Saturday, May 14, 2005

"I'm not a player I just crush a lot..." The Finale

Ah, the booty call. Isn't it great? Somebody needs to write a song about it, wait a minute, I believe Blackstreet did, but it sucked so somebody needs to write a better song about it. Booty calls rule.
I am celebrating the booty call, because I got one last night, but alas I did not partake in the activity that followed afterwards. I happened to be doing some much needed grocery shopping late night and my cousin is crashing on my couch for a week. My apartment's not that small but the bedroom and the living room are right next to each other, so there's no way she could not hear me. Believe me, if she was at home and I wasn't so exhausted after that horribly long day that I had yesterday, it would have been on. But, I took it as a sign. Dammit....dammit all to hell.
I don't remember if I have written about this before but I would like to take this time to go over a couple of quick simple rules for the proper etiquette of the booty call.

1. Call as close as possible or before midnight.
I know the rule is a booty call takes place at midnight, but I have things to do so you need to catch me as early as you possibly can. I am willing to be lenient on the weekends, but I plan on being sleep no later than 2:00. Anytime after that catch me on the next go round, bro, because I'm not answering the phone.

2. Bring your own rubbers.Its just proper manners. What I look like going to the grocery store in my lingerie, asking for Trojans. I don't know what kind of brand you like, and I never buy the right kind. I keep some in the house for emergencies only, and I don't bust them out unless its absolutely necessary.

3. Leave when we're done.
I haven't had a boyfriend in goodness knows how long and so that means I sleep in the middle of the bed. Plus, because I haven't had a boyfriend in forever the mood may hit and I may get a little needy. That cannot happen, so you must go. I'm not a complete asshole, we can have a beer and chit-chat a little bit, but you cannot spend the night. Why do you ask? Because if you sleep there one night, you will ask to sleep there again, and even Superman has kryptonite.

This will be the final entry in the "I'm not a player saga", at least for a little while. To be honest, its just getting a little depressing writing about all the sex that I am not having.

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