The book coming soon...

We got out of the lease. I have to be out of my apartement by the end of this month. I don't have to live with Michael anymore after the end of this month. Am I happy? Mmmm, its bittersweet. I don't have to deal with looking at the man I love and the woman he loves for another 7 months.

How did we get you ask? God, that's how. Long story short, we have been having problems with the neighbors parking, and when we called the landlord on them, they threatened us and him. So he let us out. Deposit back and all.

Its bitterweet because I'm still really, really depressed. My depression has gone though different phases. For a while, I was just really angry. Mad at myself for being the emotional trashbasket for so long, then mad at him for making me love him, and then coming to the realization that he never loved me back, then mad at myself because I didn't feel like I was good enough, I was pretty enough, sexy enough, girly enough, then mad at him him again for not giving me any respect and being a self-involved piece of shit. Like 6 years never happened. Man, I was angry. Now, I'm just really hurt. Just hurt about the whole situation.

Not to comapare my situation to anyone else's but this happens all the time. People get involved in each other's lives only for it to end. One may fall out of love with the other, or both may fall out of love. Kids sometimes are involved, money, property, and it gets pretty ugly. It just happens. It just does. That doesn't make it suck any less, though.

This phase has been the least physically challenging to deal with so far, I am able to eat and sleep a little with this one. I am far from reaching acceptance, it will probably be some years until I get there, but at the very least I want to move on. I want to not hurt anymore. I don't want to know why he didn't want me or what I could do. I just want to be normal again and go a week without writing a blog about him.