So I have a disability that I have been sufferring from my whole life and I must conquer it very soon, or it will be completely detrimental to my well being.
I suck at job interviews.
I mean I really suck so much ass at job interviews. Bad. I have been on several job interviews and I swear some people are just polite enough to let me finish before they throw my resume quickly into the trash.
So the first question is if I suck so badly on job interviews, how do I have the job that I have now. My workplace is very, very laid back. So laid back that we had a alcoholic working here for several years and the only reason that she was fired was because she didn't tell us that she was going to rehab. Also, my current boss doesn't interview, he talks. A lot. If you pretend like your listening long enough, you can get hired. In fact, I wasn't even first choice for my job. The other guy they hired did it and found out how much money they paid and quit. So they called me.
In fact, the only other job interview I have actually aced is was when I was with my ex and I had all this super false esteem going. So I was smiley and happy. Pretty much hired me on the spot. I think I was hopped on on diet pills then too.
The pressing question: Why do I suck on job interviews? I honestly don't know, but this are my own personal theories.
1. I look desperate.
Whenever I am applying for a job, I'm so happy to get the interview that I delude myself into thinking I've gotten hired already. So when I walk in, my whole attitude screams, "Why are we going through this question nonsense, when do I start". Embarrassingly, I actually said that in an interview once. Then I get bitter. Then the nasty attitude comes in.
2. I have a nasty attitude
Anybody who knows me for real, knows that it really takes a lot for me to get excited about anything. I don't consider myself an unhappy person, just extremely cynical. I've gotten so bitter over the years, that I really don't know any other way to be. Employers don't like that.
3. I don't want the job that I'm interviewing for
I never want any of the jobs that I interview for, because when employers start asking me those dumb unecessary questions the whole time I'm thinking, "Why am I here ? I want to be an actress. Real people work is beneath me." All condescending and crap. Which slowly, but effectively creeps into my answers to the interview questions.
Sometimes I think that when these people are interviewing me they're probably thinking I going to just say fuck it and start rolling a cigarette in front of them. I hope that paints a clearer picture for you.
Any help whatsoever would be unbelievably appreciated. Because if not, I'm taking a sudafed before I walk into that piece I swear.
6 comments:
Honesty is the first step, but you need Jesus.
I too hate interviews with all that is in me but Im good with them. I fake professionalism pretty good. Its the actual job performance thing and punctuality thing that gets me. But Im near a 1:1 ratio in interviews and job offers.
Thanks for the great advice Melony and Juli, but easier said than done.
I've tried being funny, being overly professional, being underly professional, just can't do it.
Seriously, I'm this close to sleeping with someone that I don't want to so I can get a new job.
I also need to lie.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm sorry I couldn't help it because you've so accurately described youself and it's hilarious.
I keep telling you that you stress out about interviews waaaaaaay to much. You visualize all the bad things that will happen and then they do. Start thinking postive about yourself and what you have to offer to any company that would be lucky to hire you and proceed from there. It starts from self confidence. Then move on to lying :)
I've heard in the past that the main mistake people make is talking about how good the job will be for them. It's supposed to be the other way around.
Re: diet pills...wasn't that the timeframe that you were giving me lip for being on them myself?
Good luck!
yep. and that's exactly why i gave you lip about it.
That's funny. But I understand. You know, I haven't had any desire to take any since then...they made me all cracked out. Pass, please.
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