I guess this not moving to California thing has me more bummed out than I thought. I mean I'm really bummed out.
I guess I'm so bummed out because I was reading this article the other day about how a man fell in love with a woman, not necessarily because she was the most attractive woman in the world, but because she had so much spirit. Well, my spirit was the only thing I kind of had going for me at this point, and I feel like that's even gone. Hell, I wouldn't want to date me.
This little ditty pretty much sums up how much I hate my life right now. I had an argument with a co-worker the other day as to why she never washes her hands when she's done going to the bathroom. I saw her do it, and I heard from other sources that she does it all the time. So I ask, "are you going to wash your hands, considering you just wiped your ass?", to which she replies, "I can't I'm allergic to the soap.", to which I say ,"That would be pretty hard considering the soap is antibacterial.." , and she says, "well it just makes my hands all itchy.". When she's opening the door, I reply, "Aren't you at least going to run your hands through the water?". True story. Sadly, there are more somewhat like this. I'm in hell.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Saturday, April 08, 2006
It Sucks Ass
Sorry once again I've been slacking off on the blogging...Life has gotten in the way I guess
Well, I guess I can talk about this now since nothing is going to pan out of it. (I just love when that happens by the way). On my vacation roughly about 3 weeks ago I had a job interview. An interview, that went suprisingly very well. It was for a human resources position. Not job, position. The lady, the head of human resources, even was willing to wait for me to get my shit together and move when my lease is up. So excited . I thought, oh my god, finally getting the hell out of hell. It is a dream that may suddenly become reality...Yeah, well.
Turns out this woman is so happy and willing because this job only pays $10 an hour. In Los Angeles. I thought, and I planned and came to the conclusion that there is no way in the free world I will be able to move and even live with my cousin rent free and support myself, on $10 bucks an hour. I didn't even know that people still offered that to people with degrees. It sucks ass.
The dumb implusive thing to do is to leave anyway and get a second job. Well, if I work a second job, not only will I be in the same position that I am in now, but I will be worse off because gas is way higher there. Also, the second job leaves no time at all for acting classes; the reason that I want to move out there so badly in the first place. It sucks ass.
I lied to my father and told him that I told the boss that I turned the job down. I didn't. I'm still very much in limbo. My gut is telling me to fuck it and go anyway. But with no car, no money, and to be honest no place to live really that's not an option. It sucks ass.
On the upside, I have actually formed a plan due to my small circumstance, but I will have to make a very big sacrifice. My freedom.
I will have to move back in with my parents. I said it before but I never believed until this moment that I would actually have to do it.
If anyone has any better suggestions please jesus let me know.
Well, I guess I can talk about this now since nothing is going to pan out of it. (I just love when that happens by the way). On my vacation roughly about 3 weeks ago I had a job interview. An interview, that went suprisingly very well. It was for a human resources position. Not job, position. The lady, the head of human resources, even was willing to wait for me to get my shit together and move when my lease is up. So excited . I thought, oh my god, finally getting the hell out of hell. It is a dream that may suddenly become reality...Yeah, well.
Turns out this woman is so happy and willing because this job only pays $10 an hour. In Los Angeles. I thought, and I planned and came to the conclusion that there is no way in the free world I will be able to move and even live with my cousin rent free and support myself, on $10 bucks an hour. I didn't even know that people still offered that to people with degrees. It sucks ass.
The dumb implusive thing to do is to leave anyway and get a second job. Well, if I work a second job, not only will I be in the same position that I am in now, but I will be worse off because gas is way higher there. Also, the second job leaves no time at all for acting classes; the reason that I want to move out there so badly in the first place. It sucks ass.
I lied to my father and told him that I told the boss that I turned the job down. I didn't. I'm still very much in limbo. My gut is telling me to fuck it and go anyway. But with no car, no money, and to be honest no place to live really that's not an option. It sucks ass.
On the upside, I have actually formed a plan due to my small circumstance, but I will have to make a very big sacrifice. My freedom.
I will have to move back in with my parents. I said it before but I never believed until this moment that I would actually have to do it.
If anyone has any better suggestions please jesus let me know.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Random Thoughts part 900?
Yuck, I'm a bundle of nerves right now because its so much shit going on, or it could possibly be this new birth control I just started. I know you all are actively wondering right now because I'm so engaging like that, but some of it I can't talk about because it's still very much a work in progress.
So know what happens when my scatterbrained ass can't pick one thing to talk about, I make a list! Fun!!
1. I went to Los Angeles about a week ago and I haven't talked about because its still very much affecting me. That was the first time I went and it actually felt like dare I say...home. It wasn't so scary, it just felt right. So much that I've been uncomfortable here ever since I got back.
2. They've been working me like a dog at my two jobs lately. I haven't really had any rest since I got back because everybody and their mama wants me to do something for them or with them. I have no problem saying no, but that means I have to sit there and deal with my thoughts. Eww.
3. 27 and no boyfriend still. Not even close. I have horrible committment issues, even worse than I originally thought, due to this past trip. Like desperately need psychotherapy bad.
4. My insecurity level has gone up about 1000%. Why? See number 3.
5. I know you're dying to know what happened, and I don't want to talk about it but I'll give a brief compromise. I met a boy, or rather know a boy. I want him he doesn't want me. I haven't told him. I can't because every girl wants him and I absolutely refuse to be one of the crowd. It drives me crazy. I think he knows how I feel, but I still won't tell him. Hence random outbreaks of bitterness and insanity by yours truly.
Yeah, I know.
6. Acutally met a really nice guy when I was there. Good job, in shape, and actually asked me out on a date. Something that really doesn't happen with me, I usually get the whole "when are you going to let fuck you?" deal. But I just couldn't get into him because of said asshole that I spoke of in number 5.
7. I have issues. I know this.
8. I'm broke. Big shock there.
9. Went to my first actual LA industry thing. The whole point of you going is to mingle and be fake and cheery and talkative. I'm bitter and surly. That will pose as a problem.
10. After all that drama, I still haven't stopped thinking about it and missing it since I left. Didn't want to leave.
Oh, yeah..Just found out that the dude I was messing around with just got engaged. He told me twice, when I point blank asked him, that he did not have a girlfriend. I hate men, I'm never getting married I swear.
So know what happens when my scatterbrained ass can't pick one thing to talk about, I make a list! Fun!!
1. I went to Los Angeles about a week ago and I haven't talked about because its still very much affecting me. That was the first time I went and it actually felt like dare I say...home. It wasn't so scary, it just felt right. So much that I've been uncomfortable here ever since I got back.
2. They've been working me like a dog at my two jobs lately. I haven't really had any rest since I got back because everybody and their mama wants me to do something for them or with them. I have no problem saying no, but that means I have to sit there and deal with my thoughts. Eww.
3. 27 and no boyfriend still. Not even close. I have horrible committment issues, even worse than I originally thought, due to this past trip. Like desperately need psychotherapy bad.
4. My insecurity level has gone up about 1000%. Why? See number 3.
5. I know you're dying to know what happened, and I don't want to talk about it but I'll give a brief compromise. I met a boy, or rather know a boy. I want him he doesn't want me. I haven't told him. I can't because every girl wants him and I absolutely refuse to be one of the crowd. It drives me crazy. I think he knows how I feel, but I still won't tell him. Hence random outbreaks of bitterness and insanity by yours truly.
Yeah, I know.
6. Acutally met a really nice guy when I was there. Good job, in shape, and actually asked me out on a date. Something that really doesn't happen with me, I usually get the whole "when are you going to let fuck you?" deal. But I just couldn't get into him because of said asshole that I spoke of in number 5.
7. I have issues. I know this.
8. I'm broke. Big shock there.
9. Went to my first actual LA industry thing. The whole point of you going is to mingle and be fake and cheery and talkative. I'm bitter and surly. That will pose as a problem.
10. After all that drama, I still haven't stopped thinking about it and missing it since I left. Didn't want to leave.
Oh, yeah..Just found out that the dude I was messing around with just got engaged. He told me twice, when I point blank asked him, that he did not have a girlfriend. I hate men, I'm never getting married I swear.
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