I'm getting over being sick as a dog for about the last 10 days. Every time I get that sick, after its over I feel like I'm beginning to recover from an ass beating, so I apologize in advance for the extreme bitterness of this post.
This is an short essay entitled "Why Tyra Banks is a cunt.", Students feel free to plagerize this at your own leisure.
Tyra Banks is a cunt. Tyra Banks is indeed a super cunt. There are many fake, mean, superficial people in Hollywood, or in the world for that matter. But there's something a just a little extra special about Tyra Banks.
What sparked interest for my little rant, is that I've been home sick for the last few days, and I got to catch a little talk show called "The Tyra Banks Show." We'll just take one particular episode that I saw that entailed Tyra trying to rehabilitate a porn star who works under the name "Tyra Bankxxx". This girl was about 20, it was obvious that the only reason that she was there was because she was going to get some national exposure. Tyra felt that it was her duty to take this one particular girl who carried her name, and get her off the pole. Tyra asked her about 3 times within a 30 minute interview, why me? why my name? and Ms. Bankxxx proceeded to wax poetic about how she admired her and how beautiful she was, and how people always told her how much she looked like the real Tyra, to which Tyra turned up her nose. Tyra proceeded to make a big announcement that she was going to help get her life together by giving her a scholarship to.....cosmetology school.
I don't know about you, but if I'm making $1500 a day doing what I do, I'm not trying to stop it so that I can cut some hair. Tyra was so proud when she announced this, and Ms. Bankxxx on camera gave a face like she didn't give a shit. Needless to say, I saw and update with her and she's still on the pole. Tyra has continued to have such intriguing and enlightening guests such as Superhead, and every single contestant to ever audition for America's Next Top Model.
I know what your thinking, stop hating on Tyra, she's doing her thing. Fine. But when your godmother calls you when your feeling low, and she gives you such uplifting advice such as, "Why don't you write Tyra a letter, she helps a lot of young people, she'll do the same for you." Tyra falls in that short category of people who I named "People who think we're stupid." That list includes perennial members Michael Jackson and R.Kelly, and its a hard list to get on.
Tyra first and foremost people, is a model, she didn't go to college, she didn't solve world hunger, she is not a humanitarian. She is a model. She is one of those dumb people who's become successful because of timing and luck, so she has the idea implanted in her mind that she made it because she's smart. She's not. Also, don't believe that modeling is that happy go lucky reality show that is portrayed on ANTM. Its not. I went to college with a whole bunch of "models" and they were all no personality/evil bitches. This woman is such a mean spirited bitch that she brought Naomi Campbell on her show and tried to embarasss her national television. Why? Because Naomi pretty much ran her out of fashion modeling because Naomi had more pull, so Tyra had to slum into Sports Illustrated and Victoria's Secret. She did not choose her career path, she was replaced. Naomi as much as a bitch that she is, took it like a champ.
Also, I must comment. The implant show, where she had a doctor give her an ultrasound to prove her breasts were real? We'll when you have implants for a little while enough fat grows over them where you don't see them in ultrasound. Hence, the whole show was a lie.
This concludes my essay on "Why Tyra Banks is a Cunt".
UPDATE: For those of you who think that she wasn't lying about her boobs. Here's a
closeup of the implant scar.
21 comments:
I don't hate on Tyra because I know a lot about her besides what I hear and I don't watch her show or AMNTM or whatever the acronym is but this is a hilarious essay.
Yes, I think Tyra is the correct definition of the word cunt. In fact, I can't think of a more appropriate word to describe her. Her ego KILLS me. KILLS me.
All said, this was absolutely hilarious. I really enjoyed this.
What I hate the most about Tyra is she clearly sits at home studying Oprah so she can imitate her every move right down to the stupid faux happy and sad faces she makes.
Everything has to be about that biatch. She is a complete egomanaic and the sight of her face makes me want to put my foot through my TV.
Tyra is a hypocrite above all else. The woman had Superhead aka Karrine Steffans on her show and was trying to treat her like crap for hoeing around and implying that she was a lier. On the same episode she some rapper and Dennis Rodman talking about how many hoes they had been with and encouraged people to buy Rodmans latest crappy book.
Sexism is a bitch, especially coming from other women.
Wow vag that was one of your more hate filled post in quite some time. I knew you had it in you. I see no one is outside the boundary of your wrath path. I saw that episode of the T. Banks show and the vibe i got was a bit different. I felt that Tyra could empathize with the young woman and was simply trying to give her an alternative to stripping and doing porno's. Of course the money wouldnt be the same but how much is your dignity worth? I thought it showed a bit of compassion.
And if you were the top black model on the face of the planet I have a sneaky suspicion that your ego would be slightly out of check too. I could be wrong though. I like Tyra and I like her show. Its a bit mindless at times but what would you expect from a model. We should congratulate her on her success. There arent many black women running things like Tyra. I hoped that Ananda Lewis' show would survived but It tanked pretty early. Funny post. Hate filled but funny.
I feel like I've found a support group for Tyra hate here. I too hate Tyra. It's funny because Isaw that show with the porn star you were talking about. I've hated Tyra for a long time because she has no talent and she gets to be in movies anyway. But I've recently grown much deeper in my hatred of her because of Antm and the Tyra Banks show. She's so self-righteous it's like she thinks she's the new Oprah or something. I'm like "Bitch, you don't relate to the common woman at all." It really gets to me how all these young impressionable girls are kissing her ass while she talks about what it takes to be a top model. Whatever, try operating heavy machinery, or teaching 4th grade. These arethings that require skill and perseverance. Fuck models and everything they stand for.
Seriously if Tyra wasn't such a hypocritical bitch and let what she's accomplished stand for itself maybe people wouldn't hate her so much. She had a successful modeling career, she's launched a successful production company which produced a hit show, and she's somehow managed to create a fairly successful talk show. Those things are impressive. They're made less so when she makes sure to tell everyone ALLLLLL the things she's done and what's she's accomplished and how great she is,and how what she says is right because her mama told her blah blah blah. Shut the fuck up Tyra and let someone else sing your praises for once.
I'm glad to see I'm not alone, modern temptress, you've been holding out on me I knew Tyra wasn't your favorite, but you hate her just as much as I do.
Marquis, your obviously blinded by Tyra's huge fake breasts. The only reason she even had that girl on her show b/c she shared her name. just self-promotion. That's what its all about.
Smartblkwoman, yes Tyra is a hypocrite. Don't portray yourself as a role model if you can't practice what you preach.
Gian, you're right. Its the self-righteousness that gets me more than anything.
To everyone else:
I'll tell you one vice of Tyra's, Tyra is a hoe. A straight-up skank ass hoe, she'll never talk about her "promiscuous" past as a topic on her show now will she.
Hi, my name is Panama Jackson and I like Tyra Banks. She gives hope to lots of unsmart women everywhere, that you too can become somebody. She's a black blonde...and that makes me proud.
Plus she's hot. It's the same reason I like Amerie.
Um...I guess that's it. LOL.
Tyra's breasts are SOOO not fake. Did you see her take her bra off? That's some natural sag right there. If they are fake, she needs to get her money back...
Karl Langerfeld, certainly one of the fashion industry's bigwigs. slammed ANTM as exceptionally mean and for having little to do with actual fashion.
And one other thing...how the fuck can anyone take that J Alexander dude seriously?
Did I say dude?...meant that sarcastically.
He makes Richard Simmons look like like Tom Sellick.
This piss fairy sits there criticizing the shit out of some poor girl and he's dressed like Big Bird modeling lingerie.
Yeah, that's credibility for ya.
your English is horrible... try spell check
Let´s all look up to Tyra Banks for all the money and success she has accomplished for being a cunt. It´s sad that there are so many of us who just don´t have that much of a cunt in us to be that successfull.
Why does this mean/dumbass model speaks like as though she is Jesus? P
If only Oprah could drag Tyra on her show and shuts her face up.
Thank you for this post, I thought I was the only one.
Uh, I don't like Tyra either.
However it isn't bad to get implants, although I could never do it cause it looks painful.
Also, she did go to college.
I don't think you have to worry about anyone "plagerizing" your stuff until you at least learn to spell *plagiarize" and know the difference between "your" and "you're". Let me guess: American?
The only person who's pathological narcissism is more profound than "Kimye's" is Tyra Banks. Her megalomania is of colossal proportions. What a vile woman.
Hey Anonymous @ 10:38 am? The one correcting folks. Yea you! Why the use of an asterisk and a quotation mark around the word "plagiarize?" Let me guess? Hypocrite?
tyra is good lookin but her personality n the personality she shows really urks the hell out of me as a human n turns me completely off as a man.
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