50 things I learned about myself this year

Yes, I know its been freaking forever since my last entry. I apologize, I've been very blocked. So blocked in fact, that I actual stole this idea from another person's blog. Of course, I had to put my own spin on it, so instead of 100 things about me, I'm listing 50 things that I have learned about myself this year. Yes, I know its only February, but it is already proving itself to be the year of change and self-realization. In a nutshell, a lot of shit has happened and there are issues that I need to deal with so, I will begin.

1. I get mad easily
2. Nothing urks me more than people who don't like me.
3. I apologize too much.
4. I am bitchy sometimes
5. I have serious issues with my body
6. I'm vain
7. I'm not vain because I think I'm pretty, I'm vain because I'm insecure.
8. I really hate when people are mad at me.
9. I am desperate for change.
10.I am terrified of change
11.I will never be one of those people who get lucky, if I want something I will always have to work very hard and/or beg to get it.
12.I pretend not to like attention, but I really live for it
13.I'm very aware that I am not that beautiful
14.It's not a matter of low self-esteem, but I'm not stupid.
15.My moods fluctuate from extra-laid back to overly aggressive.
16.I absolutely hate being mean
17.I'm never mean until I am pushed by someone being mean first.
18.I understand why I am perceived as snobby
19.I think that I am a better writer than I am an actress
20.I still want to be an actress
21. I not only want to be an actress for the sake of the craft, I would like to be successful as an actress to have the power to do anything I want, and it will automatically be accepted.
22.I am obsessed with being an actress and pop culture
23.I am because I believe that Tom Cruise or Will Smith has more clout than the president of the United states.
24.A trait that I would kill to have is charisma.
25.Charisma takes you very far in life, even more so than money
26.I believe charisma is what gets you money
27.I take way to many things personally
28.I generally enjoy listening to people
29.I hate people who talk to much
30.I also hate people who reveal too much about themselves too quickly
31.I will always fall for the wrong guy
32.I do not believe I am capable of having a normal relationship
33.I surround myself with people with colorful personalities
34.I don't understand people who do not have a personality
35.I'm really shy
36.People who meet me tend to trust me immediately
37.They also get comfortable a little to quickly
38.As a result, they sometimes say things to me that offend me
39.Then I get pissed off.
40.and the friendship is usually over
41.I'm a lot of things but I am not judgmental
42.The person whom I believed was the closest to me in my life has also been the one who has lied to me the most
43.I forgive her for that
44.I will never look at her the same
45.I am very loyal
46.Sometimes too loyal
47.I have a problem letting things go
48.I wish I didn't care what people thought of me
49.I say I don't, but I'm lying
50.I always take the high road, even if I don't want to.