I'll make this quick short and to the point; only because of time constraints. I also feel that I need to post because its been a couple of days and if you go too long without posting folks get mad at you...
So I've been really horny for about a week. Things tend to happen when your horny, at least to me anyway. It could be because the wonderful chemical concept commonly known as the female hormone, possesses you like the Exorcist. Also, these random events tend to happen when your only not getting any sex, but you also have no chance in hell or getting any sex anytime soon.
For example, everyone around you becomes attractive. "Fuckable" attractive. I have a gay friend who I pretty much see and hang out with every single day who has never even come close to getting me hot at all. In fact, it even grossed me out to entertain that idea. Put that boy in some soft lighting all of a sudden he's fucking Boris Kodjoe. Also, I got my cable installed in my new apartment. The cable guy was cute. Really, really, cute. Cable guys are never, cute, ever... They're always overweight, and no matter what part of the United States you live in, they're really country.
If you watch the Surreal life, Peter Brady from the Brady Bunch is one of the cast members. I swear if he was sitting next to me right now,I would jump his bones. Last, but not least, songs make you horny. Not just sex songs, but the most random song in the world makes you horny. I will explain. I love Kanye West's music. Kanye, the man himself just doesn't do it for me. Through the Wire made me horny. Is it because of Kanye's voice? Umm no. Just that damn song made me horny. Or maybe it was that song combined with Peter Brady, hmmmm.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
The Many, Many girls in R&B part 2
In the topic that was discussed yesterday, I failed to mention the one singer who I believe represents all that is wrong with the entertainment industry...Tamia. Let me explain, I looove Tamia's voice, its truly amazing. I even had the pleasure of seeing Tamia in concert on the Ladies's First Tour and her voice is even more magnificent in person. She's gorgeous, she has an incredible body, and she could not possibly be more talented....but her albums suck. You see if Tamia had sold her soul to the devil and sung about sex and thugs, wore a belly shirt, or had some banging beats overpowering her voice, she would be where Beyonce is now, but she chose not to. She is actually the hard working, clean cut, gimmick free artist that all female R&B singers claim to be. She probably explained to Quincy Jones when she first got her deal that she wanted to sing songs that come from her heart and that showcase her vocal ability more so than distracting dance steps. As a result, she is the opening act for one of the biggest tours of last year. But, she didn't even sing a complete song, she sang a mini-medley that included songs that weren't even her own, and the only reason that I could tell her apart from her dancers (besides the shitty seats) is that she was the only one who was holding a microphone in her hand. I'm aware she was only the opening act, but her set looked like a straight up variety show. I mean they didn't even lift the curtain all the way while she performed. Its really sad, but you realize when you see someone like Miss Tamia, just exactly how much big stars sell their souls to become big stars. I truly believe that Beyonce believes that she identifies with Tamia on some level because in her feeble mind, she thinks its her innocence is part of the package that sells her. Ummm, Bee, Jigga didn't look at you and think "damn, baby girl can really make a real man out me with her purity and her spirit" he just thought, "damn she can make me...um..no, just damn...".
(For those of you, feeling sympathy for her at this point, don't forget she is married to Grant Hill who made 22 million dollars last year despite not playing for most of it.)
(For those of you, feeling sympathy for her at this point, don't forget she is married to Grant Hill who made 22 million dollars last year despite not playing for most of it.)
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The Many, Many girls in r&b
We are all very aware that r&b itself is overcrowded. We are even more aware that it is overcrowded with women. I ran across a video by a singer, I believe her name is Brooke Valentine, is singing a song about fighting in the club while shaking her weave with Lil' Jon is chanting behind her. Then I started thinking, is that Ciara, no wait its Ashanti, nope that's that girl that sings that country boy song. Then I came to the conclusion that this is ridiculous. All you have to do is take a semi-attractive girl, give her some long weave, one catchy song, let her dance to it with background dancers to make her look like she's a professional, mix and serve. Bam, you got a new "artist". Ciara to me did open my eyes to a few things. If you think about it, she followed a similar formula that made Beyonce a huge star. She took a catchy song, put a rapper on it who currently had a hit record, took a producer who currently had a hit record, breathed some lyrics and soon, she had a huge hit. If you think about it, Goodies and 1,2 step are almost the same song. Its like the producer decided to change 2 notes in Goodies, swap petey pablo for Missy, and changed the words. We have another really overplayed crappy song. I hope Ciara realizes that this is her last hurrah because she does not have the vocal skills at all to keep her on top.
Among the Monicas', Faith Evans', Brandy's, Nikole Ray's, and Tweet's. You have the three who arguably are the top girls, Beyonce/Destiny's Child(same thing), Ashanti(?), and Alicia Keys. I will explain why each of these girls have made it.
1. Beyonce.
Beyonce's gorgeous, like universally beautiful to black and white men. Not many black women have this kind of beauty that can make the stiffest most corporate KKK member stare at you with their mouth cracked open when they walk into a room. On top of her being that pretty, she can sing. Not just sing, but she can sing in church. That's weird. On top of that, what really drove her to the top was when she started dating the Jigga. I mean she's not just dating him, that's her boyfriend. Jigga's not rich people, he's wealthy. He's also a huge star. Huge to everybody, not just the urban folk. I wasn't even aware of how huge he really is until he debuted at #1 with that mash-up crap that he did with Linkin Park. Linkin Park! Huge. The more she refuses to talk about how she got with him, the more records she sells.
2. Alicia Keys.
Blah, blah. Alicia is talented, she can play piano and sing. You know what, doesn't impress me, a lot of people can piano and sing. What makes Alicia so special? That her record company promoted the hell out of her saying that she was some phenom, some child prodigy, who is so wise beyond her years. Her young age with such an old soul. Guess what, she's not so young. In fact she turned 27 yesterday. That would have placed her at about 24/25 when her first album came out. But every press release said she was 20. Why does this make a difference? Songs in A minor was a shitty album. It won 5 grammys, and every person that I know who bought that album agrees wholehartedly that its terrible. And she's pretty, not like Beyonce pretty, but she's a "light-skinned girl who looks like the pretty girl who went to my high school" pretty. That always helps. If alicia keys was some average looking 25 year old black girl with the same voice and credentials as the famous one now, she wouldn't have sold. The grammy people wouldn't have bought it either. We see what happened to India Arie.
3. Ashanti
So I know you're thinking why is she even included in this category. She can't sing and she can't dance. well, neither can Britney Spears and we see how poor she is. She's cute, not stunning. She really doesn't have any star quality either. Sure, we know that now, but what made her a star in the first place is that fact that being a female singer on an all-rap label was like, unheard of 3 years ago. Murder, Inc. was the shit, just like bad boy used to be, just like no limit used to be, just like death row used to be, just like....you see the list goes on and on. Foolish was cool, you have to give credit where credit's due, she can write, and her first solo hit didn't have a rapper on it. True enough, it was over a beat that was already a classic, and so was every song on her album, but that's beside the point. She's the one who actually started the trend for the solo marginally talented female r&b singer. Record companies started to catch on that they can make any black girl, give her a couple of vocal lessons, color coordinate their clothes, give her some ready made beats and instant star. After she hit, every other record company would pull every black female off the street they could find give her some long weave, and put her in the booth to sing. You see without Ashanti, there would be no Ciara.
So if you think another random girl in some video who looks like she should be a backup dancer as opposed to singing lead, you never know, she may be the next Pebbles....oh, wait who is she again?
Among the Monicas', Faith Evans', Brandy's, Nikole Ray's, and Tweet's. You have the three who arguably are the top girls, Beyonce/Destiny's Child(same thing), Ashanti(?), and Alicia Keys. I will explain why each of these girls have made it.
1. Beyonce.
Beyonce's gorgeous, like universally beautiful to black and white men. Not many black women have this kind of beauty that can make the stiffest most corporate KKK member stare at you with their mouth cracked open when they walk into a room. On top of her being that pretty, she can sing. Not just sing, but she can sing in church. That's weird. On top of that, what really drove her to the top was when she started dating the Jigga. I mean she's not just dating him, that's her boyfriend. Jigga's not rich people, he's wealthy. He's also a huge star. Huge to everybody, not just the urban folk. I wasn't even aware of how huge he really is until he debuted at #1 with that mash-up crap that he did with Linkin Park. Linkin Park! Huge. The more she refuses to talk about how she got with him, the more records she sells.
2. Alicia Keys.
Blah, blah. Alicia is talented, she can play piano and sing. You know what, doesn't impress me, a lot of people can piano and sing. What makes Alicia so special? That her record company promoted the hell out of her saying that she was some phenom, some child prodigy, who is so wise beyond her years. Her young age with such an old soul. Guess what, she's not so young. In fact she turned 27 yesterday. That would have placed her at about 24/25 when her first album came out. But every press release said she was 20. Why does this make a difference? Songs in A minor was a shitty album. It won 5 grammys, and every person that I know who bought that album agrees wholehartedly that its terrible. And she's pretty, not like Beyonce pretty, but she's a "light-skinned girl who looks like the pretty girl who went to my high school" pretty. That always helps. If alicia keys was some average looking 25 year old black girl with the same voice and credentials as the famous one now, she wouldn't have sold. The grammy people wouldn't have bought it either. We see what happened to India Arie.
3. Ashanti
So I know you're thinking why is she even included in this category. She can't sing and she can't dance. well, neither can Britney Spears and we see how poor she is. She's cute, not stunning. She really doesn't have any star quality either. Sure, we know that now, but what made her a star in the first place is that fact that being a female singer on an all-rap label was like, unheard of 3 years ago. Murder, Inc. was the shit, just like bad boy used to be, just like no limit used to be, just like death row used to be, just like....you see the list goes on and on. Foolish was cool, you have to give credit where credit's due, she can write, and her first solo hit didn't have a rapper on it. True enough, it was over a beat that was already a classic, and so was every song on her album, but that's beside the point. She's the one who actually started the trend for the solo marginally talented female r&b singer. Record companies started to catch on that they can make any black girl, give her a couple of vocal lessons, color coordinate their clothes, give her some ready made beats and instant star. After she hit, every other record company would pull every black female off the street they could find give her some long weave, and put her in the booth to sing. You see without Ashanti, there would be no Ciara.
So if you think another random girl in some video who looks like she should be a backup dancer as opposed to singing lead, you never know, she may be the next Pebbles....oh, wait who is she again?
Friday, January 21, 2005
Album Review: The Game
With Dr. Dre and Enimem spitting out more proteges in the last two years than any other rap svengali in the last 5, you would have to wonder how he maintains his success. From the chain that links Dr. Dre to Eminem to 50 cent to G-unit/Lloyd Banks/Young Buck to last but certainly not the least, the Game. Its easy to see with this album why Dre is still the doctor, because this album doesn't disappoint.
The formula that will contribute to Game's success and hopefully, his longevity, is that he is not a lyricist braggging about what he went through in his past, and how much of the shit he is that he surivived it. Instead, he takes the narrative apppoach, he not only lets his listeners know the trials he endured, he wants to paint them a picture. This is one of those few rap albums out that you actually find yourself paying more attention to the lyrics; as opposed to skipping to the next song if you don't like the first 5 seconds of the beat. For example; on track 3 Dreams, you can be sitting at your desk at work pounding on the keys until you hear the line; "I wanted to fuck Mya when I saw her ass sticking out on King Magazine talking about freaky things, now anything's possible after 50 fucked Viveca"....classic.
Although the rhymes on this album are great, because he has the great Dr. Dre guiding him along he has a lot of help. With production from Timberland, Needlez, DJ Quik, the underrated Scott Stortch, and of course the Dr., Game is able to find his flow greatly complemented without being overpowered. To me the standout track on this album has to be the obviously Eazy E influnced, "No more fun and Games", I, myself, almost fell out because I thought Eazy was going to come out the grave and spit a verse. The others are the Timberland produced, Put you in the game, Eminem produced we aint, and the Don't worry featuring Mary J. Blige. Like a lot of rappers, he has the obligitory tribute to his kid song, "Like Father, like son", but unlike other ones the Game actually makes you care about his son as much as he does.
I would like to give this no-filler, lyrically strong CD my exclusive car-ride on a long trip approval. Meaning, if you plan on driving from Mississippi to Chicago anytime soon and you forgot all of your CD's except this one, you'll be aiight....
The formula that will contribute to Game's success and hopefully, his longevity, is that he is not a lyricist braggging about what he went through in his past, and how much of the shit he is that he surivived it. Instead, he takes the narrative apppoach, he not only lets his listeners know the trials he endured, he wants to paint them a picture. This is one of those few rap albums out that you actually find yourself paying more attention to the lyrics; as opposed to skipping to the next song if you don't like the first 5 seconds of the beat. For example; on track 3 Dreams, you can be sitting at your desk at work pounding on the keys until you hear the line; "I wanted to fuck Mya when I saw her ass sticking out on King Magazine talking about freaky things, now anything's possible after 50 fucked Viveca"....classic.
Although the rhymes on this album are great, because he has the great Dr. Dre guiding him along he has a lot of help. With production from Timberland, Needlez, DJ Quik, the underrated Scott Stortch, and of course the Dr., Game is able to find his flow greatly complemented without being overpowered. To me the standout track on this album has to be the obviously Eazy E influnced, "No more fun and Games", I, myself, almost fell out because I thought Eazy was going to come out the grave and spit a verse. The others are the Timberland produced, Put you in the game, Eminem produced we aint, and the Don't worry featuring Mary J. Blige. Like a lot of rappers, he has the obligitory tribute to his kid song, "Like Father, like son", but unlike other ones the Game actually makes you care about his son as much as he does.
I would like to give this no-filler, lyrically strong CD my exclusive car-ride on a long trip approval. Meaning, if you plan on driving from Mississippi to Chicago anytime soon and you forgot all of your CD's except this one, you'll be aiight....
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
You can tell a lot by a person by asking this question....
Do you like the movie John Q..
I have noticed in my spotty at best dating record that you can eliminate a lot of unecessary people in your life by finding out if a person enjoyed the movie John Q. Let me explain my position on this, John Q is a movie starrring Denzel Washington, Robert Duvall, James Woods, Kimberly Elise and Ray Liotta that was in theatres in 2001. You would think that since Denzel is not only the lead, but is supported by a super-strong cast, and on top of that has a plot that the public can somewhat identify with (son cannot receive a heart transplant because the parents insurance will not cover the cost, so Denzel takes in law into his own hands, insert mean sounding revenge music here) that this would be at the very least a halfway decent film... Wrong, very wrong, this movie is bad. Unwatchable almost. But a lot of people are so blinded by Denzel being this martyr among black actors, that it actually comes out of a lot of people's mouths that this movie is good. I have actually heard more that one person say that the movie made them cry.
So I go back to the original question, what can you tell about a person who says that they enjoyed the movie John Q? Keep in mind that this theory is only valid in some cases, not all. Hell, you all may know some college professors and/or Rhodes Scholars who like John Q (I highly doubt it though.....)
1. They tend to be followers
This point goes back to my original argument, that Denzel is perceived as a martyr among black actors, or possibly a martyr among black men. When truth be told, Denzel sold out long time ago. With the exception of Training Day(garbage), and Man on Fire(crap) he has portrayed the same character in every single movie for the last ten years. Hell, even the guys he played in Man on Fire and Training Day can be first cousins.
2. They have no taste in movies
When someone tells me that they enjoyed John Q, I sometimes follow the question with another, Did you like Queen of the Damned? In my humble opinion, Queen of the Damned is literally the most horrible movie ever made. And as much as I love the late Aaliyah, and she is only in this movie for approximately 25 minutes. And no, she can't act.
3. They have bad taste in music
I know the two topics are unrelated but there are some people who like John Q, and those who own a Chingy CD, and listen to it frequently. There is a close correlation between people who like bad movies and bad music. Movies and music are both two of the highest forms of emotional release; nothing will take your mind off a bad day like a good movie or a good song. So if I had the shittiest day on earth and my man decides that he wants to cheer me up and rent Anchorman to make me laugh, I think at that exact moment, the relationship would be over for me.
Fortunately, there are exceptions to this rule, so don't completely rule out everyone who likes John Q or you would have no friends.
1. If they see John Q as a guilty pleasure
Guilty pleasures are fun, Cruel Intentions happens to be one of my favorite movies. Sometimes you just need something that is laughable bad to make you feel better. As your sitting there watching Showgirls, you will start thinking to yourself, as much as my life sucks right now, I did not get chosen to be in this movie.
2. It is counterbalanced by good movies
Okay, so they think that John Q is a good movie, but if you continue to pick their brain and you see that John Q is the anomaly on that list, sigh in relief. Just be aware that the person that you are speaking to has something very wrong with them that they are trying to hide.
Believe me, this is just a theory, a hypothesis. It has not been properly scientifically tested. But believe me when I do finally gather data, I'm applying for a patent because this shit is bulletproof.
I have noticed in my spotty at best dating record that you can eliminate a lot of unecessary people in your life by finding out if a person enjoyed the movie John Q. Let me explain my position on this, John Q is a movie starrring Denzel Washington, Robert Duvall, James Woods, Kimberly Elise and Ray Liotta that was in theatres in 2001. You would think that since Denzel is not only the lead, but is supported by a super-strong cast, and on top of that has a plot that the public can somewhat identify with (son cannot receive a heart transplant because the parents insurance will not cover the cost, so Denzel takes in law into his own hands, insert mean sounding revenge music here) that this would be at the very least a halfway decent film... Wrong, very wrong, this movie is bad. Unwatchable almost. But a lot of people are so blinded by Denzel being this martyr among black actors, that it actually comes out of a lot of people's mouths that this movie is good. I have actually heard more that one person say that the movie made them cry.
So I go back to the original question, what can you tell about a person who says that they enjoyed the movie John Q? Keep in mind that this theory is only valid in some cases, not all. Hell, you all may know some college professors and/or Rhodes Scholars who like John Q (I highly doubt it though.....)
1. They tend to be followers
This point goes back to my original argument, that Denzel is perceived as a martyr among black actors, or possibly a martyr among black men. When truth be told, Denzel sold out long time ago. With the exception of Training Day(garbage), and Man on Fire(crap) he has portrayed the same character in every single movie for the last ten years. Hell, even the guys he played in Man on Fire and Training Day can be first cousins.
2. They have no taste in movies
When someone tells me that they enjoyed John Q, I sometimes follow the question with another, Did you like Queen of the Damned? In my humble opinion, Queen of the Damned is literally the most horrible movie ever made. And as much as I love the late Aaliyah, and she is only in this movie for approximately 25 minutes. And no, she can't act.
3. They have bad taste in music
I know the two topics are unrelated but there are some people who like John Q, and those who own a Chingy CD, and listen to it frequently. There is a close correlation between people who like bad movies and bad music. Movies and music are both two of the highest forms of emotional release; nothing will take your mind off a bad day like a good movie or a good song. So if I had the shittiest day on earth and my man decides that he wants to cheer me up and rent Anchorman to make me laugh, I think at that exact moment, the relationship would be over for me.
Fortunately, there are exceptions to this rule, so don't completely rule out everyone who likes John Q or you would have no friends.
1. If they see John Q as a guilty pleasure
Guilty pleasures are fun, Cruel Intentions happens to be one of my favorite movies. Sometimes you just need something that is laughable bad to make you feel better. As your sitting there watching Showgirls, you will start thinking to yourself, as much as my life sucks right now, I did not get chosen to be in this movie.
2. It is counterbalanced by good movies
Okay, so they think that John Q is a good movie, but if you continue to pick their brain and you see that John Q is the anomaly on that list, sigh in relief. Just be aware that the person that you are speaking to has something very wrong with them that they are trying to hide.
Believe me, this is just a theory, a hypothesis. It has not been properly scientifically tested. But believe me when I do finally gather data, I'm applying for a patent because this shit is bulletproof.
Friday, January 14, 2005
clearing things up..
I would like to clarify the name of the person who gave me the idea to start my blog, yesterday I said his name was Panama D. Johnson, but his name is Panama D. Jackson (sorry man). I have a throat infection and I am on medication so obviously the ingredients in it went to my brain cells as opposed to my throat, which would explain why I still don't feel better.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
My first blog ever!!
Never in a million years would I have guessed that in my adult life I would turn into this internet junkie and begin to post my own blog, wow. Actually its not such a big deal, I got this idea from my good friend Panama D Johnson, who also has his own blog and who reassured me that I can release the inner Carrie Bradshaw by starting my own blog. And he reassured me that I wouldn't be a dork if I did. No offense to dorks out there, I'm just excited.
So I guess I should clear some things up, let's start with my name...wannabestarlet. I am currently an out of work actress, well more like a never had work actress, who is slumming as an office manager in an undisclosed location. I have had problems in the past of always craving attention that I have recently come to terms with, after a couple of binge drinking nights, a failed engagement, and a couple episodes of "Girlfriends" have recently brought to the forefront. I figure I can just take my gripes out on this. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all political on you people. I hate politics. I watch the news and I know Bush is an idiot, but at the end of the day I'm not going to come home and bitch about Bush's new plan for privatizing social security. Its just not a subject that takes my mind off stuff.
But not to worry, I have plenty of thoughts running rampant in this feeble college educated but more life educated brain of mine, like how the hell did Faith Evans become a size 4, or how unattractive Puffy and no one ever says anything about it, and how weirdly the movie Tupac: Resurrection can be a nice conversation piece on a date even with a guy you can't stand (watch it girls and take notes you may get some sex that night).
So I guess I should clear some things up, let's start with my name...wannabestarlet. I am currently an out of work actress, well more like a never had work actress, who is slumming as an office manager in an undisclosed location. I have had problems in the past of always craving attention that I have recently come to terms with, after a couple of binge drinking nights, a failed engagement, and a couple episodes of "Girlfriends" have recently brought to the forefront. I figure I can just take my gripes out on this. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all political on you people. I hate politics. I watch the news and I know Bush is an idiot, but at the end of the day I'm not going to come home and bitch about Bush's new plan for privatizing social security. Its just not a subject that takes my mind off stuff.
But not to worry, I have plenty of thoughts running rampant in this feeble college educated but more life educated brain of mine, like how the hell did Faith Evans become a size 4, or how unattractive Puffy and no one ever says anything about it, and how weirdly the movie Tupac: Resurrection can be a nice conversation piece on a date even with a guy you can't stand (watch it girls and take notes you may get some sex that night).
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