I have had my fair share of "dating" experiences since I've been out here, partially because I've mastered the art of flirting, well, not really mastered, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I used to be. My cousin actually admitted she passed the amazingly ridiculously hard California driving test after with a failing grade, because she flirted with the test proctor. I am not, nor probably will never be on that level, but I have had enough dating experiences in the last couple of months to now acquire my own set of rules. I always joke about having these rules, but I have never actually written them down before. Its kind of long so I will split this up into two parts. No order of importance.
1. I will not date a man in the military.
I have a lot of experience with this type, I usually attract this type, but I will never do it again. I don't care how nice he is, or how financially stable he is, hell to the fucking no. No! Them fuckers are crazy. All of them.
I can even spot them right off, they see you, and usually very friendly and talkative, know why? Because they haven't seen a civilian woman in so long.
2. I will not date a man who is "financially stable" and lives with his mama.
Yes, this type exists. I understand people fall on hard times and you have to move back in for a little while, I undertstand completely. But if you are gainfully employed and live with moms, not cute. My favorite excuse, "my mother had a stroke, and I had to move back in with her to live with her. She's not ready for me to leave." Now, if your mother was really that sick, why on earth are you trying to get with me. And your mother does not want you to leave, bull. Of course, she does, she's just saying that so you will leave.
3. I will not date a man who is on the same level as me.
I'm not talking about financially either. I'm talking about in terms of life experience and emotions and what not. I'm so over, so over hearing this particular phrase, "I'm trying to get my shit together so I can..." Ugh! I don't want to hear it! I, me, am, trying to get to together so I can do whatever, but I just got here. Plus, if you are really getting your shit together, you wouldn't be talking about it all the freaking time. I want someone to learn and grow from, who is actually learning and growing, and who is not always on the freaking grind.
4. I will not date a man who has trifling ass friends and family.
This rule came from my cousin, who is about to marry someone like this. If your ass is a shining beacon of hope among every one you associate with that spells trouble. Yes, it is him not his friends and family who you are with, but on some level or another you are going to be around them in some form or fashion. A lot. And if there is not a single, solitary person redeeming personality in the lot, it says a lot about the person you are with, and trouble will ensue.
5. I will not date a man who cannot afford to date me.
Bitchy or not, if you cannot afford to take me out on dates, or not willing to, peace out. I have had enough home movie gatherings in my life to know I can stay at home. Plus, its just think its the tackiest thing in the whole world, to see someone and ask to come to their house..
6. I will not date a man with a baby mama
Not a man with children, with a baby mama. If you were married, got divorced, different, much different. But if you knocked up someone in the heat of passion, her ass is taking 75% of your check every two weeks. You need to get your situation sorted out, and another girl to go along with it.
To Be Continued...
