Okay, I'm going to be as objective as I can. Putting all the negativity aside, and giving an honest and objective review.
Yes, it was good. It was very good. Very well done. I'll say that first.
No, Beyonce didn't suck. The first half of the movie anyway, she didn't suck. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't really get a fair read on her performance because she didn't really do anything. Also, the critics have neglected to say that Jennifer Hudson's part is twice the size of hers. She literally just had more to do. So if you're paying to see anybody, you're paying to see Jennifer.
Beyonce is fine as younger Deena, I guess, but by the time she morphs into older Deena, she's no personality havin' Beyonce again. There's even one supposedly serious scene where she curses and the audience in the movie theatre with me busted out laughing.
There are a lot of parts in this movie that I guess the marketing people decided to keep under wraps. The people who have the most screen time is Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Hudson, who were both good. Jamie is also the one who had the hard task of having the most dialogue among a cast of characters breaking out spontaneously into song, and somehow it still worked. Believe me, I hate Jamie Foxx, but I will say he did very well. Annika Noni Rose, who plays Lorell, the Dreamgirl who people forget is in the movie, had a much bigger part than advertised. And, trust me vocally, she is the one who was physically holding back, not Beyonce. (She loves to throw that in people's faces doesn't she?)
Eddie Murphy was fine, to me it seemed like he was playing himself somewhat, but he was still funny.
Danny Glover has a sizable part in this movie, too. And that's all I have to say about him.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sweet vs. Bitch
BITTER BLOG ALERT!! WARNING DON'T WRITE ENTRIES WHEN YOUR MAD
What do you think that means? My definition is drastically different that it was years ago.
Before, one of the worst things that I could be called is a bitch. It really used to "bother me if someone even thought that I was a bitch. Why? Because, truth be told I am a lot of things, but I am not a bitch. I have always gone out of my way to be nice to people. In fact, most of my confidence came from the fact that I was one of those people everyone liked. If someone didn't like me, whether I did something to them or not, I would try to find a way to resolve it so that they would like me again. All of this trouble, and if someone rolled their eyes at me like "that bitch". My first thought would be "oh my god, I pissed her off. I have to fix it!!!". Pathetic, I know.
I accept my altruism as a part of me now. I don't shun it anymore. I don't clench my teeth everytime someone says I'm too nice. I've learned to make friends with it, and as a result, am gradually learning to control it.
I still think I'm nice, I don't think I'm "sweet" anymore. And that's okay. It's the "sweet" people who are the meanest mother fuckers you'll ever meet. The sweeties have to overcompensate for the evil that lies beneath, myself included in this category.
I don't go out of my way to speak to people anymore, I don't speak to people I don't want to speak to, and I am really sure of who I trust as well as who my real friends are.
"Sweet" is overrated. People who I have befriended and ex-friended have all been "sweet", but that's it. I never liked any other attribute of their personality than the fact that they're "sweet". This list includes "boyfriends". I've spent majority of my life giving people my time and energy that they didn't deserve. Also, from my experience, I find that a lot of "sweet" people are extremely self-involved. If you really listen to them talk, they only talk about themselves and the conversation revolves around how much them and what the world owes them, and that's not sweet.
Sadly, I can also identify with people, who society labels as bitches. Because, they don't lay it on thick with this sugary sweet exterior, because they don't take shit from people especially men, because they don't give a shit as to what anyone thinks, they are labeled as bitches. I used to think my sister was a bitch, for 20+ years in fact, she's not. She just does not care what anyone thinks, she doesn't settle for less than greatness, and the people who really know her she's great to. I get it now.
Jennifer Lopez doesn't count in this category by the way. Now she is a bitch
What do you think that means? My definition is drastically different that it was years ago.
Before, one of the worst things that I could be called is a bitch. It really used to "bother me if someone even thought that I was a bitch. Why? Because, truth be told I am a lot of things, but I am not a bitch. I have always gone out of my way to be nice to people. In fact, most of my confidence came from the fact that I was one of those people everyone liked. If someone didn't like me, whether I did something to them or not, I would try to find a way to resolve it so that they would like me again. All of this trouble, and if someone rolled their eyes at me like "that bitch". My first thought would be "oh my god, I pissed her off. I have to fix it!!!". Pathetic, I know.
I accept my altruism as a part of me now. I don't shun it anymore. I don't clench my teeth everytime someone says I'm too nice. I've learned to make friends with it, and as a result, am gradually learning to control it.
I still think I'm nice, I don't think I'm "sweet" anymore. And that's okay. It's the "sweet" people who are the meanest mother fuckers you'll ever meet. The sweeties have to overcompensate for the evil that lies beneath, myself included in this category.
I don't go out of my way to speak to people anymore, I don't speak to people I don't want to speak to, and I am really sure of who I trust as well as who my real friends are.
"Sweet" is overrated. People who I have befriended and ex-friended have all been "sweet", but that's it. I never liked any other attribute of their personality than the fact that they're "sweet". This list includes "boyfriends". I've spent majority of my life giving people my time and energy that they didn't deserve. Also, from my experience, I find that a lot of "sweet" people are extremely self-involved. If you really listen to them talk, they only talk about themselves and the conversation revolves around how much them and what the world owes them, and that's not sweet.
Sadly, I can also identify with people, who society labels as bitches. Because, they don't lay it on thick with this sugary sweet exterior, because they don't take shit from people especially men, because they don't give a shit as to what anyone thinks, they are labeled as bitches. I used to think my sister was a bitch, for 20+ years in fact, she's not. She just does not care what anyone thinks, she doesn't settle for less than greatness, and the people who really know her she's great to. I get it now.
Jennifer Lopez doesn't count in this category by the way. Now she is a bitch
Friday, December 15, 2006
The Random Blog Tidbits Post ... Again
I'm off from the University for Christmas, and I've been watching a lot of TV. So forigive me for seeming like I don't have a life....because I don't.
1. Does anybody watch Rob and Big on MTV? This is what happens with me, and I think this is what happens with most people who watch that damn show. We turn to it because there is not shit else on TV, and end up watching it and cracking the fuck up. Everytime. It was especially funny last night.
2.The Real World is halfway decent this year. I think it's because they have a black man on there who actually acts like most black men. He actually looks like an typical attractive black man. He's a little ghetto, but not too ghetto. He'll fight a motherfucker in a second, he's bright, a little charismatic, and he's a hoe. I'm not gonna front, I'd hit it. Hard.
3. Dexter on Showtime is hands down the best show on TV. You need that show in your life. For those of you who don't have showtime, you can watch it on the internet like I do. If you want it, drop me a line and I'll e-mail you the link.
4. Beyonce got nominated for a Golden Globe, huh? Well, since I consider myself very much and internet savvy celebrity gossip expert efficinado, I'll drop some knowledge on you. Celebrities pay for that nomination. Sharon Stone paid for hers, as a matter of fact, if you hear of someone being nominated for something and you're like, what the fuck? I'd say about 8 times out of 10, that they kissed major ass, sucked somebody's dick, or straight up paid somebody for that nomination. Case and point? Beyonce getting to sing 3 songs at the Oscars last year. 2 of them in foreign languages? All because she's so unbelieveably talented? Yeah, sure....
1. Does anybody watch Rob and Big on MTV? This is what happens with me, and I think this is what happens with most people who watch that damn show. We turn to it because there is not shit else on TV, and end up watching it and cracking the fuck up. Everytime. It was especially funny last night.
2.The Real World is halfway decent this year. I think it's because they have a black man on there who actually acts like most black men. He actually looks like an typical attractive black man. He's a little ghetto, but not too ghetto. He'll fight a motherfucker in a second, he's bright, a little charismatic, and he's a hoe. I'm not gonna front, I'd hit it. Hard.
3. Dexter on Showtime is hands down the best show on TV. You need that show in your life. For those of you who don't have showtime, you can watch it on the internet like I do. If you want it, drop me a line and I'll e-mail you the link.
4. Beyonce got nominated for a Golden Globe, huh? Well, since I consider myself very much and internet savvy celebrity gossip expert efficinado, I'll drop some knowledge on you. Celebrities pay for that nomination. Sharon Stone paid for hers, as a matter of fact, if you hear of someone being nominated for something and you're like, what the fuck? I'd say about 8 times out of 10, that they kissed major ass, sucked somebody's dick, or straight up paid somebody for that nomination. Case and point? Beyonce getting to sing 3 songs at the Oscars last year. 2 of them in foreign languages? All because she's so unbelieveably talented? Yeah, sure....
Sunday, December 10, 2006
The Hoe Gene
If I have to explain what this is then you dont't have one.
First, let's classify what exactly my defintion of a hoe is. My defintion of a hoe is a person who loves sex to the extent of being able to have it with a person or persons without any emotional attachment. Said hoe, is also willing to participate in questionable sexual actions with person or person(s) without remorse. A hoe may use this task for either personal gain or a continuous chase of an unattainable euphoric high.
And yes, I have one
I, as well as many others, namely women, have to keep the hoe gene under wraps, because if we don't then we will be considered...well...hoes. Of course, this does not apply to men because it is acceptable in society for them to be hoes. If women does not fight her hoe gene, then any man she gets involved with will see how easy it is for them to get sex, and how willing they are to experiment sexually. Thus the man treating her like a fuck buddy, always resulting in not being respected.
We with the hoe gene walk around with a mask. Whenever we come across a man that we find worthy of pursuing a relationship with, we must never ever let on our true persona. The hoe gene is only unmasked when we are with a specific male that we will never have any romantic feelings for, or some random person who caught us on a super drunk night at the club whose name we don't have to remember.
Typical symptoms of having a hoe gene (for females)include:
-watching way too much porn, I mean way too much porn even for a guy
-if you meet someone whose nice that you're just not attracted to that you don't plan on seeing again and you contmeplate getting sex out of it anyway
-if going 2 weeks without sex is an eternity for you, but you don't have a boyfriend.
-your fuck buddy sessions are not a treat that comes out of nowhere, but a part of your weekly routine.
-fat dudes sometimes become sexy to you.
If at least two of these five items apply to you. You have issues that need to be controlled.
I admit it, what inspired this post was that I had a re-lapse recently. The non-high school graduate dude who I spoke of in an earlier post, called me yesterday morning. Don't even like him in the least bit, but it took everything in my power not to go over his house yesterday. That's some strength for your ass.
First, let's classify what exactly my defintion of a hoe is. My defintion of a hoe is a person who loves sex to the extent of being able to have it with a person or persons without any emotional attachment. Said hoe, is also willing to participate in questionable sexual actions with person or person(s) without remorse. A hoe may use this task for either personal gain or a continuous chase of an unattainable euphoric high.
And yes, I have one
I, as well as many others, namely women, have to keep the hoe gene under wraps, because if we don't then we will be considered...well...hoes. Of course, this does not apply to men because it is acceptable in society for them to be hoes. If women does not fight her hoe gene, then any man she gets involved with will see how easy it is for them to get sex, and how willing they are to experiment sexually. Thus the man treating her like a fuck buddy, always resulting in not being respected.
We with the hoe gene walk around with a mask. Whenever we come across a man that we find worthy of pursuing a relationship with, we must never ever let on our true persona. The hoe gene is only unmasked when we are with a specific male that we will never have any romantic feelings for, or some random person who caught us on a super drunk night at the club whose name we don't have to remember.
Typical symptoms of having a hoe gene (for females)include:
-watching way too much porn, I mean way too much porn even for a guy
-if you meet someone whose nice that you're just not attracted to that you don't plan on seeing again and you contmeplate getting sex out of it anyway
-if going 2 weeks without sex is an eternity for you, but you don't have a boyfriend.
-your fuck buddy sessions are not a treat that comes out of nowhere, but a part of your weekly routine.
-fat dudes sometimes become sexy to you.
If at least two of these five items apply to you. You have issues that need to be controlled.
I admit it, what inspired this post was that I had a re-lapse recently. The non-high school graduate dude who I spoke of in an earlier post, called me yesterday morning. Don't even like him in the least bit, but it took everything in my power not to go over his house yesterday. That's some strength for your ass.
Monday, December 04, 2006
I'm sick of hearing about Kramer
So Kramer cussed out some black people in a club, and they're about to get paid.
This is what its come to when it comes to black people getting some positive press.
People have the gall in this day in age to make racist statements when the face of their youth are
"Starlets" who flash their vagina, obviously junkies, and display rude and disrespectful behavior on camera (literally) on a daily basis? With no signs of remorse.
David Banner received a humanitarian award for his efforts in hurricane katrina, and he is extremely charismatic speaker.
click here
This is what its come to when it comes to black people getting some positive press.
People have the gall in this day in age to make racist statements when the face of their youth are
"Starlets" who flash their vagina, obviously junkies, and display rude and disrespectful behavior on camera (literally) on a daily basis? With no signs of remorse.
David Banner received a humanitarian award for his efforts in hurricane katrina, and he is extremely charismatic speaker.
click here
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Why I Hate Going Out
I came to this epiphany last time I was in LA.
I hate going out....and pasta. But we'll concentrate on the topic at hand.
My cousin and I go out whenever I'm in LA, and I'm always so excited because I actually get to go to a real club instead of the non-existent ones around here. I figured because since its a bigger city, its a broader scope of men to dance with, better music, a stricter dress code, blah blah. So needless to say, I was looking forward to having a good time.
I have narrowed down my club experience down to science and each one is practically the same. First, going straight to the bar trying to generate a strong quick buzz that will carry you the rest of the night. Second, waiting for a good song to come on, then waiting, and waiting. Third, people watching while commenting on the jostling of your surroundings (a.k.a talking about girls who are too big to have on the outfits they're wearing).
And lastly, we have the actual dancing, which consists of finding a spot on the floor to get your groove on.
Hence, while partaking of the getting on of the grooving I encounter the part that I hate the absolute most about going out.
The fighting off of the sweaty men
There's nothing I hate worse then the smell of man who has been dancing hard as hell all night long, in a crowded hot club, who then spots you and decides that you are the one that he was been waiting all night to see. Therefore, he feels to need to entice you to have sex with him by rubbing his sweat drenched, musty, deodorant running, cheap cologne wearing body directly on top of yours. In motion. Ewww...dry heave.
And...here's the rub. They don't leave.
You try to politely dance away, they dance the same way. You try to turn your head, they turn it back. You try to hold your hand over your nose, they pull it down and put it on their neck. You pass out face first on the floor from the inhalation of toxic fumes, they dry hump your lifeless body on the floor. So on and so forth.
Also, when you manage to wrestle free from sweatbox and actually see someone cute that you want to dance with. One of these three instances occur:
They don't dance, nor they don't want to
Cuties don't really dance that much. If they do, they do their "I'm so cute I don't need to dance" two-step about 3 feet away from you. I also believe by the time the sweatbox is pried away from your ass with the jaws of life, every single girl in the club has tried to get in their pants, he's already chosen, and he's retired for the evening.
They're with their girl
I hate this shit. Why the fuck would you bring your girl to the club, why? What romantic memory are you trying to recapture by going to the club? The club is congested as hell so there's a big chance your going to see someone that you used to fuck. Also, desperate losers like me do not want to see you making out with your girl. I'm bitter enough being there in the first place.
Something is wrong with them
This category includes plenty. The most popular being gold teeth and speech impediments. The most common being upon first meeting uttering these words, "something ain't right about this motherfucker." If you have any more, feel free to tell me. I'm actually researching for future posts.
Yeah, and about that pasta thing. Its just slimy and gross and unfulfilling, and I'm going to stop forcing myself to eat it. That is all.
I hate going out....and pasta. But we'll concentrate on the topic at hand.
My cousin and I go out whenever I'm in LA, and I'm always so excited because I actually get to go to a real club instead of the non-existent ones around here. I figured because since its a bigger city, its a broader scope of men to dance with, better music, a stricter dress code, blah blah. So needless to say, I was looking forward to having a good time.
I have narrowed down my club experience down to science and each one is practically the same. First, going straight to the bar trying to generate a strong quick buzz that will carry you the rest of the night. Second, waiting for a good song to come on, then waiting, and waiting. Third, people watching while commenting on the jostling of your surroundings (a.k.a talking about girls who are too big to have on the outfits they're wearing).
And lastly, we have the actual dancing, which consists of finding a spot on the floor to get your groove on.
Hence, while partaking of the getting on of the grooving I encounter the part that I hate the absolute most about going out.
The fighting off of the sweaty men
There's nothing I hate worse then the smell of man who has been dancing hard as hell all night long, in a crowded hot club, who then spots you and decides that you are the one that he was been waiting all night to see. Therefore, he feels to need to entice you to have sex with him by rubbing his sweat drenched, musty, deodorant running, cheap cologne wearing body directly on top of yours. In motion. Ewww...dry heave.
And...here's the rub. They don't leave.
You try to politely dance away, they dance the same way. You try to turn your head, they turn it back. You try to hold your hand over your nose, they pull it down and put it on their neck. You pass out face first on the floor from the inhalation of toxic fumes, they dry hump your lifeless body on the floor. So on and so forth.
Also, when you manage to wrestle free from sweatbox and actually see someone cute that you want to dance with. One of these three instances occur:
They don't dance, nor they don't want to
Cuties don't really dance that much. If they do, they do their "I'm so cute I don't need to dance" two-step about 3 feet away from you. I also believe by the time the sweatbox is pried away from your ass with the jaws of life, every single girl in the club has tried to get in their pants, he's already chosen, and he's retired for the evening.
They're with their girl
I hate this shit. Why the fuck would you bring your girl to the club, why? What romantic memory are you trying to recapture by going to the club? The club is congested as hell so there's a big chance your going to see someone that you used to fuck. Also, desperate losers like me do not want to see you making out with your girl. I'm bitter enough being there in the first place.
Something is wrong with them
This category includes plenty. The most popular being gold teeth and speech impediments. The most common being upon first meeting uttering these words, "something ain't right about this motherfucker." If you have any more, feel free to tell me. I'm actually researching for future posts.
Yeah, and about that pasta thing. Its just slimy and gross and unfulfilling, and I'm going to stop forcing myself to eat it. That is all.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The Los Angeles Project
I am PMSing right now. Something awful. Plus my dumb ass decided to get hot chocolate this morning instead of coffee, big mistake. Therefore, the bitterness that is usually present in this post will be turned up a notch. You have been warned.
I had a panic attack last night. Most of the time I have them in my sleep, to the point where they wake me up out of sleep. And I can't go back to sleep. It's not a pleasant experience.
Why did I have a panic attack you ask? Because I am the spawn of some of the most meticulous, anal retentive, semi-negative, uncomfortably direct to the point people on earth. If you have hopes and dreams? Forget about it. They won't shoot down your hopes and dreams, but they will list every single possible reason known to man as to why your reasoning is completely unrealistic.
Make sense? If not, Here's a little taste of what my life has been like.
I am not good at standardized tests, mostly because I think they're retarded. If I take one, my score is going to be average to slightly above average. So imagine what happened when I took the ACT junior year of high school. No studying, was late, only took it because I had to, plus my attention span isn't the greatest. Got a 21. Happy. Good enough to get me into a decent school. Stress relieved.
My parents got wind of the score. Even though I got into college, and had a decent GPA, I absolutely have to take it over. The main reasoning? Because my sister got a 22.
Believe me, this wasn't a mild suggestion, I mean they made me take it over. Who gives a shit that I was satisfied and my future was secured. They'll be damned if they have two children walking around with two different ACT scores. Parents like them are unfit.
Fast forward to age 27, I'm talking to my sister and telling her my plans. Understandably, she has concerns, so a natural question would be, "What if this doesn't work out, what will you do then?". Honestly, live homeless on the streets of LA and not tell my parents. But of course I didn't say that.
But she could have just left it there, but no it went to this. "Well you know, you probably need to have a backup city, and start thinking about going there." Keep in mind, my sister knows I want to be an actress, so there really is no other city. Where the hell does she want me to go, Vancouver?
My point is, she had a valid point, but perhaps she should save it for when I'm not so hopeful.
My replacement starts in January, I have move dates, I'm screwed if I have to come back. Hence, my panic attack last night.
Its a little to early to start putting in resumes (I'm leaving in February), so no job prospects have come to fruition, and money is going to be tighter than expected due to my car fucking up every five minutes, and all I have to depend on is me.
(This will be continued by the way, not continuously but intermittently, pray for me)
I had a panic attack last night. Most of the time I have them in my sleep, to the point where they wake me up out of sleep. And I can't go back to sleep. It's not a pleasant experience.
Why did I have a panic attack you ask? Because I am the spawn of some of the most meticulous, anal retentive, semi-negative, uncomfortably direct to the point people on earth. If you have hopes and dreams? Forget about it. They won't shoot down your hopes and dreams, but they will list every single possible reason known to man as to why your reasoning is completely unrealistic.
Make sense? If not, Here's a little taste of what my life has been like.
I am not good at standardized tests, mostly because I think they're retarded. If I take one, my score is going to be average to slightly above average. So imagine what happened when I took the ACT junior year of high school. No studying, was late, only took it because I had to, plus my attention span isn't the greatest. Got a 21. Happy. Good enough to get me into a decent school. Stress relieved.
My parents got wind of the score. Even though I got into college, and had a decent GPA, I absolutely have to take it over. The main reasoning? Because my sister got a 22.
Believe me, this wasn't a mild suggestion, I mean they made me take it over. Who gives a shit that I was satisfied and my future was secured. They'll be damned if they have two children walking around with two different ACT scores. Parents like them are unfit.
Fast forward to age 27, I'm talking to my sister and telling her my plans. Understandably, she has concerns, so a natural question would be, "What if this doesn't work out, what will you do then?". Honestly, live homeless on the streets of LA and not tell my parents. But of course I didn't say that.
But she could have just left it there, but no it went to this. "Well you know, you probably need to have a backup city, and start thinking about going there." Keep in mind, my sister knows I want to be an actress, so there really is no other city. Where the hell does she want me to go, Vancouver?
My point is, she had a valid point, but perhaps she should save it for when I'm not so hopeful.
My replacement starts in January, I have move dates, I'm screwed if I have to come back. Hence, my panic attack last night.
Its a little to early to start putting in resumes (I'm leaving in February), so no job prospects have come to fruition, and money is going to be tighter than expected due to my car fucking up every five minutes, and all I have to depend on is me.
(This will be continued by the way, not continuously but intermittently, pray for me)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The 5K Run
So I ran my first 5K this past weekend. It was interesting. Its one of those things that I said I've always wanted to do, but just never really cared enough to do the work. So, in light of my self-improvement kick that I've been on the last couple of months. I decided to do it. I decided to dedicate this post those of you who always kinda wanted to do something, anything, no matter how stupid or unattainable it may be. This is how I got off my ass.
First, things first, I am the most lackadaisical mother fucker you will ever meet. I don't give a flying shit about a lot of things. It came from traumatic childhood experiences that went something like this:
Me: Daddy, can I take gymnastics?
Daddy: No, go to school
Me: Daddy, can I take piano?
Daddy: No, go to school.
Me: Daddy, can I take swimming lessons?
Daddy: No, you need to get your math grade up, you got a B. Your taking college level math classes this summer.
Me: I hate my life!
Daddy: I don't care...
You get the idea.
So I had been "exercising" on and off since this summer. When I say "exercising", I mean getting my walk on 3 times a week. It got cold outside, I had to start going to the gym after work. I was on the treadmill bored out of my mind, looking around at all of the white girls sprinting on the treadmill next to me, and I said, "I'm old. Walking ain't getting it anymore". So I looked on the internet for going from couch potato to running, and it said that I could be running a decent amount in a month. I figured what the hell. I also have an ipod, that helps tremendously.
It went from that to, running with a girl who's in the army who drags me to the gym every night, to I wonder if I can run 3 miles, to doing some research on the internet on local 5K's in the area. Here are some bullet points if you ever decide to do this:
* People who run are insane. They have all the expensive gear, they wear coochie shorts in 5 degree weather. They have this look in their eyes , like "I'm going to eat you".
*The 5K's are usually nothing for them. This is just a warm-up for the 2-day marathon that's coming up for next week. Just trying to get those legs loosened up.
*5K run means run, not jog. The winning time was 15 minutes. That's like 4 minutes a mile. I'm not going to say my time, but it was much, much faster than mine.
*This is an event where low standards are necessary. If you try to compete, you will fallout. My goal was to finish, not stop, and not come in last. Three goals that I can happily say I achieved. I tried to get cocky and set a goal time, but that was thrown out around mile 2 when I ran out of breath.
*Honestly, I hate running. But something about it makes you want to keep going. People look at you differently when you tell you run. Next week, I'm going to try and start training for 10K.
So to summarize, if I can run anyone can. For real, any of y'all..You'll be surprised at what you can do if you put your mind to it, blah, blah. Baby steps. And as far my body, in my opinion, it has totally changed and its the only exercise that has truly done that.
If my little inspirational speech doesn't work, maybe this will..
First, things first, I am the most lackadaisical mother fucker you will ever meet. I don't give a flying shit about a lot of things. It came from traumatic childhood experiences that went something like this:
Me: Daddy, can I take gymnastics?
Daddy: No, go to school
Me: Daddy, can I take piano?
Daddy: No, go to school.
Me: Daddy, can I take swimming lessons?
Daddy: No, you need to get your math grade up, you got a B. Your taking college level math classes this summer.
Me: I hate my life!
Daddy: I don't care...
You get the idea.
So I had been "exercising" on and off since this summer. When I say "exercising", I mean getting my walk on 3 times a week. It got cold outside, I had to start going to the gym after work. I was on the treadmill bored out of my mind, looking around at all of the white girls sprinting on the treadmill next to me, and I said, "I'm old. Walking ain't getting it anymore". So I looked on the internet for going from couch potato to running, and it said that I could be running a decent amount in a month. I figured what the hell. I also have an ipod, that helps tremendously.
It went from that to, running with a girl who's in the army who drags me to the gym every night, to I wonder if I can run 3 miles, to doing some research on the internet on local 5K's in the area. Here are some bullet points if you ever decide to do this:
* People who run are insane. They have all the expensive gear, they wear coochie shorts in 5 degree weather. They have this look in their eyes , like "I'm going to eat you".
*The 5K's are usually nothing for them. This is just a warm-up for the 2-day marathon that's coming up for next week. Just trying to get those legs loosened up.
*5K run means run, not jog. The winning time was 15 minutes. That's like 4 minutes a mile. I'm not going to say my time, but it was much, much faster than mine.
*This is an event where low standards are necessary. If you try to compete, you will fallout. My goal was to finish, not stop, and not come in last. Three goals that I can happily say I achieved. I tried to get cocky and set a goal time, but that was thrown out around mile 2 when I ran out of breath.
*Honestly, I hate running. But something about it makes you want to keep going. People look at you differently when you tell you run. Next week, I'm going to try and start training for 10K.
So to summarize, if I can run anyone can. For real, any of y'all..You'll be surprised at what you can do if you put your mind to it, blah, blah. Baby steps. And as far my body, in my opinion, it has totally changed and its the only exercise that has truly done that.
If my little inspirational speech doesn't work, maybe this will..
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Random Blog Tidbits
A. So Mario Lopez didn't win Dancing with the Stars, huh. I don't even watch the show and I know he should have. Emmitt Smith? He seems like a nice guy and all, but dancing wise a world of no. I know why Mario didn't win though, he's good-looking with a great body and he's a good dancer, so therefore his life is perfect enough already.
B. Attention whore's been giving me the evil eye at work, still. I this had to do with convo she had last week with her cousin (the stupid asshole I'm in love with who doesn't love me who I talk about all the time, for those who are first-timers) about me being a "secret genius" and all. This boy should have a name now since I'm obviously still borderline obsessed with him, so he is now christened Loverboy.
C."Loverboy" was in town this week, and for the first time in long time, I didn't feel like a moron around him. Usually my attitude is something like, "oh my god, I'm so in love with you I can't even function as a human being." Now its somewhere along the lines of, "oh, you're more predictable than I thought, I can handle this now" This was a really big breakthrough for me therapy wise.
D. I don't care about Tom and Katie's wedding. Nor about Britney Spears's divorce. Neither does the rest of the world. So join with me in my boycott.
E. I still hate Jennifer Lopez.
F. And Tyra Banks
G. I now hate Halle Berry now that I know she's a fraud. Bitch has had an assload of plastic surgery, and I can't believe I didn't notice it before.
H. Last but not least, I have a seething hatred for this girl, her name is Paula Patton. She is in the new Denzel Washington movie. She's that type of pretty that you can't be friends because she brings out all your flaws when you stand next to her. And, to top it all off she is married, not fucking, not dating, but married to the for real father of my children, Robin Thicke. Here they are in all of their sickening glory:
B. Attention whore's been giving me the evil eye at work, still. I this had to do with convo she had last week with her cousin (the stupid asshole I'm in love with who doesn't love me who I talk about all the time, for those who are first-timers) about me being a "secret genius" and all. This boy should have a name now since I'm obviously still borderline obsessed with him, so he is now christened Loverboy.
C."Loverboy" was in town this week, and for the first time in long time, I didn't feel like a moron around him. Usually my attitude is something like, "oh my god, I'm so in love with you I can't even function as a human being." Now its somewhere along the lines of, "oh, you're more predictable than I thought, I can handle this now" This was a really big breakthrough for me therapy wise.
D. I don't care about Tom and Katie's wedding. Nor about Britney Spears's divorce. Neither does the rest of the world. So join with me in my boycott.
E. I still hate Jennifer Lopez.
F. And Tyra Banks
G. I now hate Halle Berry now that I know she's a fraud. Bitch has had an assload of plastic surgery, and I can't believe I didn't notice it before.
H. Last but not least, I have a seething hatred for this girl, her name is Paula Patton. She is in the new Denzel Washington movie. She's that type of pretty that you can't be friends because she brings out all your flaws when you stand next to her. And, to top it all off she is married, not fucking, not dating, but married to the for real father of my children, Robin Thicke. Here they are in all of their sickening glory:
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The Bi-Yearly Freakout part deux
I am the bionic woman, I am a robot. I can certainly dish it out my fair share of psycho babble bullshit, but now the inside is totally hollow.
I had a heart to heart with my beautician yesterday. I had to impart some of my therapy wisdom on her because she was going through it.
Long story, very, very short. She's a pretty girl, she's also a very nice girl, she's also a very good beautician, as a result she gets a lot of clients. She gets hated on. Very openly, by her co-workers, and others, a lot. I see it. Certain women know what I'm talking about. Women who have little to no female friends. If they do its usually women they have known for a long ass time. Women who have jobs (careers) that make good money, who have ambition to do more. Women who don't have a thousand men calling them on their cell phones, who don't have unecessary drama with the men they are with, and who are perfectly happy in a stable, monogamous relationship. I know who you are, and I feel you.
Once again, it's the shithole that I live in. A lot of women, not all of them, both black and white, have nothing for real going on. Their livelihood is the men that they're with or the men they're trying to get. If they have no men, it's all about being with "family", if it's not the "family", its got something to do with getting more involved in the "church." (Ugh, more about religious hyprocrites later, that's a book).
Also, because its mini-shithole, everybody knows everybody. My male friend's cousin works at my job. She's the attention whole I has previously spoken about. They ran into each other yesterday. Apparently, the consenus around the office (by the females) is that I'm weird.
This didn't piss me off, promise. I just found it really fascinating.
Continuing on with subtext of the conversation, I was told that I don't really say very much. No one really knows that much about my personal business, apparently I'm really good at my job but I keep it a secret, and of course, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Because God knows, if you don't have a man you're a freak of nature.
Keep in mind all the women at my job are "married". By "married", I mean they are legally or common-law bound to trifling men. I have met all of the betrothed several times, except for attention-whore's, and just going by their personalities alone, if was set up on a blind date with any of them, I would have taken a very long trip to the bathroom.
I thought you weren't supposed to tell any of your personal business? I thought you weren't supposed to brag about how smart you are? I also thought you weren't supposed to be with anyone unless you wanted to be? Maybe I'm crazy, I guess this just means I'm not.
Getting back to my beautician, I basically told her that I have had several experiences with women in Tuscaloosa, 9+ years (adding the story about the ghetto fighting work bitch who I had to throw out my car after making a very strong pass at me), and basically they are crazy. Adding, that my own mother hates on me and my sister. It doesn't mean anything except that you're doing something right.
I had a heart to heart with my beautician yesterday. I had to impart some of my therapy wisdom on her because she was going through it.
Long story, very, very short. She's a pretty girl, she's also a very nice girl, she's also a very good beautician, as a result she gets a lot of clients. She gets hated on. Very openly, by her co-workers, and others, a lot. I see it. Certain women know what I'm talking about. Women who have little to no female friends. If they do its usually women they have known for a long ass time. Women who have jobs (careers) that make good money, who have ambition to do more. Women who don't have a thousand men calling them on their cell phones, who don't have unecessary drama with the men they are with, and who are perfectly happy in a stable, monogamous relationship. I know who you are, and I feel you.
Once again, it's the shithole that I live in. A lot of women, not all of them, both black and white, have nothing for real going on. Their livelihood is the men that they're with or the men they're trying to get. If they have no men, it's all about being with "family", if it's not the "family", its got something to do with getting more involved in the "church." (Ugh, more about religious hyprocrites later, that's a book).
Also, because its mini-shithole, everybody knows everybody. My male friend's cousin works at my job. She's the attention whole I has previously spoken about. They ran into each other yesterday. Apparently, the consenus around the office (by the females) is that I'm weird.
This didn't piss me off, promise. I just found it really fascinating.
Continuing on with subtext of the conversation, I was told that I don't really say very much. No one really knows that much about my personal business, apparently I'm really good at my job but I keep it a secret, and of course, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Because God knows, if you don't have a man you're a freak of nature.
Keep in mind all the women at my job are "married". By "married", I mean they are legally or common-law bound to trifling men. I have met all of the betrothed several times, except for attention-whore's, and just going by their personalities alone, if was set up on a blind date with any of them, I would have taken a very long trip to the bathroom.
I thought you weren't supposed to tell any of your personal business? I thought you weren't supposed to brag about how smart you are? I also thought you weren't supposed to be with anyone unless you wanted to be? Maybe I'm crazy, I guess this just means I'm not.
Getting back to my beautician, I basically told her that I have had several experiences with women in Tuscaloosa, 9+ years (adding the story about the ghetto fighting work bitch who I had to throw out my car after making a very strong pass at me), and basically they are crazy. Adding, that my own mother hates on me and my sister. It doesn't mean anything except that you're doing something right.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The Bi-Yearly Freakout
Editor's note: I go through this initial freakout maybe about twice a year, and I have probably written this word for word in some form or another, whether it's been spread out through several entries, or one big rant. So, feel free to skip if you've heard it before, or you're just sick of hearing it period.
I cannot believe, I still do not have a fucking boyfriend
I broke up with my ex, my actual fiance ex going on 4.5 years now, and for sure thought by the time I was almost 30 I would at the very least almost be engaged. Or in a long-term relationship. Nope. Nothing. Not even close. There have been (gasp) several dalliances in and out, no pun intended. But nothing even remotely close to stable, nothing, in 4 and a half years.
One of my friends who lives in Tennessee recently got engaged. She deserved to be engaged, she's a really great girl. She got enagaged to a man who supports her, who understands her, and most of all, loves her for who she is.
She's younger than me by about 2 years, and she's one of the more mature people that I know. I am genuinely happy for her, but my inner bitch says, why can't that happen to me?
I know have been carrying on about how I've been working on myself, loving myself, and blah, blah, blah whatever...but one the issues that I have spoken about in my therapy sessions is how every positive thing that I do for myself is in some way or another subconsciously doing it to get a boyfriend. For example, "Ooh, I like football, men like football, men have to like women who like football. Ooh, I run. Some men run, men like women who run." So on and so forth. I've gotten a lot better about it lately. But like I said earlier. The bi-yearly freakout is inevitable.
Yes, I know its where I am. That situation will change soon. But I honestly don't think that this is going away when I move. At the college I went to, out of 23,000 students, there were 900 black people. 500 of them were women. You would think at one point in time or another, at the very least one of the trifling men would trickle down to me...nope. I didn't even have sex until the middle of junior year.
Recently, the first male I had been seeing since my "metamorphisis", didn't have a job (but he was laid off), lived with his mama (I live with my mama, so I can't get mad), and I (begrudgingly admit) did not have a high school diploma. Let me see, what were the good things, again....oh. He was a gentleman, big time. He actually wanted to date me, and I believed he just generally liked being around me. It wasn't until then I at that moment that I thought, that every single solitary male that I have ever dealt with ever, was an asshole.
How did we "break up"? It was my fault honestly. I didn't want to have sex him. I said I would eventually, but I lied, I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure he caught on to that, and moved on accordingly. Its cool. And that's the way it should be.
Yeah, there's going to be a part 2 to this one.
I cannot believe, I still do not have a fucking boyfriend
I broke up with my ex, my actual fiance ex going on 4.5 years now, and for sure thought by the time I was almost 30 I would at the very least almost be engaged. Or in a long-term relationship. Nope. Nothing. Not even close. There have been (gasp) several dalliances in and out, no pun intended. But nothing even remotely close to stable, nothing, in 4 and a half years.
One of my friends who lives in Tennessee recently got engaged. She deserved to be engaged, she's a really great girl. She got enagaged to a man who supports her, who understands her, and most of all, loves her for who she is.
She's younger than me by about 2 years, and she's one of the more mature people that I know. I am genuinely happy for her, but my inner bitch says, why can't that happen to me?
I know have been carrying on about how I've been working on myself, loving myself, and blah, blah, blah whatever...but one the issues that I have spoken about in my therapy sessions is how every positive thing that I do for myself is in some way or another subconsciously doing it to get a boyfriend. For example, "Ooh, I like football, men like football, men have to like women who like football. Ooh, I run. Some men run, men like women who run." So on and so forth. I've gotten a lot better about it lately. But like I said earlier. The bi-yearly freakout is inevitable.
Yes, I know its where I am. That situation will change soon. But I honestly don't think that this is going away when I move. At the college I went to, out of 23,000 students, there were 900 black people. 500 of them were women. You would think at one point in time or another, at the very least one of the trifling men would trickle down to me...nope. I didn't even have sex until the middle of junior year.
Recently, the first male I had been seeing since my "metamorphisis", didn't have a job (but he was laid off), lived with his mama (I live with my mama, so I can't get mad), and I (begrudgingly admit) did not have a high school diploma. Let me see, what were the good things, again....oh. He was a gentleman, big time. He actually wanted to date me, and I believed he just generally liked being around me. It wasn't until then I at that moment that I thought, that every single solitary male that I have ever dealt with ever, was an asshole.
How did we "break up"? It was my fault honestly. I didn't want to have sex him. I said I would eventually, but I lied, I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure he caught on to that, and moved on accordingly. Its cool. And that's the way it should be.
Yeah, there's going to be a part 2 to this one.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
To the Big Man called "Media"; Re: Grey's Anatomy
Yes, I'm writing about it. Even though I'm sick of hearing about it, I'm writing about it.
All this media coverage of this Isaiah Washington/Patrick Dempsey crap has tainted the show for me, just a tad. All you hear that it's racist that Isaiah Washington is getting called as the angry black man, blah, blah. From what I've read, Isaiah Washington is an belligerent asshole, period. Those come in all flavors. Also, there's is this talk that he's getting fired...whatever. If any of you watch the show, his character is the most expendable. He could easily get written off just because they've done all they can do with it. Also, my favorite speculation, he choked poor little defenseless Patrick Dempsey, just because he was trying to stick up for the little gay boy, and he is an endangerment to the safety of the cast...okay. Do you know how ignorant someone has to be to make you choke them? At your job? You don't just choke a mother fucker out of nowhere, I don't give a damn how crazy you are. Like Chris Rock said, "I'm not saying I agree with it, but I understand."
So what am I mad at? Why the pent up delayed frustration? I love Grey's Anatomy. I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, a lot of people are these days. I don't want to watch this show and think about animosty between the cast, who hates who, if T.R. is sleeping Patrick Dempsey, and so on and so forth. So here a news flash. I don't give a shit!!! so "media" stop trying to make me! Obviously ABC thinks that the controversy is going to draw more viewers out of curiosity, but they were already the number show on TV, with growing viewership every week, you don't need more viewers.
The way times have changed, since our rhodes scholar of a president has been in office as a matter of fact, you have a publicity stunt to sell an album, you can be famous and get cash just for being "friends" with Paris Hilton, and you can still get photographed every day even though your movie career is over. Stop!! We don't care. I don't think anyone outside the industry really cares. Both Paris Hilton's last two movies went straight to video, Lindsey Lohan's movies don't make money, Nicole Richie is visibly dying before our eyes, Janet wore a fat suit for two months, and took it off so she can tell everybody she lost weight just to pimp a godawful shitty album, and Tom Cruise got fired (yes, I said fired) from his place of employment because he made up a baby to promote a movie, and MI-3 still bombed, so stop it!! None of these ideas are working for the greater good.
In conclusion, "media" don't mess up the one shining light of enjoyment for me that takes place once a week at 8' o'clock on Thursday, because frankly I don't know if I can take it. Desperate Housewives, okay, you have that. I let that go. But not Grey's, I just won't be able to handle it.
Oh, and "media" , if you fuck with Ugly Betty, and I find out America Ferrara is a former Nazi, I am personally coming to look for you.
All this media coverage of this Isaiah Washington/Patrick Dempsey crap has tainted the show for me, just a tad. All you hear that it's racist that Isaiah Washington is getting called as the angry black man, blah, blah. From what I've read, Isaiah Washington is an belligerent asshole, period. Those come in all flavors. Also, there's is this talk that he's getting fired...whatever. If any of you watch the show, his character is the most expendable. He could easily get written off just because they've done all they can do with it. Also, my favorite speculation, he choked poor little defenseless Patrick Dempsey, just because he was trying to stick up for the little gay boy, and he is an endangerment to the safety of the cast...okay. Do you know how ignorant someone has to be to make you choke them? At your job? You don't just choke a mother fucker out of nowhere, I don't give a damn how crazy you are. Like Chris Rock said, "I'm not saying I agree with it, but I understand."
So what am I mad at? Why the pent up delayed frustration? I love Grey's Anatomy. I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, a lot of people are these days. I don't want to watch this show and think about animosty between the cast, who hates who, if T.R. is sleeping Patrick Dempsey, and so on and so forth. So here a news flash. I don't give a shit!!! so "media" stop trying to make me! Obviously ABC thinks that the controversy is going to draw more viewers out of curiosity, but they were already the number show on TV, with growing viewership every week, you don't need more viewers.
The way times have changed, since our rhodes scholar of a president has been in office as a matter of fact, you have a publicity stunt to sell an album, you can be famous and get cash just for being "friends" with Paris Hilton, and you can still get photographed every day even though your movie career is over. Stop!! We don't care. I don't think anyone outside the industry really cares. Both Paris Hilton's last two movies went straight to video, Lindsey Lohan's movies don't make money, Nicole Richie is visibly dying before our eyes, Janet wore a fat suit for two months, and took it off so she can tell everybody she lost weight just to pimp a godawful shitty album, and Tom Cruise got fired (yes, I said fired) from his place of employment because he made up a baby to promote a movie, and MI-3 still bombed, so stop it!! None of these ideas are working for the greater good.
In conclusion, "media" don't mess up the one shining light of enjoyment for me that takes place once a week at 8' o'clock on Thursday, because frankly I don't know if I can take it. Desperate Housewives, okay, you have that. I let that go. But not Grey's, I just won't be able to handle it.
Oh, and "media" , if you fuck with Ugly Betty, and I find out America Ferrara is a former Nazi, I am personally coming to look for you.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Its not dead
I'm sorry for the lack of posts throughout the last couple of weeks. Just been a lot of shit that has been experienced not recorded. Here are some highlights.
1. I went to traffic court for my very first speeding ticket. I never realized how much of a goody two shoes I've been because I felt like a criminal. It was great.
2. ABC.com and NBC.com re-broadcast most to all of their shows on the internet with no commericals. Needless to say that takes up a lot of my time.
3. I watch more TV now than I have in years. Me being at work until 9 p.m. has limited me to Laguna Beach re-runs and everything else aired around it. Now I have a schedule on the VCR as well as the internet.
4. I'm currently training for a 5K. I know, I don't believe it either.
5. I'm making huge strides into getting over that boy that I whined about in my earlier posts. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can honestly say its coming along,
6. Ugly Betty rules my world.
7. I have finalized my plans for my California "sabbatical". Got a leave date and everything. Woo!!!
8. Justin Timberlake is coming to town 2 weeks after I leave. I still haven't re-covered from the devastation of missing him and Christina A. 3 years ago. I'm trying to talk myself out of flying for one day just to see him.
9. My car is mad at me that I'm leaving, she's been making me spend a lot of money so I won't leave, and she's threatening to completely quit on me. I have to nuture her in the coming months.
10. I'm "celibate". I use this term loosely just because the next person I sleep with will, for once, not be trifling. One can only pray.
1. I went to traffic court for my very first speeding ticket. I never realized how much of a goody two shoes I've been because I felt like a criminal. It was great.
2. ABC.com and NBC.com re-broadcast most to all of their shows on the internet with no commericals. Needless to say that takes up a lot of my time.
3. I watch more TV now than I have in years. Me being at work until 9 p.m. has limited me to Laguna Beach re-runs and everything else aired around it. Now I have a schedule on the VCR as well as the internet.
4. I'm currently training for a 5K. I know, I don't believe it either.
5. I'm making huge strides into getting over that boy that I whined about in my earlier posts. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can honestly say its coming along,
6. Ugly Betty rules my world.
7. I have finalized my plans for my California "sabbatical". Got a leave date and everything. Woo!!!
8. Justin Timberlake is coming to town 2 weeks after I leave. I still haven't re-covered from the devastation of missing him and Christina A. 3 years ago. I'm trying to talk myself out of flying for one day just to see him.
9. My car is mad at me that I'm leaving, she's been making me spend a lot of money so I won't leave, and she's threatening to completely quit on me. I have to nuture her in the coming months.
10. I'm "celibate". I use this term loosely just because the next person I sleep with will, for once, not be trifling. One can only pray.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Highlights of my week
Shitty week. Doesn't take much to amuse me.
1. Beyonce's new name is Lil' Magic.
(any Living color fans?)
2. I also found this funny.
1. Beyonce's new name is Lil' Magic.
(any Living color fans?)
2. I also found this funny.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Lindsey Lohan
I always wondered how the hell these self made millionaires had the motivation to get off their ass and do something impotant. I wondered if someone broke their heart, or they had an idea and someone laughed in their face and became driven by anger, I wonder if they prayed a lot for their dream to be realized, and if they prayed that they can do something, anything, that will make their mark on this world and simultaneously, get them out the poorhouse.
Well, what inspired this post was me being completely bored as hell at work all week and reading about Lindsey Lohan. I don't think I have seen anybody, Ms. Spears included, fuck up their career completely on their own so quickly, publicly, and badly. Not only that, I don't think she gives a shit. At least Britney, has made attempts, trifling or not (hello horrible dateline interview) to prove she isn't as bad as people thinks she is. Ms. Lohan, instead chose to never stop being an asshole. I think that since she is getting photographed every single day, regardless of whatever the subject matter is, she is still a star. I don't think she realizes that she the only reason she's famous now is because people are fascinated that she has completely fucked her life up. She just thinks she's a star, the paparazzi still fight to take her picture, and that's all that matters.
Also, what bothers me is the people who are really successful, who got that way rather quickly, are completely unappreciative of what they have. I guess that's the way things are supposed to happen, assholes who don't deserve it, don't care when they get it. But I still don't understand that logic at all. When I went to LA, on my studio tour of Paramount , I was chatting with our tour guides (also wannabe actors) who informed me a girl who was on their earlier tours, got her very first role, a a guest spot on Nip/Tuck, but she really didn't seem to care that she got it. She was just like, whatever, and they were baffled. Hell, I was baffled. She wasnt even from LA, she was from a small town in New York somewhere, she just lucked up and got it. Didn't care. I was done.
I guess the point of my rant is that I know its in me to do something great. I know I need to write a novel, or a critically acclaimed screenplay, or be the most successful black actress of all time (fuck Halle Berry, she's a hack). I moved back home so I can go to LA, I have written (count) one page of that pulitizer prize winning novel, I guess I'm just in that stage of, what now?
Well, what inspired this post was me being completely bored as hell at work all week and reading about Lindsey Lohan. I don't think I have seen anybody, Ms. Spears included, fuck up their career completely on their own so quickly, publicly, and badly. Not only that, I don't think she gives a shit. At least Britney, has made attempts, trifling or not (hello horrible dateline interview) to prove she isn't as bad as people thinks she is. Ms. Lohan, instead chose to never stop being an asshole. I think that since she is getting photographed every single day, regardless of whatever the subject matter is, she is still a star. I don't think she realizes that she the only reason she's famous now is because people are fascinated that she has completely fucked her life up. She just thinks she's a star, the paparazzi still fight to take her picture, and that's all that matters.
Also, what bothers me is the people who are really successful, who got that way rather quickly, are completely unappreciative of what they have. I guess that's the way things are supposed to happen, assholes who don't deserve it, don't care when they get it. But I still don't understand that logic at all. When I went to LA, on my studio tour of Paramount , I was chatting with our tour guides (also wannabe actors) who informed me a girl who was on their earlier tours, got her very first role, a a guest spot on Nip/Tuck, but she really didn't seem to care that she got it. She was just like, whatever, and they were baffled. Hell, I was baffled. She wasnt even from LA, she was from a small town in New York somewhere, she just lucked up and got it. Didn't care. I was done.
I guess the point of my rant is that I know its in me to do something great. I know I need to write a novel, or a critically acclaimed screenplay, or be the most successful black actress of all time (fuck Halle Berry, she's a hack). I moved back home so I can go to LA, I have written (count) one page of that pulitizer prize winning novel, I guess I'm just in that stage of, what now?
Friday, September 15, 2006
He's not that into you
I don't remember if I had posted this before, but I have recently read the book He's not that into you as well as its sequel, Its called a Breakup because its Broken. Changed my life, for real.
I never realized until I read that book just how much shit I took from men until now. I never realized until I read that book how much shit a lot of women took until now.
See I live in a state where the median age of getting married is 23. And I never realized until reading that book, just exactly how many women actually do not like their significant others. They just put up with it because they don't want to be alone. My cousin, whom I love dearly, is currently with living with a guy who she has been with for 5 years, has 2 kids with, and for some unbelknownst reason he's not ready to be married yet. She punched him in the face last week because she found 3 girls phone numbers in his car, that she co-signed for. When confronted about said numbers, he replied they were old friends getting back in touch with each other. And to think, she's one of the most confident people I know. But she's in love.
I was part of that statistic too, not even going to lie. One line in the book says something about not liking yourself so much, that every little gesture that a man shows that is nice, you take it and run with it. I do that. I also realized after reading this book just how insecure my male friend was. One of the biggest things that I loved about him was his security, realized it couldn't be further from the truth.
As for said male friend that I talked about last post, I'm still very much in limbo about what I'm going to do. I haven't talked to him since I came back from my trip (on purpose), but now I know I cannot talk to him until I know exactly what I'm going to do. I know this time its real, because it pains me not to answer his call. The accidental time I picked up the phone, I said I was busy. He's been calling me more, but I realize its jealousy/insecurity, not him "wanting" me.
What a dick, I'm so over this shit.
I never realized until I read that book just how much shit I took from men until now. I never realized until I read that book how much shit a lot of women took until now.
See I live in a state where the median age of getting married is 23. And I never realized until reading that book, just exactly how many women actually do not like their significant others. They just put up with it because they don't want to be alone. My cousin, whom I love dearly, is currently with living with a guy who she has been with for 5 years, has 2 kids with, and for some unbelknownst reason he's not ready to be married yet. She punched him in the face last week because she found 3 girls phone numbers in his car, that she co-signed for. When confronted about said numbers, he replied they were old friends getting back in touch with each other. And to think, she's one of the most confident people I know. But she's in love.
I was part of that statistic too, not even going to lie. One line in the book says something about not liking yourself so much, that every little gesture that a man shows that is nice, you take it and run with it. I do that. I also realized after reading this book just how insecure my male friend was. One of the biggest things that I loved about him was his security, realized it couldn't be further from the truth.
As for said male friend that I talked about last post, I'm still very much in limbo about what I'm going to do. I haven't talked to him since I came back from my trip (on purpose), but now I know I cannot talk to him until I know exactly what I'm going to do. I know this time its real, because it pains me not to answer his call. The accidental time I picked up the phone, I said I was busy. He's been calling me more, but I realize its jealousy/insecurity, not him "wanting" me.
What a dick, I'm so over this shit.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Getting my mojo back...
I've lost my blog mojo, lately. I haven't been real enough in the past few posts
Okay, so I'll be honest here. I'm tempted to be the most honest that I have most been on a blog, but if not I'll be pretty damn honest.
So I have a male friend who I have mentioned on this blog before once or twice. I was/am in love with this said male friend, right now I'm hopelessly caught between the two.
Male friend sucks. Ass. He's the worst possible human being to ever be in a relationship with. He's a hoe, he's stubborn as hell, and he's self-involved as all get out. At the root of it all though, he is a good person, hence the feelings.
I've come to terms with the fact that we'll never be together. Ever.
I've also come to terms with the fact that even if we were together, I would not be able to trust him. Ever.
I also accept the fact that he sleeps with other women, frequently. It still makes me uncomfortable, but I know it happens.
Well, this is what I hate. I hate when he lies to me like he's my boyfriend. I hate that. If its already established that we're friends, why do you feel the need to play it off when I hear other women in the background? That pisses me off even more than if he actually told me, "yeah, I'm in the middle of having screwing some chick, call me back."
Also, my current deduction is this. I'm the female friend. The plain chick that you see in the movies. I'm the chick who's like a guy friend that the male whore keeps on the backburner for a long time, just in case he decides he wants to settle down in the far future. I feel that even if we didn't talk anymore, he would still look me up 20 years down the line, broke with nothing accomplished in his life, saying how much he loves me, how stupid he was, and propose and my stupid ass would probably fall for it hook, line, and sinker.
At this point, I'm tired. I'm tired of wondering if I will be able to give myself to someone because I'm still into this asshole. I'm tired of it being an unspoken rule that no matter who I sleep with, that he will always come first. I'm also tired of being so scared that he's going to be out of my life forever, that I play stuff off that its not a big deal.
Its not a healthy relationship. I already started by not talking to him as much anymore, but that's not good enough, something has really gotta give. Any suggestions?
Okay, so I'll be honest here. I'm tempted to be the most honest that I have most been on a blog, but if not I'll be pretty damn honest.
So I have a male friend who I have mentioned on this blog before once or twice. I was/am in love with this said male friend, right now I'm hopelessly caught between the two.
Male friend sucks. Ass. He's the worst possible human being to ever be in a relationship with. He's a hoe, he's stubborn as hell, and he's self-involved as all get out. At the root of it all though, he is a good person, hence the feelings.
I've come to terms with the fact that we'll never be together. Ever.
I've also come to terms with the fact that even if we were together, I would not be able to trust him. Ever.
I also accept the fact that he sleeps with other women, frequently. It still makes me uncomfortable, but I know it happens.
Well, this is what I hate. I hate when he lies to me like he's my boyfriend. I hate that. If its already established that we're friends, why do you feel the need to play it off when I hear other women in the background? That pisses me off even more than if he actually told me, "yeah, I'm in the middle of having screwing some chick, call me back."
Also, my current deduction is this. I'm the female friend. The plain chick that you see in the movies. I'm the chick who's like a guy friend that the male whore keeps on the backburner for a long time, just in case he decides he wants to settle down in the far future. I feel that even if we didn't talk anymore, he would still look me up 20 years down the line, broke with nothing accomplished in his life, saying how much he loves me, how stupid he was, and propose and my stupid ass would probably fall for it hook, line, and sinker.
At this point, I'm tired. I'm tired of wondering if I will be able to give myself to someone because I'm still into this asshole. I'm tired of it being an unspoken rule that no matter who I sleep with, that he will always come first. I'm also tired of being so scared that he's going to be out of my life forever, that I play stuff off that its not a big deal.
Its not a healthy relationship. I already started by not talking to him as much anymore, but that's not good enough, something has really gotta give. Any suggestions?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
This is an alternate universe
I'm excited about college football starting up this weekend. Most notably notre dame and georgia tech. Embarrassingly excited.
I "reprimanded" one of my employees yesterday, and didn't feel bad afterwards. (Ok, I did a little bit, but I never questioned if I was right or not, because I knew I was.)
I lost 3 pounds.
I've been "seeing" someone for about 2 weeks and I haven't slept with him yet. Actually haven't kissed him, either.
I don't want to speak too soon but living at home sucks (obviously), but not as hard as I though it would. Should have done it long time ago.
Not saying these are milestones for me, but these are about 4 things that I know I would not have said or did last year. Things can't change in a day, but now you can make the change to start handling them differently, that's what she tells me.
I am definately leaving my job in January. I actually believe myself when I say that now. I'm filling out the leave of absence form today, thank god.
To summarize, I don't feel so much like a walking open wound anymore. The basic emotions are still there, but its not as prevalent as it used to be. What I didn't expect is how much of a struggle it is. I knew that making this change would take this much work, and also how long it would take. But I'm doing it, so I can sleep at night, and feel better about me. Actual me, not just physical me.
**Running off to say personal affirmations now**
I "reprimanded" one of my employees yesterday, and didn't feel bad afterwards. (Ok, I did a little bit, but I never questioned if I was right or not, because I knew I was.)
I lost 3 pounds.
I've been "seeing" someone for about 2 weeks and I haven't slept with him yet. Actually haven't kissed him, either.
I don't want to speak too soon but living at home sucks (obviously), but not as hard as I though it would. Should have done it long time ago.
Not saying these are milestones for me, but these are about 4 things that I know I would not have said or did last year. Things can't change in a day, but now you can make the change to start handling them differently, that's what she tells me.
I am definately leaving my job in January. I actually believe myself when I say that now. I'm filling out the leave of absence form today, thank god.
To summarize, I don't feel so much like a walking open wound anymore. The basic emotions are still there, but its not as prevalent as it used to be. What I didn't expect is how much of a struggle it is. I knew that making this change would take this much work, and also how long it would take. But I'm doing it, so I can sleep at night, and feel better about me. Actual me, not just physical me.
**Running off to say personal affirmations now**
Monday, August 14, 2006
Love Letter
It's a hard time for you right now. You've had a difficult past, and now you're on the verge on trying to do something big. You have to overcome your weaknesses and use them to help you grow.
You have to seriously start looking for the good in yourself. You have to find what it is about yourself that you love, because you are very worthy of being loved. If you don't have anyone right now, that's okay because God has already removed the people in your life who didn't deserve you. You deserve to be happy because you've earned it.
In the past, you always felt that you had to please everybody because you felt that everybody loved you, it secured the fact that you were a wonderful person. Everyone does not have to like you, because if they don't, the only reason they talk to you because they think you are easily manipulated. They don't give a shit about the kind of person you are. They are the ones missing out. Everyone loves to pick on a nice person because they think they can't tell anybody no, but you don't need them in your life, you have to realize that. They are not worthy of giving a second thought.
Your past is your past. There are some things in it that you don't like but it made you the person that you are. And that person it patient, genuinely nice, smart, and hard working. You should like this person. She is likeable. You have to believe in yourself. Years ago, you never thought you would make it on your own but you have, you never thought you would have your own life outside of your parents, but you do,
you never thought you would have the balls to move to LA and become an actress but you're going to, you never thought you would be an individual, but you are. Yes, you are different from others, but that's what makes you great, and its going to take a special person to realize that. He'll come into your life, but only when you're ready.
So take this and read it whenever you are down. I know you're down right now, but keep fighting like you have been doing, the fight will be worth it in the end.
To: Me
From: Me
You have to seriously start looking for the good in yourself. You have to find what it is about yourself that you love, because you are very worthy of being loved. If you don't have anyone right now, that's okay because God has already removed the people in your life who didn't deserve you. You deserve to be happy because you've earned it.
In the past, you always felt that you had to please everybody because you felt that everybody loved you, it secured the fact that you were a wonderful person. Everyone does not have to like you, because if they don't, the only reason they talk to you because they think you are easily manipulated. They don't give a shit about the kind of person you are. They are the ones missing out. Everyone loves to pick on a nice person because they think they can't tell anybody no, but you don't need them in your life, you have to realize that. They are not worthy of giving a second thought.
Your past is your past. There are some things in it that you don't like but it made you the person that you are. And that person it patient, genuinely nice, smart, and hard working. You should like this person. She is likeable. You have to believe in yourself. Years ago, you never thought you would make it on your own but you have, you never thought you would have your own life outside of your parents, but you do,
you never thought you would have the balls to move to LA and become an actress but you're going to, you never thought you would be an individual, but you are. Yes, you are different from others, but that's what makes you great, and its going to take a special person to realize that. He'll come into your life, but only when you're ready.
So take this and read it whenever you are down. I know you're down right now, but keep fighting like you have been doing, the fight will be worth it in the end.
To: Me
From: Me
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Beyonce is a bitch
Alright, therapy is making some headway. Because guess what, I'm over my Beyonce jealousy!!!
Well, I know you're thinking, if you're so over it then why are you writing about it? Because of so many reasons, I've been so jealous of her since Destiny's Child first came out, I was jealous of her looks, and her "talent". Also, what bothered me so much about her is the fact that she she has always led such a privledged life -- she grew up wealthy, she can actually sing, has a boyfriend with even more money than her, and although not the smartest tool in the shed, she stil seemed genuinely nice. Boy, that was a fucking lie. The bitchiness even comes out in her interviews now. Thank god for the internet, more specifically the comment sections on celebrity sites, because I would be totally naive. I wonder do all these celebrities know that all of their assholishness is fully publicized to the American public, and its come to light that now in the age of internet and fakeness via Paris Hilton, everything that is usually deemed as A-list or successful is completely fake bullshit crafted by publicists and marketing teams. And she my dear, is no different.
As a duty to my American public and myself, I present this little gem I found on imdb.com.
"I work for a popular magazine and have worked on several of Beyonce's photo shoots(as well as those of other big stars)and OMG is she a beyotch! She got one girl fired for bringing her water she said was too cold(although she told us to put it in the freezer because it was really hot at the outdoor shoot). She is soooo stupid that she makes Paris Hilton look like a Rhodes Scholar or a member of MENSA! She grew up wealthy but can't manage to form coherent sentences. One of her slaves/family members always has to translate her gobbledygook into english for us. Did you see her on Punk'd? She thought those poor kids Xmas was ruined and she did not give a flying f@#%! She posed for pics like nothing happened and brushed off the little kid that spoke to her. They finally just ended it because she was so nonchalant about it that it wasn't even entertaining. Trust me-she's fat! We airbrush her like there's no tomorrow. she has so much cellulite and so many discolorations on her skin it's just gross. She recently lost weight and that's good for her but I hope she loses the 'tude as well. By the way-as for her 'incredible body'-can you say..LIPO! We had to airbrush the scars for like an hour! As for the person that said she was shy and quiet when she met her-HA! She just felt you were so beneath her you weren't worth speaking to! She does her best acting in photos and interviews pretending she's not a royal pain in the a$$! She even yells at her cousin who works for(who is nice)-that poor girl is a saint! I hope she gets caught on tape one day showing her TRUE colors so you poor naive suckers can see the truth and stop worshipping this idiot! All her songs are love or sex and half(or more) of them make no sense!(Your sexiness is so appealing I can't let it go?!) She learned a new word-YAAY! Hooked on Phonics might be working for her!"
Yes, this very well may be completely made up. But do you really believe it is?
So bye, bye Beyonce. You're not all that.
Also, check out my best friend's blog. She hates her, too.
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