I know, its been forever. I was sitting in California sleeping, thinking damn its been a log time since I updated. Sadly, yes that was on my mind.
I also realized that I've been sleeping when it comes to the blog topics. The whole point of having an online journal is to tell the real truth, albeit anonymously, and talk about exactly what your thinking. I also thought I was writing about sex too much. The truth is, my best friend reads this blog frequently, and even though she's my best friend, not my parent or relative. I care more about what she thinks about me than my own actual family. So, here it goes, sorry moderntemptress.
I have mentioned on this blog before about how I don't really have boyfriends, just fuck buddies. Well, I have had a steady one about two months now, and he's white. Actually, two but I'll get to that in a minute.
What's the big question here, what's the big difference between sleeping with a white men and a black man? It actually depends on the person, but I'll answer the question based on my experience so far.
1.Less drama
I never really realized that black men really had drama like that until I started sleeping with white men. The fb I had before had some kind of control issue. He always wanted to come over when he felt like it, at a time I couldn't accomodate. I don't have anyone over my house after 10 during the week, b/c I'm sleep. This asshole would say he's coming over at 9:30 and if he did show up, it would be at like 11. And would be confused to why I was pissed. And, they always have to do something before hand, i.e. "I had to drop of my cousin at work," or "I had to drop my boy off at his cousin house".
Don't even get me started on the fact that there is always a baby mama, or someone who is about to become a baby mama that they either lie about or go outside to talk to on the cell. If you already got somebody pregnant, don't you think you should calm down on the sex? Like I said, this is not every black man, just the ones I have experienced recently.
White men usually do not fuck around like that unless they are completely unattached, and when I mean unattached, I mean if they do have a girlfriend or someone their seeing, its about to end real soon. They are also very organized when it comes to a hookup. If they want to fuck you again, they'll let you know right then and there. And in some instances, let you know exactly when they want to do it again.
2. They're bigger givers in bed.
Don't get me wrong there are plenty of black men who are givers in bed, but some seem like their kind of indifferent about it. With a white guy, they will not get off unless you do, period.
So I guess the burning question, is have I completely crossed to the other side? The answer is no. I just generally find black men turn me on a lot more than white men. But at least now, I have something to compare it to.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Pretty People Make me Sick
Yes, I watch MTV way too much because I have no life. This is no secret. So it is only inevitable, that a reality show on MTV inspired some or rather my posts.
This one ladies and gentlemen, is sponsored by MTV's 8th and Ocean.
I have been very upset for the last few days, because, hence the blog name I want to be an actress. Well, acting is kind of like a modified version of modeling. You don't have to be tall or anything, but you have to be skinny and good looking to have a chance.
I was talking online with my friend earlier this week, who is currently getting a shitload of auditions, who is pissed at the caliber of auditions that he is getting. Mind you in the last two years he's been out there, he's filmed two small informercials, two print ads, a small role in a direct to DVD film, and he just audtioned for a TV movie. And he's pissed.
Now keep in mind that he's attractive. Not like your college crush, or athlete attractive, but soap opera attractive. You see him, you immediately think soap opera.
I told him the reason you are getting all of these auditions is because your pretty. You bitch now, there are some classically trained actors who have been out there for 10+ years, who can act circles around you, and a casting director would pick you over them because your good looking.
He tries to rebuttle, and says that he has to struggle just as much as any other actor out there. To which I reply, "Are you living in your car stripping for a little and eating nothing but ramen noodles? Have you ever lived in your car?, Have you had any trouble getting auditions since you've been out here? People who have lived out there for years, have more experience than you and don't get shit, because they're not cute.
He didn't get it. Pretty people never do.
Back to my 8th and Ocean point, I was watching an episode last night and there is a male model who makes his agency six figures a year, who is a complete egotistical asshole. He missed two castings from people who actually requested him personally, and actually had the nerve to hang up on his agent who woke him up from his sleep. They had a meeting about his behavior, to which he went off on his agents.
What's the response from them, "Well, its no point in dropping him, because he'll walk right out and sign with someone else."
Thats pretty much the secret I have been figuring out for a lot of my life, why we expect so many good looking people not to be nice. Its because they don't have to be.
It has been scientifically proven that attractive people get farther in life, so if you have gotten this far in life based on how good looking you are, and everyone kissses your ass because of it, why should you be nice? Also, if you are a complete asshole or a moron, its almost excused because your beautiful. That makes me ill.
This one ladies and gentlemen, is sponsored by MTV's 8th and Ocean.
I have been very upset for the last few days, because, hence the blog name I want to be an actress. Well, acting is kind of like a modified version of modeling. You don't have to be tall or anything, but you have to be skinny and good looking to have a chance.
I was talking online with my friend earlier this week, who is currently getting a shitload of auditions, who is pissed at the caliber of auditions that he is getting. Mind you in the last two years he's been out there, he's filmed two small informercials, two print ads, a small role in a direct to DVD film, and he just audtioned for a TV movie. And he's pissed.
Now keep in mind that he's attractive. Not like your college crush, or athlete attractive, but soap opera attractive. You see him, you immediately think soap opera.
I told him the reason you are getting all of these auditions is because your pretty. You bitch now, there are some classically trained actors who have been out there for 10+ years, who can act circles around you, and a casting director would pick you over them because your good looking.
He tries to rebuttle, and says that he has to struggle just as much as any other actor out there. To which I reply, "Are you living in your car stripping for a little and eating nothing but ramen noodles? Have you ever lived in your car?, Have you had any trouble getting auditions since you've been out here? People who have lived out there for years, have more experience than you and don't get shit, because they're not cute.
He didn't get it. Pretty people never do.
Back to my 8th and Ocean point, I was watching an episode last night and there is a male model who makes his agency six figures a year, who is a complete egotistical asshole. He missed two castings from people who actually requested him personally, and actually had the nerve to hang up on his agent who woke him up from his sleep. They had a meeting about his behavior, to which he went off on his agents.
What's the response from them, "Well, its no point in dropping him, because he'll walk right out and sign with someone else."
Thats pretty much the secret I have been figuring out for a lot of my life, why we expect so many good looking people not to be nice. Its because they don't have to be.
It has been scientifically proven that attractive people get farther in life, so if you have gotten this far in life based on how good looking you are, and everyone kissses your ass because of it, why should you be nice? Also, if you are a complete asshole or a moron, its almost excused because your beautiful. That makes me ill.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Walk Away
A friend of mine who I work with every morning ask me to borrow 20 dollars, since she's an actual friend, I don't mind giving it to her, but the money is really for her trifling ass husband. To which case, I won't.
Since I really hate telling as well as hearing long stories I'll make this one short as possible with bullet points, then proceed to my actual point.
*My friend is a size 26
*From what I hear, every man she's ever dated has called her fat or pressured her to lose weight.
*so she met as well as married a man she met on the internet.
*he's broke, not normal people broke like most of us are, but no won't keep a job broke. Won't, I said. Not can't.
*he won't let her go anywhere without him, and he bosses her around.
*he's not attractive.
*she stays with because she says she loves him because he's her best friend, but she comes in looking depressed all the time.
*he has a good job now that he's going to quit because he doesn't like it.
*when she threatened to leave him, he cried like a baby and begged her to stay.
*she's trying to lose weight now b/c she's wants his kids.
*he has no friends, b/c he thinks he doesn't need any because he has his wife.
I usually don't care about stuff like this, because its none of my business, but this fascinates me for two reasons. The first and most importantly, I was in a relationship almost exactly like this one roughly three and a half years ago, and everybody, I mean everybody told me how bad it was, to which I didn't listen and always responded that I was in love and this was the choice I made. I wish I had listened to everybody else.
Whenever she talks about it, I lecture her because its almost like I'm lecturing my 22 year old self. I don't know on earth how I could have been so stupid.
The second reason is, after talking (or rather yelling at her) I realize how much of a man that I have evolved into. She always says that I'm not walking away from my marriage because I love him. And I reply, "So what", to which she looks at me like I'm crazy. After a series of failed "relationships", I believe I lost my girl gene as far as dating goes, so to speak. It's all about sex now. When I can get it, and who I can get it with. Addam asked me if my current fuck buddy was coming over this weekend. He said his name, and I said, "Who?". Sick. I know.
Its just a phase, I'm aware. I know somebody will say, "Oh, when you find your soulmate, you'll know, and you'll feel so different." Whatever.
I just don't believe in putting yourself through torture, or some sort of severe physical or psychological uncomfort, when you can just get rid of the guy.
But in her case, she's settling because he decided to be with her even though she's big, and everything else is secondary.
I really need to tell that story about my gay-ex boyfriend one day, but sorry, I'm saving it for a screenpaly.
Since I really hate telling as well as hearing long stories I'll make this one short as possible with bullet points, then proceed to my actual point.
*My friend is a size 26
*From what I hear, every man she's ever dated has called her fat or pressured her to lose weight.
*so she met as well as married a man she met on the internet.
*he's broke, not normal people broke like most of us are, but no won't keep a job broke. Won't, I said. Not can't.
*he won't let her go anywhere without him, and he bosses her around.
*he's not attractive.
*she stays with because she says she loves him because he's her best friend, but she comes in looking depressed all the time.
*he has a good job now that he's going to quit because he doesn't like it.
*when she threatened to leave him, he cried like a baby and begged her to stay.
*she's trying to lose weight now b/c she's wants his kids.
*he has no friends, b/c he thinks he doesn't need any because he has his wife.
I usually don't care about stuff like this, because its none of my business, but this fascinates me for two reasons. The first and most importantly, I was in a relationship almost exactly like this one roughly three and a half years ago, and everybody, I mean everybody told me how bad it was, to which I didn't listen and always responded that I was in love and this was the choice I made. I wish I had listened to everybody else.
Whenever she talks about it, I lecture her because its almost like I'm lecturing my 22 year old self. I don't know on earth how I could have been so stupid.
The second reason is, after talking (or rather yelling at her) I realize how much of a man that I have evolved into. She always says that I'm not walking away from my marriage because I love him. And I reply, "So what", to which she looks at me like I'm crazy. After a series of failed "relationships", I believe I lost my girl gene as far as dating goes, so to speak. It's all about sex now. When I can get it, and who I can get it with. Addam asked me if my current fuck buddy was coming over this weekend. He said his name, and I said, "Who?". Sick. I know.
Its just a phase, I'm aware. I know somebody will say, "Oh, when you find your soulmate, you'll know, and you'll feel so different." Whatever.
I just don't believe in putting yourself through torture, or some sort of severe physical or psychological uncomfort, when you can just get rid of the guy.
But in her case, she's settling because he decided to be with her even though she's big, and everything else is secondary.
I really need to tell that story about my gay-ex boyfriend one day, but sorry, I'm saving it for a screenpaly.
Friday, March 03, 2006
A posing question...
During one of many of the sleepless nights this week, my guy friend and I were having a disscussion about 1:00 in the morning about women. Long story short, he was fooling around with this woman, a black woman,decided she was crazy and didn't want to deal with her anymore and she got pissed. She's a attorney mind you, single, no kids, and drives a Mercedes, and his broke ass dropped her. Why did he drop her you ask? He said she was crazy. So crazy in fact, that he told me that she literally calls him every hour on the hour, house phone and cell phone, and leaves voicemails cussing him out. He let me hear a couple of them, and yeah, she's cracked.
This is going to sound really bad, and lord forgive me for saying this, but my mother acts like that. On the outside looking in she's the sweetest, most polite, and mannerable woman you could ever meet. She's a substitite teacher, and has to turn down jobs because everybody likes her so much. But when it comes to my father, she is ruthless. She becomes this unbelieveably jealous, horribly insecure, possesive nightmare. When it comes to my father, if she sees anyone posing a threat (and by threat, I mean someone my father actually talks to on a regular basis) she pounces like a lion to get them out of his life. Sadly, she even does this to her own kids. My father had to get a seperate cell phone that she doesn't even know about just so she won't eavesdrop on him or call back the numbers on his bill.
Continuing with my previous discussion, he said that he can count on one hand the number of black women he has met in his life without an attitude. My best friend who I've known since I was 13, have a conversation on a regular basis on how we have not really made any black female friends in our adult lives. All the black females that I am friends with I'm either related to or went to school with.
Why is that?
I'm not going to generalize and say that all black women are bitches, because they're not. I love my friends, and they don't act like that at all. My sister, for example does really well. She has a great husband, lives very comfortably and is generally satisfied with her life. But my dear sister, bless her heart, is by her own admission a snobby bitch, and about 90% of her female friends are white. I asked her why and she said that every black female that she tried to befriend in her adult life fell out with her because of a man, or they became somewhat jealous and needy because she was more successful than them. I hate to admit but I think she's right. I think this because I have a group of cousins in her age group that live where I live, who wince when I talk about her.
I don't know what to think about this, I hate making the generalization that all black women have attitudes because they don't. But I wonder do all you successful females feel this way or what?
This is going to sound really bad, and lord forgive me for saying this, but my mother acts like that. On the outside looking in she's the sweetest, most polite, and mannerable woman you could ever meet. She's a substitite teacher, and has to turn down jobs because everybody likes her so much. But when it comes to my father, she is ruthless. She becomes this unbelieveably jealous, horribly insecure, possesive nightmare. When it comes to my father, if she sees anyone posing a threat (and by threat, I mean someone my father actually talks to on a regular basis) she pounces like a lion to get them out of his life. Sadly, she even does this to her own kids. My father had to get a seperate cell phone that she doesn't even know about just so she won't eavesdrop on him or call back the numbers on his bill.
Continuing with my previous discussion, he said that he can count on one hand the number of black women he has met in his life without an attitude. My best friend who I've known since I was 13, have a conversation on a regular basis on how we have not really made any black female friends in our adult lives. All the black females that I am friends with I'm either related to or went to school with.
Why is that?
I'm not going to generalize and say that all black women are bitches, because they're not. I love my friends, and they don't act like that at all. My sister, for example does really well. She has a great husband, lives very comfortably and is generally satisfied with her life. But my dear sister, bless her heart, is by her own admission a snobby bitch, and about 90% of her female friends are white. I asked her why and she said that every black female that she tried to befriend in her adult life fell out with her because of a man, or they became somewhat jealous and needy because she was more successful than them. I hate to admit but I think she's right. I think this because I have a group of cousins in her age group that live where I live, who wince when I talk about her.
I don't know what to think about this, I hate making the generalization that all black women have attitudes because they don't. But I wonder do all you successful females feel this way or what?
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