And what makes me happy...

And what makes me happy..drum roll...Being in the movies!!

So I've been in the new apartment for around a month now, and at the moment, I am happy to report so far so good. There are a few problems in the apt. that still need to be fixed, but because it is so quiet, and the new neighbors are respectful and nice. It is a very fair trade off. I'm still not living in LA next year though.

Don't want to speak too soon, but right now, Mike and I are fine. I guess our friendship is better because I'm not obsessing over him any more and I'm trying to do my own thing. He's trying to do the same, and as a result. We have been able to hang out with no drama. It's really nice.

My cousin and I are fine. I was upset at her because she told me something I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear. My sister in turn backed up what she said, except meaner. The reason I bitched so much for so long, is that I did not, repeat did not want to focus on myself at all. Hell, I didn't even take myself into consideration when looking for the apartment in the first place. So I basically locked myself in the house in my room, with nothing but me and the TV, and did not talk on the phone to anyone for a few weeks.

The most shocking thing about the whole devil house scenario is how much I alienated my friends with my constant complaining. I really had no idea at the that I was in so much pain, and to be honest, there is really nothing else that can heal you but time. The whole Mike situation snowballed because I really took absolutely no time to analyze what was really going on. Also, it was compounded with the fact that I made a huge error in judgement in getting the apartment itself in the first place, I didn't check it out as thoroughly as I should have, I didn't ask enough questions, and I wasn't even close to my usual responsible self, because all I wanted to do was play house with Mike because it would be the answer to all of my problems. And guess what? not only did the problems still persist, they got worse. Thus, , briefly temporarily me turning into my mother.

My BFF were having a conversation last night about regrets, and to be honest, the only real regret that I have is moving into that apartment. Isn't that sad? So much unecessary stress, but whatever, I'm outta there now. I just hope I'm not on the street next time. I rather be there than back in Satan's summer home again.

Exorcise the Demons

Sorry its been so long, but I go away, i come back, i go away, I come back. That's life I guess.

So I moved out the house to my new apartment. The parking is kind of annoying, but its LA. Its weird. I've been through, a ridiculous amount of drama over the past year or so, so I am paranoid. Its not this huge relief like I thought it would be, probably because I'm expecting something bad to happen. And don't give me that bullshit about if you speak it, it will come into the universe. I thought living with the old lady was fine until I live there for a week and 50 million people were running in and out of the house...with keys.

I am in a different place with Mike as far as friends and such. We've only spoken regarding bills and/or sports. He's staying with his friend down the street. Whatever. That's all I have to say about that.

The self-esteem killer of the day came from **drum roll**, my cousin! I went to orange county this past weekend, first time in about two weeks. She texts message me at 5:00 this morning, and told me that she does not like to surround herself with negative energy and she feels that I give off too much. She doesn't answer her phone because she doesn't want people's energy to alter her mood. Now, I agree, I have become even more of a pessimest because of circumstances that happened in the last few months, but I am working my ass off to get my bearings back. She knows that more than anyone. But she only surrounds herself with positive energy are you fucking kidding me! This from a woman, keep in mind, who last August called the police on her fiance, because her choked her. Went to the hospital, and has a 3000 hospital bill on her credit because of her anxiety attacks. Her children's grandparents won't babysit them, nor will they visit her house and she's marrying into a deabeat family. But I'm the crazy bitch.

Also, speaking on such, I'm kind of over everybody being in love lately. Over it. I'm actually fine not being in a relationship lately, I'm just over my cousin, and people I'm around rubbing it in my fucking face. Like dude, I'm dating, plus I'm going to be screwed up for a long ass time because of this Mike shit. I know this. Let me be screwed up. Everyone at my second job has broken up or been dumped by their significant other, and they have all gone batshit crazy. Now mind you, my ass was BATSHIT PROZAC crazy when I was living in that house, and no one at either at my jobs knew it. I somehow managed to keep the crazy confined to public bathrooms and my room. Why can't everyone else.

I'm not speaking to Kita for a little while, because that cut like a knife. I'm also seriously going to make an effort to really confine myself to the solitude of my apartement and not talk to NOBODY, for a minute. Maybe the demons will exorcize themselves.