"I'm not a player I just crush a lot......"

I know. Between these two jobs and my online classes, my sinus infection, and my dedication to my new quest for world domination, I just have not had the time to blog like I used to. Things will calm down soon. I know you miss me.

So I used to be the type of girl who really did not give a damn about relationships, not for a very long time at least. I would size up a guy in about 5 minutes, decide if he's fuckable, and proceed to invite him over to watch a "DVD". But of course, its only code for we're going to be in the dark sitting on the couch for a couple of hours, show me what you got. And when we're done, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. I don't know if its from being hurt in a relationship, or is it because its so much easier just giving a guy what they want immediately in order to decide if he's still worthy of you. To put it more blunt terms, I'll fuck you and if you call we'll have lunch. Its such a callous, crass way of thinking, such a guy way of thinking. But for real, I never did it to be a player. I did it because I felt that no man had anything to offer me except what's in between his legs. And of course I had fun doing it. But I guess I'm getting older. There's a man who works in my building, cute, really sweet, totally fuckable, who I talk to every day. Back in the day, I would have lived out one of my fantasies and pulled him in a broom closet and had my way with him by now and suffered the repurcussions, seeing him every day and acting like nothing happened. Things are different now, I believe that i have actually abstained so long that its not an issue to me as to when we're going to do it...okay well it is...but its not as big of an issue. I wonder what it would be like to get to know someone, find out what you like to do, be friends, a brand new adventure that I have taken on known as "DATING". I shudder to think.

What I cannot believe is how hard it is for me to not have sex. I know this is bad, but I have always believed that I have been a person whose sexual conquests have been part of their identity. That's really unhealthy, I know, but its true. I always had the consumate "fuck buddy" who was ready and willing at the touch of a button, and to be perfectly honest its been hard for me not to have one. I don't necessarily miss the affection, just the act of going throug the motions. But if I want to get married, or at least be capable of having a normal relationship. I have to do this. I have to stop, have self-control, only have intimacy with someone that I am dating. Because frankly, the orgasm isn't worth it anymore....


okay I'lm lying it is. Damn. This is going to be harder than I thought

The worst sitcom I have ever seen

I am a TV conessiur. (is that spelled right). More importantly I am a bad TV conessiur. I like bad TV, Tv is supposed to be entertaining, as well as remind you that there are people in the world who are really that stupid. So when you are watching TV, not a specific show persay, like Law and Order(s), or Desperate Housewives, because those are actually well written shows, but I am talking about the worst night of shows on television. Monday night on UPN (ahhhh, traumatizing, I know).

I won't bother to go into the plethora of bad TV shows that air on that channel. I will center specifically on one. A sitcom called Cutz. This "sitcom" starring Marques Houston and Shannon Elizabeth takes place in a barbershop/spa. Shannon Elizabeth plays a spoiled rich girl who comes into one of her father's businesses and makes her co-manager, against who's wishes do you ask, that's right the one and only IMX/Omarion's brother Marques Houston. Seems simple enough right? I won't even go into the acting because spitting out a whole bunch of lines before you lose your cocaine buzz does not count as anybody's acting, (yes shannon, i'm talking to you). Marques, I reluctantly say that your acting days peaked on Sister to Sister. and you're really, really short. Shannon, you look anorexic and strung out even on a 20" inch screen with bad lighting. And I know, its UPN but couldn't you all have chipped in a extra couple of thousand and gotten a better set. I look like I built that set....while I was sleep. There are,of course, the obligatory stereotypical supporting characters, I'm not suprised by that. What I am suprised by is that they just look like they are happy to be there, let alone act in a sitcom. There is a ghetto girl who plays Shannon Elizabeth's best friend can't even say a line that's supposed to emote some kind of emotion. The only emoting I see her doing is suppressing a grin that says; "Damn, y'all I can't believe I got on this show".

Like I said, I like bad TV, but this one really threw me for a loop. Oh, well at least we have some more working black actors representing. Marques Houston doesn't count though, he was in "You got served", he's had his time in the sun

"Whoot whoot" Pull over that ass is too fat

Disclaimer: I would first and foremost like to apologize for my lack of entries this past week and a half. I've been on "vacation". Is it me or when you're on vacation and you try to rest you end up even more stressed out than you would if you were on your job.

So, I've been at this losing weight thing for a while, and dammit I think I'm losing the battle. When I started, I actually started slowly instead of hardcore, and gradually eased my way into my new way of eating. I increased my exercise intensity little by little. As a result, 10 pounds came off. So here I am thinking that I am just cruising into a new body and I will be fine by the spring. I was wrong. It seems like the more weight you lose, the harder it is to lose more. I swear when morbidly obese people say that they have lost 50+ pounds, I am not as impressed as to when a size 10 woman says she whittled herself down to a size 4. I just don't get it.

First I tried switching my routine, instead of working out a night, I go in the morning. I attend formal exercise classes instead of just freelancing and bullshitting at the gym. Okay, so my eating is not the best, but its still leaps and bounds away from my 2 meal a day wendy's habit that I used to have. Nothing. Right now, I'm trying to use Nicole Ritchie (simple life girl) as a model. She and I have similar face shapes and body types. Lord knows, I don't want to be 97 pounds,I'm 5"8, but I figure if I go extreme there will at least be some progress.

Also, I came to a epiphany over my "vacation", the reason why my body is at a standstill is probably because of one thing and one thing only...I have big ass.'ve always known I had a big ass, but I'm talking about J-lo in Anaconda, tip drill ass. Some dude actually started singing that Pull over song out the window when he walked behind me.I will never be able to wear under a size 8 or wear low rise jeans because I got a badunk. Now I don't mind having a badunk, but the only really bad thing about having a badunk is that if you get bigger, your butt will automatically expand to twice your body size. You'll have a size 12 body with a size 16-18 ass, with dimples..not cute. To hell with it, I'll keep tryiing and if all else fails there's always the white girl diet