The Trifles...

I am writing a preface now because I don't want anybody stealing my ideas. I don't know the exact details of the copywrighting process, so I am just going to say now that this is etched in stone and no one needs to steal my shit, and if somebody from Saturday night live is reading this feel free to steal it because you all need some major writing help.

I came up with a SNL sketch idea this past week. This sketch is based on a family called The Trifles. The Trifles is a shortened version of their given name, Trifling. There is mom and pop trifiling, the kids, the little triflings, and last but not least, crazy drunk uncle trifling.

This idea stemmed from events that I have experienced over the past week that involved a collective group of people talking out of their ass. Its a long story, but I'll make it very brief being that my hands are tired and I need to save some material for the movie.

Today 9:00 a.m.
There is a woman at my part time job who is a complete and total attention whore. She's also one of those women who realized one day that she is a uber-bitch and needs to start acting nice because people are starting to catch on and she cannot take advantage of them like she wants to. She's also is one of those bitches who tries to get everyone to like her and see how wonderful she is only so she can proceed to use them to get what she wants. No, to answer your question she is not Jennifer Lopez. A classic moment of hers is when she initiated the collection of her own wedding gift from the people at work...no I'm being too nice....She bullied someone else into taking a collection of her wedding gift. Only half of the office gave money, so the girl felt so bad about it she chipped in a substantial amount of her own cash to get her something worthwhile. She still doesn't know why she did that. I told her to keep it quiet just in case a cussing out erupts and this information is necessary.

This woman is so hell bent on being the topic of conversation at all times that she called work on a day that she was out "sick", to tell us that she was taking a pregnancy test. This information wasn't probed mind you, it was offered voluntarily. I believe she wanted everyone to get excited about the fact that she might possibly be pregnant. She wasn't even at work today. That is some sick shit.

Monday 11:00
I am supposed to be taking a trip to Cali next week. The only real reason I am going this early is because (1)I made a promise to my newly relocated cousin that I would be there that week. (2) There is a family reunion that week, and although I hate family reunions with a fiery burning passion in my soul, there are some people who may be there who I would like to see. So I scrimp and save to buy a plane ticket that is really overpriced. So, somebody needs to be making up my place to sleep and taking off work to pick me up from the airport.
"Hey, I'm coming out soon!!"
"cool. We're about to move to our new place. When are you coming?"
"next friday."
silence
"hello?"
"uhhh, well what hotel are you staying at?"
"well, no hotel, I can't really afford this trip unless I stay with someone."
"Did you buy your ticket?"
"no but its on reserve because the money goes into my account tonight."
"well, let me talk to some folks and I'll call you back"

2 days later. Nothing.

Cousin #2
"hey, I'm coming out next week?"
"oh, for the reunion?"
"yep, hey listen, the person that I was staying with is being kind of sketchy for some reason, is it all right if stay there for a couple of days?"

silence
"well, I guess, but I'll let you know for sure later."
"okay, bye"

So I call my parents and tell them I'm not going.

I don't really blame either of my cousins for their unenthusiastic lack of hospitality, but damn, let someone know ahead of time.How hard is it to say, "Dude, you can't stay with me too much drama." Its not that hard and Thank God I'm not trifiling, because if I was I would be seriously pissed off if someone told me that.
As far as attention whore, well, I'm pretty sure she's not pregnant because I haven't seen or heard a marching band come through our office. Plus, like myself, she's vein. And us, vein folks always use some sort of birth control. I hope she catches on that we all got her pretty much figured out. She really thinks that she is loved by all. If she only knew that if she actually was with child, the topic of conversation would not necessarily be the sex of the baby, but it would be if the baby would wear as much makeup as her.