Exorcise the Demons

Sorry its been so long, but I go away, i come back, i go away, I come back. That's life I guess.

So I moved out the house to my new apartment. The parking is kind of annoying, but its LA. Its weird. I've been through, a ridiculous amount of drama over the past year or so, so I am paranoid. Its not this huge relief like I thought it would be, probably because I'm expecting something bad to happen. And don't give me that bullshit about if you speak it, it will come into the universe. I thought living with the old lady was fine until I live there for a week and 50 million people were running in and out of the house...with keys.

I am in a different place with Mike as far as friends and such. We've only spoken regarding bills and/or sports. He's staying with his friend down the street. Whatever. That's all I have to say about that.

The self-esteem killer of the day came from **drum roll**, my cousin! I went to orange county this past weekend, first time in about two weeks. She texts message me at 5:00 this morning, and told me that she does not like to surround herself with negative energy and she feels that I give off too much. She doesn't answer her phone because she doesn't want people's energy to alter her mood. Now, I agree, I have become even more of a pessimest because of circumstances that happened in the last few months, but I am working my ass off to get my bearings back. She knows that more than anyone. But she only surrounds herself with positive energy are you fucking kidding me! This from a woman, keep in mind, who last August called the police on her fiance, because her choked her. Went to the hospital, and has a 3000 hospital bill on her credit because of her anxiety attacks. Her children's grandparents won't babysit them, nor will they visit her house and she's marrying into a deabeat family. But I'm the crazy bitch.

Also, speaking on such, I'm kind of over everybody being in love lately. Over it. I'm actually fine not being in a relationship lately, I'm just over my cousin, and people I'm around rubbing it in my fucking face. Like dude, I'm dating, plus I'm going to be screwed up for a long ass time because of this Mike shit. I know this. Let me be screwed up. Everyone at my second job has broken up or been dumped by their significant other, and they have all gone batshit crazy. Now mind you, my ass was BATSHIT PROZAC crazy when I was living in that house, and no one at either at my jobs knew it. I somehow managed to keep the crazy confined to public bathrooms and my room. Why can't everyone else.

I'm not speaking to Kita for a little while, because that cut like a knife. I'm also seriously going to make an effort to really confine myself to the solitude of my apartement and not talk to NOBODY, for a minute. Maybe the demons will exorcize themselves.