its also sad that there are so many female attention whores in the world that some men don't know how to respond to one who isn't. But my true reaction? There are 32 people who lost their lives yesterday for no reason whatsoever, this is beneath me.

This blog really is becoming the days of my life....

So I went on another job interview this morning. Quite an interesting experience.
Basically the job was for an administrative assistant for a railroad company. The interview itself actually didn't feel like an interview, it felt more like a therapy session.

The guy was really laid back. I mean really. It threw me off. After he asked me the basic interview questions, about my skills and such. He basically told me this, "You don't want this job do you?". I was stunned. He continued to say that this job was basically for people looking for boring stability, who want a paycheck and want something to do with their day. There is not a huge possibilty of moving up, but if you want it let me know. I was dumbfounded.

He also said of all the people that he's interviewed I was by far the brightest as well as the most normal. And I would have to let him know if I felt it was a good fit for me. I would also have to leave the temp job that is currently paying me to come back this afternoon to meet his supervisors.

Needless to say, I could not do it.

I just quit a job that had me as an automaton for 6 years, to come here to be an actress. Consistent salary, 401K, free health insurance say what? If I took that job, there is no way in hell I would ever leave. No acting classes, blowing off auditions because I couldn't get off work, being stuck in the same damn position year by year with no hope of moving up. Hello, job I just left? He saw it, too. He told me that just based on me speaking skill wise I could do the job, he also could not understand why I was not working already, but he could sense my trepidation walking through the door. He asked why? I told him that in my head I know its just an interview, but I feel like I'm getting judged from head to toe and it makes me uncomfortable. I also hate the fact that I know that I need them more than they need me.

He proceeded to tell me that I'm not going to get very far in life by doing this. He also said I need to stop being so easily intimidated, to which I replied easier said than done.

I'm good about faking the confidence in my every day life, acting the diva, pretending I don't take shit from people. But when I comes right down to an actual situation to where I need to rise and conquer, I fail miserably. Professionally and personally. He helped me see that I am a person who is realistic, bright, and capable. I just for some reason keep holding my own self back. My gay ex-boyfriend (who I promise I will write about one day) used to tell me this exact statement that has been echoing in my head to this day, "You are the type of person who would be happy working for somebody."

This conversation also helped me see why I am not in a relationship. Because I've been in one with Loverboy for 5 damn years. Still.

So I'm working at bank now, and right now, and all job BS side, I'm just trying my hardest not to fuck it up.

I feel better

Lord, I was sick last and this week, man. I forgot what sick actually felt like until last week. And because of such sick, that last post sucked moldy ass as a result of being hopped up on drugs, so I feel the need to redeem myself

So I realize I am not cut out for the nomad life, bouncing from temp job to temp job, sleeping on people's couches all free spirited and shit. Uh-uh, not for me. My guess is I'm more type A personality than I originally thought. My body, or rather God was trying to tell me something. I realize that I really hated my last job, the one I was fired from. I thought I liked it, but I was lying to myself. The long hours with hardly any pay, sucks. The running around while using an archaic phone/computer system sucks. The constant watching of the ass kissing, god help me, I was already throwing up on my own. And when you're hunched over the toilet sweating profusely praying to God, and your co-worker gives you the fakest "are you ok?" you have ever heard in your life, makes you angrier than if she hadn't said anything at all.

I also don't want to work in the entertainment business unless I am an actor. Seriously not worth it unless you're the talent. The hours, as I said before are very long. The jobs in the entertainment business itself are kind of stupid. For example, there are a lot of assistants. Basically assistants are glorified secretaries who think their better than you because you they work for someone rich. As many agents, managers, etc. there are there are 2 to 3 times as many assistants. And their job, to me, is more demeaning than answering phones. There is one assistant that I worked with whose boss did not even have a computer in his office. She literally had to schedule everything for him right down to where and when he ate dinner every night. She even made him wait for him until 9' o clock one night until he finished dinner to warn him in case someone important calls. Keep in mind, this is just his work assistant, not his personal one. You can imagine what his personal one goes through.
You also have to take into account that there are aspiring writers, producers, agents, managers, who move to Hollywood, all very ready to kiss the right person's ass for their shot. Sorry, I'm not an ass kisser.

I am going to continue my quest to be an actor, but now I know for sure I am not going to sacrifice myself to do it. My health has not been the best since I have moved out here and I am sure I have spread myself way to thin. I have too much stuff to do in too little time.

The Depressed Poem

Woe is me
No one will hire me,
I don't know why.
Nevermind I do know why.
No one wants the first face they see
to be a nappy headed black girl with a mouthful of white teeth.
It sucks the way the world works
but you have to keep going in order to enjoy its perks.
polite, articulate, and educated too.
what worse than being trifiling, is not having bad qualities so the bosses can criticize you.
show up on time, do my job, no complaints or heavy lip.
dancing the dance for these stuck up stupid people, believe me its a trip.
So I will keep you all posted on on my quest to be self fulfilled
I hope it won't be a long journey, or I will continue to be ill

Eww, that sucked