I wonder did Beyonce have to go through crap like this...

The more I think I understand black men, the less I do. I have accepted my utter loneliness and was ready to move on with my life, whenever that happens something comes in an completely throws me for a fucking loop. I wonder if I looked like Beyonce would I have these problems.

So I was sitting at work minding my own business when I get a text message from an area code that I didn't recognize. I'm like, who the hell is this. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what I text back. Turns out to be one of two of the only one night stands that I have ever had in my life. He is contacting me after a year and a half. The back story is I went to visit my cousin in Indiana and I had just a little too much fun that weekend. I don't even remember giving him my phone number. I remember after it was over I was so convinced that it was a one night stand I ran out the door so I didn't have to have an etched memory of his face in my mind. That entire night's events in fact was a plethora of drunken debauchery, its one of those nights that you have that you know no matter how drunk you get now, you know that you couldn't possibly be as drunk as you were then. So I digress...

I was really suprised I remembered his name, and even more surprised that he remembered me. He was really fine.

So, I text back "oh my god".

He texts back, "LOL what"

"I can't believe you remembered me."

"call"

I text "you too".

This is when I start getting the big head.

Brain, says "Damn, that must have been the best sex of his life if he's trying to get in touch with me after a year and a half. I guess I'll call him and give him a thrill."

I'm outside with a bunch of girls so that doesn't help.

Girls, "That must have been the best sex of his life if he's calling you after a year and a half. You need to call him and find out what he's talking about."

"Yeah, I'll wait until 9 though, let him sweat it out."

After sitting in the car staring at my phone for 10+ minutes I call.

"hello?"
"hey"
"do you know who this is?"
"yeah"
"so did you get my number from Walter or something?"
"no I had a list of phone numbers on my e-mail that I found, and you know."
"you know, what.."
"you know, called you."
"oh. so what are you doing now?"
"still going to school. I'm in detroit now"
"so you sure there's no other reason why you called me besides that you found my number and called?"
"yeah"
"oh."
"well, I'm feeling a little under the weather so I'll hit you up later."
"ok."
"bye."

That's it. seriously. Yes, I was waiting for something about best sex of my life, unrequited love, a connection i have with you like have had with no other woman. Nope, he was bored and decided to call me. I don't know why. Its not like we talked that much the last time we saw each other.

Stability Ball

Hah, I finally broke my streak of posting every Tuesday.. I've noticed the last month I've posted every Tuesday, but its Monday and I am posting, so there.

So I was talking with my best friend the other day and she seemed very shocked and appalled by the number of people who have experimented sexually with the same sex. In fact, she was recalling a story about a friend of hers in college who have fooled around with a girl sober. While she was telling me this story over the phone, I can sense the sheer look of terror on her face while she was telling it. She was terrified by the sheer number of people who had done this. I don't blame her for being terrified at all, but what I was shocked by was how different our reactions were. I was kind of like oh, well she fooled around with a girl. She was near fainting. Not her fault, the only reason that she feels this way is because now say with me slowly...

She's in a stable relationship.

Not just a relationship, black people, a stable one. One where you're not cheating on your man or constantly worrying about is he cheating on you even though you still stay with his trifing ass. One where both of you support yourselves, not one carrying the other financially, not one where your argue every single day, and then have make-up sex. Stable, drama queens, stable. He can stay gone all day and he does not have to call you every 5 minutes, his female friend from back in the day is nothing but his female friend, you don't know the password to his voicemail because its his personal business and you don't need it!!

A lot of us don't know what that's like, I sure as hell don't.

When you are in a stable relationship, you actually believe that the single people in the world are not desperate and depraved individuals. We are. You believe that the single people in the world have not done anything out of the ordinary sexually, and if we have we're embarrased to talk about it. We're not. You actually believe that we long for the day to find our future spouse and we will be happy when that day comes. Wrong again. We lost all hope for that long time ago.

Basically the perenially single people in the world like myself, most of us are freaks. We have done some seriously deplorable shit. We did it partially because it was fun, and partially because we know in the back of our minds we have nothing to lose. Keep in mind, I know I'm not as bad as some other people I know. But keep in mind I have only had 2 real boyfriends my entire life.

As far as my views on the experimentation thing, I personally don't see the big deal. If you know you're not gay and you're pretty sure your not going to be anytime soon then what the hell. Don't even get me started on alcohol getting into the mix. It is probably the blame for at least 3/4 of the children in the United States. I don't necessarily know about alcohol inhibiting your judgement or turning you into a different person, but I know when alcohol is involved my body reacts faster than my brain.

So for you single people out there experiment and drink your life away, why not? you ain't got nobody.

For you people in a stable, happy, trusting, and wonderful relationship. Well, I really don't have words to express you right now because this a concept I have yet to comprehend.

I'm gonna be alright

Yup. I believe that this is the pic that started it all. The pic that signaled the actual beginning of me working out. I remember when I saw the I'm gonna be alright video, she was sitting in a lawn chair with a bikini top on, as well as this picture and I thought silently to myself, " Damn, I really need to get my shit together." I really thought that I could look like that. So young, so delusional.

Funny thing is now, I think Jennifer Lopez is one of the most awkardly body shaped women I have ever seen. She has freaky big thighs and bird legs. Dudes always say that "ooh, she fine, ooh she got a nice ass body."
Truth of the matter is when J-ho ain't doing movies, she looks just like you and me. In fact, she looks a little like that bitch Melyssa Ford hoe on BET style.

May I present to you exhibit A:





Black men, I know you are sitting at the computer screen scratching your heads in amazement and you're thinking to yourself, what is possibly wrong with picture? Why is she speaking about this as if it is a negative thing? Well, let me break it down for ya. I will use myself is an example as it was broken down rather blatantly to me about a week ago. I was talking to black man about how I needed to stop eating all this junk and I need to take my fat ass to the gym and get my shit together. He replies, "For what?". I say, "well, I'm really out of shape and its staring to catch up to me."

To which he replies, and I promise I'm not making this up.....
"you don't need to do all that shit. As long as your stomach doesn't stick out more than your ass, you cool."

6 months worth of consistent gym hours completely down the shit hole. No wonder 50% of black women are obese. Shit, the only reason Star Jones lost weight because the doctor told her she was about to die.

Here is the real reason that black women go to the gym. I'm not even going to claim that we work out so that we can look good for ourselves crap because I'll be just as happy eating twinkies playing with fat rolls as I am killing myself unecessarily for 1994 Janet Jackson six pack if I'm by myself. "I'm working out to look good for me." What a bunch of bullshit.

The real reason that we work out is because we want to catch a man. Big shock, huh. Here's the plot twist. We want to have the ability to catch any man, not just a black one. Its a weird affirmation for us. Its also actually very insulting to black men.

If a black man hits on me, I say he must have been looking at my ass. If a white dude looks at me, I say, damn I must be looking good today. White men usually aren't into the big ass thing, so if they hit on you, 9 times out of 10 they are looking at your whole body, not just your ass. Yes, a lot of them are into big boobs, but they won't say anything to you unless your skinny as well. Then you walk around thinking you're the shit. In a nutshell, the whitest white man will not even look in your direction unless your shit is on point... Or if he has some kind of an exotic fetish.

Does it pay to be bitchy and crazy?

For the record, yes, my bitterness does stem from personal experience.

I hate men. Hate them I tell you. Hate them. I believe I have gotten a small grasp of just about everything I need to know in life with the exception of men/boys, whatever. I just haven't gotten the dating thing yet.

There are always those girls who always have a boyfriend. There are those girls, who not only always has a boyfriend, but they have a string of great boyfriends, who they seem to get tired of for no reason other than their bored. I don't get it. I have been perennially single my whole life, and when I do meet someone that I remotely like, there is always some horrible aspect of their life that I ignore and deal with at first, but eventually it overtakes

I have a ton of male friends. Male friends means straight men that I am not fucking. Okay, so maybe its not a ton, but its a couple. I have no earthly idea why I don't have a boyfriend. I have already clarified in earlier posts that I'm not desperate by any means, but there are too may crazy girls walking around with good men who are so good, that they feel obligated to be with them.

Two girls come to mind who I know besides myself that are emotionally stable, educated, as well as childless who not only do not currently have boyfriends, but were also dumped by the supposed significant others for crazy women. Yes, obviously the men they were with are punks, but they're not lonely now are they. Come to find out years later that my ex dumped me for a crazy girl. He was cheating on me with her. He married her too. She had his baby, too. True enough I was better off without him, and I am sure that their marriage is completely in turmoil if they are still together, but at the very least she has had the experience of family life that I often wonder will I ever have.

The baby mama falls into the crazy women category. I don't care if my future husband rides up to me on a white horse carrying season front row tickets to the Bulls, I will not fuck with him if he has a baby mama. Its not the child that bothers me, most of the time the child is fine because they are too young to know how fucked up its is to be passed around, its the baby mama. Why? because no matter how nice or bitchy she is, no matter how rich or broke she is, she will always, always come first because that's the bitch that bore his child. And he'll always carry love in his heart for her no matter how fucked up their situation is.

I hate mama's boys, too. Its fine that you love and respect your mother, that's beautiful. But when you cancel dinner plans with me because your mama thought she heard something in the basement two weeks ago, we can't hang. I'm not selfish, but I cannot be in a relationship where I know that I will always be second. Somebody says to me, "I love my mama, I'll give anything she wants without asking and I tell her everything." I'm heading for the hills.

The bitches always seem to have men don't they? And its not like they're a bitch to everyone else and nice to their men. They browbeat the men that they're with. The bitches dump them!!! and have another one waiting in the trenches. Bitches.

I also don't understand the no personality girls. There are seriously a lot of women out there with no personality at all. But they always have a man, I could understand if they were really attractive, but a lot of the time they aren't, but they have a man. Not just any random man, one who is good to them. That's what gets me.

so congrats to the bitchy J-lo's , the no-personalty Beyonce's, and the homewrecker Angelina Jolie's of the world. You all seem to have have terrible character traits, but I guess nothing eases the pain more than being insanely wealthy on top of having rich boyfriends. Thanks. I feel great about myself now.

Hot ghetto mess

I always say that if could do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone to college because I felt that nothing I learned in 4-years of college has prepared me for the shit that I have to put up with my places of employment.

Basically if you're not an going to be an engineer, doctor, laywer, or if you are entering any sort of specific profession that requires at least a college degree, don't go to college. Right now, I'll bet good money that if you pull a black college student aside and ask them why they are going to school they will tell you, "so I can get a job." What's your major? "criminal justice" or psychology, or my favorite human development and family studies. No offense to all of the other HDFS majors but what the fuck kind of major is that. That is a major specifically created that if you flunk out of a real major, that is one of the ones especially created to graduate (also, see human environmental sciences and some version of interdisciplinary studies). College students are going to school just to get a job, any job, so they can apply somewhere and work. College lies to them and tells them that this is a plausible plan.

I apologize for my tangent, I will now proceed with my point.

Your fucked if you do, fucked if you don't. So I got a promotion at my part time job. Before I was basically a web surfer, and I do it in the morning before I come to my full time job. My CEO at my morning job is not a very intelligent man so I was very happy I don't have to deal with him on a person to person basis, I just dealt with my direct supervisor. The CEO catches wind that I come in to work on time everyday, do what I am supposed to do and go home, an unusual feat for a standard workplace. So he gives me a little more responsiblilty and a miniscule raise...fine...whatever. I do it, and he also catches wind that I have been a supervisor at my other job at the university for 3 years. Well, this just sends him over the moon. Wow, someone who is actually dilligent and has the experience I'm looking for" he's done. So he informs me of this, and offers me a job a supervisor over the telemarketers, I really don't want to do it, but my lack of funds outweighs my personal judgement so I say yes. Keep in mind, I said earlier that he is a moron.

So he puts an ad in the local paper. An ad not specifying experience, or education needed or age. So can you take one as guess as to what kind of applicants we get.

Second problem, which prompted my college tirade earlier.
With the exception of one applicant, they were all black, and she was also the most professionally dressed. One girl actually showed up, for a job interview mind you, in
jogging pants and tennis shoes. One came in jeans and shirt with no bra, and one 15 year old boy showed up even though he was told on the phone not to. Yes, all black. I think all black people deserve a fair shot there are many intelligent and hard working black people there who deserve a good job, but will not get it because they are black. But damn, the ones who are not employed, have they not caught on why yet. Has someone not told them, or are they just so ghetto that they truly believe someonwe is going to hire them when they wear a brown weave ponytail attached to black hair.

Some of the resumes that I looked at said they went to community college. But don't they teach you at a community college that you come to a professional job setting dressed professionally.

So if I work hard, people will promote me to shitty positions, and if I don't and I cuss out my boss I don't work period. Either way, I'm still broke. Like I said, I'm still fucked.