Okay, so I'm all talk no action. In order to put this plan into action, I guess I would need to go out on a actual date. Yeah, easier said than done I suppose.
I tried today. I went to Target, and I tried to flirt. My efforts proved to be unsuccessful.
I'll make a confession here, and only here. I haven't been out on a actual date since May 2010. Eek!
Some of you may be sticking your finger down your throat faking a dry heaving sound. Saying, "So what! Nobody's ever asked me out on a date". Believe me, you have every right to be upset. So, I feel this need to actually explain myself.
I had two back to back "relationships" last year and the year before. One lasted around a year, the second around two months. The year long relationship with (let's just call him Bobby) was my first actual post relationship after the disaster with my "ex" (just do a search for Loverboy in this blog and you'll be filled in). He was a disaster. I met him when I got laid off from my job, and figured I need a boy around so I wouldn't feel like a total loser. I was sitting in my car feeling sorry for myself, when I saw this cute dude in a UCLA jacket, walking across the street, and I figured hell why not. So i did the classy move, honked my horn at him, and waved like an idiot until he walked over to my car. When he came over, I was surprised when he seemed like a articulate, sweet, humble guy. So I gave him my number on a piece of paper, I asked for his but he said he had no phone right now but he'd call when he could. Oookay.
He did call. He was sweet again. A couple of times after that more of the same. We made a date, I was excited. We ended up having coffee and he even tagged along with me to one of my annoying ass acting seminars. His car broke down and I ended up having to drive him home. He apologized for kissing me on the cheek. Sweet.
Long story short, Bobby ended up being a total loser about 3 months after that. It was pretty much done mentally for me when he told me that since I was faithfully getting a unemployment check every week, then I should be be supporting him because I made more money. The only reason he stayed around after that is because I was bored on the weekends. I will be referring back to Bobby periodically as an example of what not to do when trying new experiences. It was a harrowing experience.
The next guy, Julian (his real name, I'm tired) ended up meeting one night out with my cousin. Pretty normal, he was staring, he was kind of cute although not really my type, so I just went over there. He took me too lunch after church the next day, and everything seemed okay. There were flashes of crazy, but I had seen worse. I figured I was overreacting. Julian was a pretty intimidating guy. I know some girls are really into that, but it was intimidating to me too. There were flashes of crazy but nothing really concrete. The rub came when he I decided to test my guy instinct and not call him for one night just to see how he'd react. It was at around 9:30 p.m., that he called yelling, "What the hell are you doing? Who the hell are you fucking?." Needless to say it didn't last long after that.
If you want dating advice, I'll give you great dating advice. Because after the countless bad relationships that I've been involved in, I can tell you exactly what not to do. Jesus, I can probably communicate it in Morse Code.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Art of Flirting
So I admit, I never learned how to flirt. Sad. Apparently you're not really supposed to learn how to flirt, you're supposed to kind of know. This is like a skill that most attractive people are born with and it gets you phone numbers, free food, and out of driving tickets. My cousin failed her driver's test and apparently got her driver's license that way, if you hear her tell it.
So anyway, I never learned how to flirt. I believe I have pulled it off drunk several times, but sober it comes off very awkard and labored. I also never learned how to flirt because, not to be conceited, I never had to before. When I lived in the south, men are very forward. If they want to talk to you, they make themselves known quickly and aggressively. Also, looks aren't necessarily a big issue there. As long as you're not super fat, and you have your hair done, you are very much ahead of the curve.
I'll be super honest here and say that I have not had very much luck in the men department. This reason solely because until the age of 30, I never thought about what I wanted in a partner. As long as he looked good and could hold somwehat of a conversation he was a keeper. And if they did all the work trying to get me and stuck around, then I'm planning a wedding.
Here's the hard truth: Real men, the non-attention whores, gainfully employed, not into playing the field, secure with themselves, the stable ones for the most part will not approach you. At least not without some nudging your part. They are not going to see you, be blinded by your beauty and just have to come talk to you. That may have happened to you, but where they now (If you are married or currently dating them, I'm not talking to you). You need to push them.
My first few months here I was at burger stand outside waiting for a burger. Some cute, clean cut, well dressed man, comes across the street and tells me that my beauty was blinding and he had to come me meet me, even if it was just to talk. I was beyond flattered so I gave him my phone number. So he invites to his new apartment so that he can cook me dinner and he assures me I have nothing to be nervous about because he has like 3 roomates with girlfriends and they will all be there. Throw caution to wind, sure I'll go. I get there and after talking to him and the roomates for a little while, I put the pieces together he not only wasn't the roomate, he didn't have a room. I don't think he had a home period, or ever. He was homeless. I left soon after. Lesson learned.
I leaned to flirt off a blog, so pathetic I know, but I did. It's so simple really. Everyone has their own way of flirting, and I need to salvage some of my dignity, so I'm not going to tell you what it said. But I will tell you that shit works. A little touch there, a little batted eyelash there, I'm teliing you, I tried that shit out at the grove, the snobbiest mall on planet earth and I was utterly amazed. Men who I didn't think would talk to me, otherwise, weren't completely repulsed when I touched their arm while asking them a question.
There is one aspect of flirtation that I still need to master. Be aware when someone is fliring with you. I was in Trader Joe's today buying groceries. Men, when I am buying groceries or working out, I have a plan or I am on a mission, so beware. Needless to say when I looked up and came out the shock of my groceries total, cute, cute, cute dude was eye fucking me in the next line. I looked up and caught it at the tail end and it was too late. He was wearing scrubs, his jacket was open and I caught the stitching. I'm not sure if it said RN or MD. Either way, damn.
So anyway, I never learned how to flirt. I believe I have pulled it off drunk several times, but sober it comes off very awkard and labored. I also never learned how to flirt because, not to be conceited, I never had to before. When I lived in the south, men are very forward. If they want to talk to you, they make themselves known quickly and aggressively. Also, looks aren't necessarily a big issue there. As long as you're not super fat, and you have your hair done, you are very much ahead of the curve.
I'll be super honest here and say that I have not had very much luck in the men department. This reason solely because until the age of 30, I never thought about what I wanted in a partner. As long as he looked good and could hold somwehat of a conversation he was a keeper. And if they did all the work trying to get me and stuck around, then I'm planning a wedding.
Here's the hard truth: Real men, the non-attention whores, gainfully employed, not into playing the field, secure with themselves, the stable ones for the most part will not approach you. At least not without some nudging your part. They are not going to see you, be blinded by your beauty and just have to come talk to you. That may have happened to you, but where they now (If you are married or currently dating them, I'm not talking to you). You need to push them.
My first few months here I was at burger stand outside waiting for a burger. Some cute, clean cut, well dressed man, comes across the street and tells me that my beauty was blinding and he had to come me meet me, even if it was just to talk. I was beyond flattered so I gave him my phone number. So he invites to his new apartment so that he can cook me dinner and he assures me I have nothing to be nervous about because he has like 3 roomates with girlfriends and they will all be there. Throw caution to wind, sure I'll go. I get there and after talking to him and the roomates for a little while, I put the pieces together he not only wasn't the roomate, he didn't have a room. I don't think he had a home period, or ever. He was homeless. I left soon after. Lesson learned.
I leaned to flirt off a blog, so pathetic I know, but I did. It's so simple really. Everyone has their own way of flirting, and I need to salvage some of my dignity, so I'm not going to tell you what it said. But I will tell you that shit works. A little touch there, a little batted eyelash there, I'm teliing you, I tried that shit out at the grove, the snobbiest mall on planet earth and I was utterly amazed. Men who I didn't think would talk to me, otherwise, weren't completely repulsed when I touched their arm while asking them a question.
There is one aspect of flirtation that I still need to master. Be aware when someone is fliring with you. I was in Trader Joe's today buying groceries. Men, when I am buying groceries or working out, I have a plan or I am on a mission, so beware. Needless to say when I looked up and came out the shock of my groceries total, cute, cute, cute dude was eye fucking me in the next line. I looked up and caught it at the tail end and it was too late. He was wearing scrubs, his jacket was open and I caught the stitching. I'm not sure if it said RN or MD. Either way, damn.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tieing Up Loose Ends
So the big change that I keep whining about is that I'm turning this exclusively into dating blog. Yeah, I don't know anything about dating at 32, but I'm giving all of us late bloomers hope. And that get pretty or die trying link over there? That's my beauty blog. (**Snort**) Seriously. Late bloomers, unite!!
So, before I start entering my grand re-entrance into the blogging world, I guess I need to tie up some loose ends from the last couple of years. If you all have scrolled through for just a second, these two topics may have popped up, occasionally. (cough,cough).
1. I'm not an actress anymore
There's two things that were very prevalent on my past postings, the first being how badly I wanted to be an actress, and the second being the topic which I will cover in number two. I'm still in L. A., a feat to which I am still surprised. After two years of constant, constant poverty, almost full year of of unemployment, and several hundred dollars on acting classes and headshots spent to no avail, and countless other setbacks, I stopped. Even after not getting past go, I knew didn't love it anymore. But in this puzzling life altering process, clarity came. I pretty much came to the conclusion, that I'm a writer, specifically screenwriter/blogger extraordinaire and I'm pretty sure I always have been, and have been pursuing pretty heavily it ever since.
2. Loverboy
Wow, too say I was obsessed was kind of an understatement, right? Well, after I moved out our story didn't end there. To sum it up, he never really left my life. Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. But, I really wish I can explain it but I can't. He ended up breaking up with the girl who was basically living with us and getting another girlfriend. I ended up diving into a very, very unhealthy relationship, just a prove a point to myself that I can move on. That guy sucked, but in a weird way it gave me that nudge in the right direction that I so desperately needed. I also dated another guy right after him. He really wanted to be with me, like for real. I'm ashamed to say I've never had that experience before. But it was nice. That guy ended up being an obsessive controlling dickweed, and I broke it off with him after a couple of months. But he became a turning point in my dating life. And I haven't settled for less since.
Yes, I'm still single. Looking back on my past postings, I really hated being single. But I hated it for the wrong reasons. Basically, for all those years, Loverboy was in close proximity of me whether we were actually living together, or him living down the street, so I guess I felt that if I got with someone else while he was still around, then that would kill any chance that I would ever have of him loving me. And because, of all the pressure I put on myself, and the misery of watching him get with other people instead of me, it resulted in me thinking I was never good enough for anyone. Therefore, I never tried.
It's different now. I have friends here, I'm a lot more settled. It's been four years. I'm single, but it's because I choose to be. I could have a man, sure, but it would be the unhealthiest relationship ever. Been there.
I have a job, two sadly(damn economy), that even though they are definitely not the ideal jobs, or neither the ideal pay. I didn't settle. I actually put some thought into what kind of environment I wanted to be in, what I wanted to do make money to pay my bills. It's not my life. This is.
So, before I start entering my grand re-entrance into the blogging world, I guess I need to tie up some loose ends from the last couple of years. If you all have scrolled through for just a second, these two topics may have popped up, occasionally. (cough,cough).
1. I'm not an actress anymore
There's two things that were very prevalent on my past postings, the first being how badly I wanted to be an actress, and the second being the topic which I will cover in number two. I'm still in L. A., a feat to which I am still surprised. After two years of constant, constant poverty, almost full year of of unemployment, and several hundred dollars on acting classes and headshots spent to no avail, and countless other setbacks, I stopped. Even after not getting past go, I knew didn't love it anymore. But in this puzzling life altering process, clarity came. I pretty much came to the conclusion, that I'm a writer, specifically screenwriter/blogger extraordinaire and I'm pretty sure I always have been, and have been pursuing pretty heavily it ever since.
2. Loverboy
Wow, too say I was obsessed was kind of an understatement, right? Well, after I moved out our story didn't end there. To sum it up, he never really left my life. Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. But, I really wish I can explain it but I can't. He ended up breaking up with the girl who was basically living with us and getting another girlfriend. I ended up diving into a very, very unhealthy relationship, just a prove a point to myself that I can move on. That guy sucked, but in a weird way it gave me that nudge in the right direction that I so desperately needed. I also dated another guy right after him. He really wanted to be with me, like for real. I'm ashamed to say I've never had that experience before. But it was nice. That guy ended up being an obsessive controlling dickweed, and I broke it off with him after a couple of months. But he became a turning point in my dating life. And I haven't settled for less since.
Yes, I'm still single. Looking back on my past postings, I really hated being single. But I hated it for the wrong reasons. Basically, for all those years, Loverboy was in close proximity of me whether we were actually living together, or him living down the street, so I guess I felt that if I got with someone else while he was still around, then that would kill any chance that I would ever have of him loving me. And because, of all the pressure I put on myself, and the misery of watching him get with other people instead of me, it resulted in me thinking I was never good enough for anyone. Therefore, I never tried.
It's different now. I have friends here, I'm a lot more settled. It's been four years. I'm single, but it's because I choose to be. I could have a man, sure, but it would be the unhealthiest relationship ever. Been there.
I have a job, two sadly(damn economy), that even though they are definitely not the ideal jobs, or neither the ideal pay. I didn't settle. I actually put some thought into what kind of environment I wanted to be in, what I wanted to do make money to pay my bills. It's not my life. This is.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Guess What....
Wow, a lot of difference 2 years makes right? I'm back, and I am now under construction. Wannabe starlet is now (officially) relaunching, I should be up and running soon, so check back frequently and often. Fell free to ask questions if you can't wait! There will be some major changes under way and I hope you all like them!!
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