I hate when that list comes out in magazine's and crap, it should be re-named people who made the most money. Tom Cruise? C'mon, crazy does not mean fascinating. Brad and Angelina, they're together because they're both crazy.
Honorable Mention up first:
Me.
I cannot believe I cannot been blogging for damn near a year. I have to thank Mr. Panama Jackson over there, before him I was just a girl with a dream....
This has been a emotionally trying year for me. I have pretty much been a pushover my whole life, and this year I have been constantly fighting, others and mostly myself to discover what kind of person I am; as well as accept it. My father finally broke it down for me over breakfast when I was crying and complaining about my lack of spine. He told me to stop freaking apologizing for who I am. I have never had to do that before; no one ever told me I needed to do it that's for damn sure. So I'm doing it and I think I'm a much better person for it.
Also, another big lesson I have learned:
Stop giving a shit what other people think!!!
I have to really give credit Attention whore at my part time job, who I have mentioned in this blog before. She looks like a drag queen. She's fat, she talks about herself all the time, and she got a new weave that makes her look like predator. Her two favorite topics of conversation is herself, and dogging out other people behind her back. This is seriously the only joy she gets out of her life, and she looks like a monster. I learned that these are the kind of people who don't like you or talk about you behind your back. People who literally have nothing else to do.
Last but not least:
My dad. I have always had a tummultous relationship with my family, to say the least, but my dad became a hero to me this year and that's something I thought I would never say. Thank god, for him, my sister, and modern temptress. As long as I got those three, I could give a flying speckled fuck about what anyone else thinks of me.
(Finally) Now the list!!!!
1. The Creators of South Park:
Still on the air, still writing about whatever the fuck they want, still pissing people off, still funny. The Trapped in the Closet episode is one of the funniest things I seen on televsion this year. They just don't give a shit, I admire that.
2. Kanye West
Kanye may not have the most humble attitude in the world, but I have to give credit where credit is due, he does not stand behind bullshit. He seems to work really hard. He couldn't even bring himself to read to prompter at the Telethon for Hurricane Katrina, because he knew it was flowery bullshit. And he said what everybody was thinking.
3. Paris Hilton
You can love her of hate her, but you cannot deny it. Paris is a global superstar. Everybody says she doesn't do anything for a living, but really she doesn't have to at this point does she? Love her or hate her, you be hard pressed to find someone who that when you mention her name, it doesn't illicit a strong reaction.
4. Oprah
Let's just be real, Oprah is the shit. She has this whole country kissing her ass. She even said that in the press that she did not buy Tom and Katie's relationship. All these little bitch ass celebrities walking around kiss Oprah's ass, because if Oprah doesn't endorse you, your shit is good ass done.
5. Madonna
That bitch had the single of the year this year. She's a bitch, but unlike other celebrities, she doesn't pretend she isn't. She has an excellent lighting team too, they make her look good. She needs to cool it with the over airbrushed magazine covers though.
6. My friend Addam
Random, I know, but he's one of those random people in my life who I believed showed up to test me. We've gotten into it a lot this year, but we've always forgiven each other and because of him, I can now admit somewhat proudly, Ew, I'm kind of a bitch...
7. My mom
My mom has tested me a lot this year to say the least. Don't get me wrong, we get along fine most of the time, but when she is pissed off its like a straight up shitstorm. But, she has taught me not to take everything so damn personally.
8. Ghetto Bitch at Work
This will be the last of the personal references, promise. I have metioned her here too. All I really got from her is that some mother fuckers are just straight up crazy.
9. He whose name I shall not mention
Okay I lied, last personal one I promise. Madonna said in her documentary, that the one you love is not going to be the agreeable lovey dovey type, he's going to be the one who pisses you off to no end, boy was she right. For real, I should hate this person, but for some strange reason he's been there for me and he's aware I'll be there for him. But yet, its still fucked up and dysfunctional as hell.. oh well, wouldn't be me if it wasn't.
10. Perez Hilton
The fucker who got me obsessed with celebrity blogs. He got famous this year, so did Trent.
11. Kristin Cavalleri
Laguna Beach was the shit this year, and don't even front and say it wasn't because of her. She has a confidence that can only be admired, and she as well never apologized for who she is.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Rules of attraction
I'm always writing ideas in my spare time, and one day I'm going to meet that wonderful publisher or producer who's going to hear my ideas and give me a lot of money and motivation to finally write that book or screenplay. One of the ideas that I have played with for a while is a new dating book. I know the last thing that needs to be on the market is a brand new dating rule book, and lord knows I'm the last person who needs to be giving advice.
But I can say with confidence, now, that I may not know the rule to getting one, but I can recoginze an asshole in a second. I want to save women from getting into these dyfunctional asshole relationships, and believe me I have plenty of experience to back it up. In other words, I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what not to do.
This is only a very partial list of tips/rules/advice that I came up with, so here is some in no particular order.
1. Don't by any means ever date a man in the military (except for the air force).
Military men are crazy, I don't know why but they are, and I'm not talking about former military, I'm talking about current ones. No matter how normal they seem, something is always very off about them.
2. If a man asks you out on a date, pay attention to how he asks and what day he asks you.
If only asks to see you, with no particular place picked out; he wants ass. If he asks you out in the middle of the week, and he cannot wait until the weekend; he's crazy. Lunch dates on any day of the week, or night dates on the weekend are pretty safe. But if he is so desperate to see you again, that he just can't wait that long, run like the wind.
3. Never by any circumstances ever date a man who doesn't like sports.
My mom told me that one, and it is in fact true. There are actually some men out there who do not like sports, and they are really, really weird. Not gay, but weird; which in some cases is worse.
4. If you truly like or click with a man within the first meeting, he is usually involved with someone, just broke up with someone, or married.
Men who are involved or just got over being involved have nothing to prove, no games to play, and no risks to take. So most of the time they are at ease, and themselves when they talk to you.
5. Be wary of fineness.
Fine men make you do crazy things, say things you don't want to say, perform acts you don't want to perform, they'll make you think they're smart when they're in fact really stupid. Ladies, we are just like men in this aspect. This comes from that little teeny bit of insecurity that is prevalent in all of us. And think about it, which would you rather have happen, your friends thinking your man is an idiot or your friends thinking your man is ugly. Well, stupidity can be hidden by closing one's mouth; unattractiveness is head on. You make the call.
But I can say with confidence, now, that I may not know the rule to getting one, but I can recoginze an asshole in a second. I want to save women from getting into these dyfunctional asshole relationships, and believe me I have plenty of experience to back it up. In other words, I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what not to do.
This is only a very partial list of tips/rules/advice that I came up with, so here is some in no particular order.
1. Don't by any means ever date a man in the military (except for the air force).
Military men are crazy, I don't know why but they are, and I'm not talking about former military, I'm talking about current ones. No matter how normal they seem, something is always very off about them.
2. If a man asks you out on a date, pay attention to how he asks and what day he asks you.
If only asks to see you, with no particular place picked out; he wants ass. If he asks you out in the middle of the week, and he cannot wait until the weekend; he's crazy. Lunch dates on any day of the week, or night dates on the weekend are pretty safe. But if he is so desperate to see you again, that he just can't wait that long, run like the wind.
3. Never by any circumstances ever date a man who doesn't like sports.
My mom told me that one, and it is in fact true. There are actually some men out there who do not like sports, and they are really, really weird. Not gay, but weird; which in some cases is worse.
4. If you truly like or click with a man within the first meeting, he is usually involved with someone, just broke up with someone, or married.
Men who are involved or just got over being involved have nothing to prove, no games to play, and no risks to take. So most of the time they are at ease, and themselves when they talk to you.
5. Be wary of fineness.
Fine men make you do crazy things, say things you don't want to say, perform acts you don't want to perform, they'll make you think they're smart when they're in fact really stupid. Ladies, we are just like men in this aspect. This comes from that little teeny bit of insecurity that is prevalent in all of us. And think about it, which would you rather have happen, your friends thinking your man is an idiot or your friends thinking your man is ugly. Well, stupidity can be hidden by closing one's mouth; unattractiveness is head on. You make the call.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
I don't have internet
Our internet is on the fritz at work. I am actually writing this on my parents computer. Have you ever tried to sit through an 8-hour office job with no internet. Pretty damn insufferable I must say. On top of that I'm sick, so this up coming week is not going to be a fun one.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Apexaphobia
I'm weird, I know this. But after today I realize I have a psychological conditon. I don't know the proper term for it. But I'll give my own name, lets call it Apexaphobia. What is this term mean do you ask? It means obsession of one's height.
What is the big deal about my height? I ask myself that every time I get out the tape measure, at 26-years-old, once a month. My whole life I have had this obsession with being tall, to the point where I lie about how tall I am, all the time. On a good day, I'm 5'7, on a bad one, about 5'6 and three quarters. That's a boring height, everybody's freaking 5'7. And other people do not help with this obsession because when they ask me my height, and I look them straight in the eye and tell them 5'8, they either believe me or disagree and tell me I look taller. I have long legs and big feet, so that tricks people. It also doesn't help that my sister who has been 5'11 and thin for as long as I can remember, and my family are always commenting on how tall and striking she is...bitch.
I believe it started with this video as well:
Remember that shit? I remember Janet standing in front of her dancers with her six-pack, looking tall and commanding attention. I distinctly remember telling my mother that when I grew up I wanted to be 5'7 just like Janet Jackson. Now that 5'7 had arrived, I realize should have asked for 5'9, and several years later I was crushed to find out Janet's only 5'4.
If you get into the boring psychological reasoning as to why I want to be tall, I deduced that people treat you differently when you're tall. Ugly men actually get somewhat of a pass if they are tall. You have to be tall to be a model. Strangers are amazed by tall people. Being tall has always seemed very elegant and very regal to me; no matter how attractive and unattractive the person is. When they stand up straight, they have an air about them that makes them seem slightly less trifling than the rest of us. You'll always get some sort of attention for being tall, if you don't get attention for anything else.
Adding to my neurosis, I think that inch that I grew when I came back from California is gone. I measured myself and I believe I finally made it to my apex of 5'8. I think its gone, I think I shrunk and I'm back to barely 5'7 again. I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend.
What is the big deal about my height? I ask myself that every time I get out the tape measure, at 26-years-old, once a month. My whole life I have had this obsession with being tall, to the point where I lie about how tall I am, all the time. On a good day, I'm 5'7, on a bad one, about 5'6 and three quarters. That's a boring height, everybody's freaking 5'7. And other people do not help with this obsession because when they ask me my height, and I look them straight in the eye and tell them 5'8, they either believe me or disagree and tell me I look taller. I have long legs and big feet, so that tricks people. It also doesn't help that my sister who has been 5'11 and thin for as long as I can remember, and my family are always commenting on how tall and striking she is...bitch.
I believe it started with this video as well:
Remember that shit? I remember Janet standing in front of her dancers with her six-pack, looking tall and commanding attention. I distinctly remember telling my mother that when I grew up I wanted to be 5'7 just like Janet Jackson. Now that 5'7 had arrived, I realize should have asked for 5'9, and several years later I was crushed to find out Janet's only 5'4.
If you get into the boring psychological reasoning as to why I want to be tall, I deduced that people treat you differently when you're tall. Ugly men actually get somewhat of a pass if they are tall. You have to be tall to be a model. Strangers are amazed by tall people. Being tall has always seemed very elegant and very regal to me; no matter how attractive and unattractive the person is. When they stand up straight, they have an air about them that makes them seem slightly less trifling than the rest of us. You'll always get some sort of attention for being tall, if you don't get attention for anything else.
Adding to my neurosis, I think that inch that I grew when I came back from California is gone. I measured myself and I believe I finally made it to my apex of 5'8. I think its gone, I think I shrunk and I'm back to barely 5'7 again. I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I'm so bored..my god I am so bored
You ever have one of those days at work, where you seriously cannot possibly believe that your this bored. Like, seriously, I'm bored a lot, but today I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I was this bored. I apologize for the topic of today's post but this is the best I can do with the sheer torture that I am faced with today.
Hmm, I haven't hated on Beyonce in a long time, I think its time for a refresher course.
I don't know if you all have seen Destiny's Child's new video, "Stand Up for Love". It is quite possibly the cheesiest thing I have ever seen. The song is the World Children's Day anthem, so its not like they can walk around in midriffs and shit. What bothers me the most about this video is the fact that they made Beyonce look like a straight up white girl. I don't mean really light skinned, I mean Caucasian persuasion for real.
Don't get me wrong, Beyonce is light. That whole scandal with Vanity Fair saying that they lightened her pictures is bull. You look at her early childhood photos, she is yellow. But there has never been a problem mistaking her for being a black woman. In this video, that is severely questioned. I think its the superstraight blonde hair, and that awful makeup. (Sorry about the bad screencap)
Continuing on with my Beyonce hating, you may be aware that she has a clothing line coming out. I saw her on TRL the other day and she was wearing one of the "creations". It was a denim dress and the top looked like a vest. It was some of the the kuntriest(yes with a k) shit I have ever seen. I can hear her mama whispering in her ear, "Baby this makes you look so purrty, you should wear this". For example:
I was looking for the gold hot pants and the Dolly Parton hair she wore last year, but I hated this shit too. A world of no.
Speaking of celebrity clothing lines, I really hate it when stars do that. Its so obvious that they're only doing it for the money. But you won't make any money if it doesn't sell, and it won't sell if your fans don't want to dress like you. I like Alicia Keys but I'm not wearing spray painted on jeans and have the real size of butt exposed to the world. Then wear heels, so it can look even bigger? Oh, hell no.
The only one who I understand a little bit is Gwen Stefani, because she used to make all her own clothes when No Doubt first got big. I get that. I even understand J-lo, because even though she's fallen off lately, when she was on point she was on point. Its just that the her clothing line looks cheap. She doesn't even wear that shit anymore.
Pharrell has one out, BAPE? I believe its called. He wears it alll the time because he's the only one who can afford it. He's trying so hard to make it catch on. Got Jay-Z wearing sweatshirts and everything. Pharrell, if we wanted to dress like you we would go to Wal-mart little boys section and get some shirts. Then we'd go to Foot Locker and get some converse. Now that I think about I already dress like you. I need some shopping money. Donations anyone?
Hmm, I haven't hated on Beyonce in a long time, I think its time for a refresher course.
I don't know if you all have seen Destiny's Child's new video, "Stand Up for Love". It is quite possibly the cheesiest thing I have ever seen. The song is the World Children's Day anthem, so its not like they can walk around in midriffs and shit. What bothers me the most about this video is the fact that they made Beyonce look like a straight up white girl. I don't mean really light skinned, I mean Caucasian persuasion for real.
Don't get me wrong, Beyonce is light. That whole scandal with Vanity Fair saying that they lightened her pictures is bull. You look at her early childhood photos, she is yellow. But there has never been a problem mistaking her for being a black woman. In this video, that is severely questioned. I think its the superstraight blonde hair, and that awful makeup. (Sorry about the bad screencap)
Continuing on with my Beyonce hating, you may be aware that she has a clothing line coming out. I saw her on TRL the other day and she was wearing one of the "creations". It was a denim dress and the top looked like a vest. It was some of the the kuntriest(yes with a k) shit I have ever seen. I can hear her mama whispering in her ear, "Baby this makes you look so purrty, you should wear this". For example:
I was looking for the gold hot pants and the Dolly Parton hair she wore last year, but I hated this shit too. A world of no.
Speaking of celebrity clothing lines, I really hate it when stars do that. Its so obvious that they're only doing it for the money. But you won't make any money if it doesn't sell, and it won't sell if your fans don't want to dress like you. I like Alicia Keys but I'm not wearing spray painted on jeans and have the real size of butt exposed to the world. Then wear heels, so it can look even bigger? Oh, hell no.
The only one who I understand a little bit is Gwen Stefani, because she used to make all her own clothes when No Doubt first got big. I get that. I even understand J-lo, because even though she's fallen off lately, when she was on point she was on point. Its just that the her clothing line looks cheap. She doesn't even wear that shit anymore.
Pharrell has one out, BAPE? I believe its called. He wears it alll the time because he's the only one who can afford it. He's trying so hard to make it catch on. Got Jay-Z wearing sweatshirts and everything. Pharrell, if we wanted to dress like you we would go to Wal-mart little boys section and get some shirts. Then we'd go to Foot Locker and get some converse. Now that I think about I already dress like you. I need some shopping money. Donations anyone?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Guessing Game
Can I say that I am utterly obessesed with Madonna's new song and video. I'm going through kind of a rough time right now, and its usually the stupidest, most insignificant things that manage to put a smile on your face. I heard this on the radio in the car, and it sounds nothing like that T-mobile commercial. I also heard snippets of the album, and I am currently trying to get my broken CD player in car fixed, just so that I can buy this album. I even watched that boring ass documentary that she had on MTV the other day. Its ridiculous. I need Jesus.
Continuing with the music theme. I give you three guesses as to who these singers are.
The one on the left may be the hardest one. I'll give you a hint. He used to have a unibrow...I believe that's all that needs to be said.
Oooh, I have dirt on him. The sister of a girl I met at the beauty shop is currently dating him. She sat right next to him at a football game recently and had the nerve to not only wear dark sunglasses, but slump down very low in his seat because he was really worried about being mobbed. No shit.
I used to LOOOVE the one the far right. I listened to his greatest hits album this very morning. Deep down inside, we always knew he was kinda gay, but I always chose to live in denial. I would have never pregged him for becoming a crackhead prostitute though (at least that's what I heard).
As for the one in middle, remember when Jodeci was really big and you and your friends used to call who you wanted to be with. Well, when DeVante and Dalvin were taken and you were stuck with the other two you and had to make up reasons why they look good. And by make up, I mean flat out boldface lie. For example, "I like Jo-Jo 'cause he got some sexy lips".....Did Jo-Jo have lips? I remember sunglasses, hat, and two black things that moved while he sang, but I don't remember actual lips...
I guess he still has a career. Surprisingly, him and his brother had a successful run. I swear, I am the only person on planet Earth who saw and remembers DeVante only solo video. It was and probably still is a trifling mess.
Continuing with the music theme. I give you three guesses as to who these singers are.
The one on the left may be the hardest one. I'll give you a hint. He used to have a unibrow...I believe that's all that needs to be said.
Oooh, I have dirt on him. The sister of a girl I met at the beauty shop is currently dating him. She sat right next to him at a football game recently and had the nerve to not only wear dark sunglasses, but slump down very low in his seat because he was really worried about being mobbed. No shit.
I used to LOOOVE the one the far right. I listened to his greatest hits album this very morning. Deep down inside, we always knew he was kinda gay, but I always chose to live in denial. I would have never pregged him for becoming a crackhead prostitute though (at least that's what I heard).
As for the one in middle, remember when Jodeci was really big and you and your friends used to call who you wanted to be with. Well, when DeVante and Dalvin were taken and you were stuck with the other two you and had to make up reasons why they look good. And by make up, I mean flat out boldface lie. For example, "I like Jo-Jo 'cause he got some sexy lips".....Did Jo-Jo have lips? I remember sunglasses, hat, and two black things that moved while he sang, but I don't remember actual lips...
I guess he still has a career. Surprisingly, him and his brother had a successful run. I swear, I am the only person on planet Earth who saw and remembers DeVante only solo video. It was and probably still is a trifling mess.
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