Reflections......

Yes, I'm still in the house of satan. But I hope to bust out soon. I am sure I will be gone before the end of this year. But it still sucks.

I go to audit my first acting class tonight. I am terrified. Really nervous. I am aware its just an audit, I am just going to look at a class, but this is the first actual step that I have put towards my acting career in hmmm. About 1 and 3/4 years? Not counting moving across the country to pursue it of course. It so weird because this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. What I was born to do. And just actually being within an actual class with other actors working in the business is just unreal to me. I can't wrap my brain around it.

Oh yeah, I am moving into an apartment in less than a month. And as of now, yes I am moving in with Loverboy. I am in extremely, extremely deep denial. Because A) I haven't had my own place in a over a year, and B) Here you can't just move into a place, and say "do, do, do. I don't like it. I'm moving out blah, blah." Its such a huge committment as well as so much money that if you screw up something such as the location, or misreading something on the lease. You're fucked. For a while.

Also, adding to the terrifying aspect I am moving in with Loverboy. When I moved out here, my selfish mind would always hope we'd get closer, but moving in together? I didn't really see that happening. Its still strictly on a friendship level of couse. But I don't know. I have always been the type as to when I'm at home, I'm at home, I'm in my room, eating, watching my cable, leave me the fuck alone. Plus, he's nuts so he can't stay in the house. So as far as conflicts, I'm going to try to avoid it as much as possible. Just knowing I'm going to have my own space in california, another thing I can't really wrap my brain around.

These last seven months have been so trying for me, to say the least. It's still difficult. It feels like seven years. And sadly, I have it good compared to some people. But like the pastor said in church, God puts you through storms to mold you into a better person, and he give you the light when he feels you can truly appreciate it and he's damn sure done that for me. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it would be this hard. Let's just say, I'm necessarily a completely different person persay, but I look at my attitude no compared to when I first got here seven months ago and I don't know who the fuck that person is.